Visiting Love Interests At Work

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First, a question:

When, if ever, is it okay to visit someone at work?

Now, for an explanation of my situation. Here we go.

Just a week ago, I encountered the Facebook profile of an attractive young woman who lives in my area. Let's call her Holly. She works as a librarian at a nearby public library and, like me, is interested in cosplay and other nerdy hobbies. The other day I went into the library in an attempt to meet her, while also looking for books about trains and/or locomotives - I'm a professional railroader. She wasn't there. I asked one of her co-workers when she would next be in. Respectfully, they could not disclose that information. When I got home, I went to the library's website and looked up Holly's email address. I sent a polite email to her, introducing myself, and why I went to the library attempting to meet her. I did not mention my interest in dating her. I did, however, ask if she knew of any upcoming local faires or conventions. Holly replied with an equally polite email, answered my questions, and stated that her life is quite hectic right now. Therefore she would not be able to meet up with me outside of a convention or faire up until April or May. She also gave me her private email address for further communication (I felt bad about sending messages to her work email). I sent my first message to her private email two days ago, and have not heard from her since last week. The only other ways I can communicate with Holly are by calling the library directly, or visiting her at work.

I know it's generally not acceptable to visit if the person in question does not work a job that requires interacting with the public. With Holly's job as a librarian - where talking with the public is acceptable - it seems a little more appropriate. I don't want to fall out of contact with Holly, nor risk making her look bad (and ruining my chances) by visiting her inappropriately at work. What are your thoughts? Any advice is appreciated.

No. Don't go visit her at work. You are right. It's not socially acceptable

She has your email. If she really wants to get I touch she will do so.

It's okay to visit someone at work if you are already going out and it's no gonna get them in trouble or if you have already established some sort of connection and they've ok'd it after you've brought up you might stop by.

It isn't appropriate if you have gone looking for their information online or they don't speak to you or know you.

You sent your email, now let it be for awhile, otherwise, she may start thinking you are stalking her. I would not go to her work. Give it about 3 wks and then attempt to email again saying you didn't know if she received your last email or not. If she doesn't contact you back then, she isn't interested.

I confirm the above advice. I wouldn't do anything else.

Just getting the email address, and introducing yourself is something I would never have done.

Instead, I would have started talking to her on Facebook.

So... I want to understand this correctly...

You ran across her profile on Facebook. How? Do you know someone who knows her?

Apart from that, you sent her a private email. It's up to her whether or not she wants to respond. If she hasn't, let it go. Visiting her at the library isn't going to change that, so don't do that. In fact, that will make you look like a stalker.

Honestly mate you've made the move to contact her and had no reply.
Move on. NOW.

If she wants to get in contact with you she will.
This is stalking, time for you to knock it off.

It's only okay if you're a couple imo. Otherwise, if you're someone they don't want to see, they have no way to get away from you because it's their job and may get in trouble if they have someone following them around.

You definitely overstepped social boundaries. That's creepy behaviour, frankly. She probably just gave you a fake email address and is hoping you leave her alone.

Definitely a no no. Makes you look creepy. She didn't ask you visit her work.
You didn't a reply from that email, she's not interested.

First off this is not the way to meet women, you're putting girls off my behaving like this. When a girl says something like her schedule is hectic she is trying to politely tell you that she isn't interested. And why would she be? Why would she want to get involved with someone she doesn't know anything about who is effectively stalking her? If you continue to chase this woman she may well report you to the police. When people are in the service industry you have to realise that it is their job to be polite and to interact with customers at work and it is common to misinterpret that as interest in you when it rarely is.

NO.

Even sending her the email was wrong.

Just forget it.

So what is this guy supposed to do? lol

To paraphrase a quote I heard recently: if married parents can find time to have affairs then people dating have time to meet up. It would be nice if women would be direct but this is about as close as you will get.

Email is generally a bad approach. You've pulled the trigger on that one, already, so just consider it lesson learned.

I also don't get the big deal. It depends on the nature of work. A librarian doesn't carry the same kind weight as, say, a nurse. So there's no harm in checking out a book and asking, "oh, did you think about going with me to the ____ next Saturday?" As long as you're not monopolizing time for work and you keep it short, there shouldn't be a problem.

This also falls into the category of when/where it actually IS appropriate. You can't approach a girl in a bar because she wants to be left alone while she enjoys her drink. You can't approach a girl in a library because she wants to enjoy her book. You can't approach a girl in an art gallery because she wants to enjoy the art. You can't approach a girl in a coffee shop because she's drinking coffee. You can't approach a girl at the park because she's exercising on the jogging path and approaching anyone in the park makes you a creep. You can't approach a girl on online dating sites because EVERY guy does this and it makes you a creep...

You can't approach a girl ______ because she's there to _____ and you're a creep. Get it?

It's a Catch-22. The only ways out of it are 1) Don't play stupid games, or 2) Break "the rules."

Having said that... Just be sensitive to the workplace environment and context.

My employer merged with my SO's employer, so I typically do drop by her daycare when I get off work. I once briefly dated a girl I met at *gasp* her workplace, coincidentally a college library. So, basically, yeah, you CAN do things like that. You just have to be sensitive to the work environment and context. A workplace that is closed to the general public, such as a government office building or a hospital, is not the kind of place you can just walk in and meet someone. A convenience store, a bank, a grocery--any place where customers meet employees face to face with a high volume of traffic (a bank teller as opposed to a loan officer) are friendlier to that kind of thing.

Granted, it's not my first choice and some of the issues with that have already been pointed out in the thread. But like I said, how DO you meet people? One of the most interesting ways I've met women was on the jogging trail at the park. The trick is to just be there regularly enough that they almost expect to see you, so saying hello and exchanging info like names, etc. is just natural. You're not a creep because, "oh yeah, I know him! He's on the jogging path every day," You're two steps from getting a date that way.

Use your best judgment. When in doubt, DON'T. Take the naysayers with an appropriately sized grain of salt.

Last edited by AngelRho on 22 Jan 2017, 11:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

Dropping in on your So whom you are very well acquainted with is not at all the same as dropping in on a girl who hasn't bothered to email you back.