The cost of a relationship (money issues)

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Does anyone feel like they are costing their partner too much money or vice versa because I feel like I cost too much for my partner and it makes me feel guilty. I only ask for gas money to get to his place and back but ugh, food, going out to eat, all that costs money. I feel like a twit sometimes.

I believe that both partners should split expenses as close to 50/50 as possible.

Tim

I wish that I didn't need anyone, that would be the cheapest way. I can tell you that the process of looking for love is expensive in it's own right.

I believe in 50/50 even on the first date. You might think that's nuts but i guess that is the type of woman I'm looking for.

if it makes you feel uncomfortable then don't do it. (i don't mean don't go out) - just don't let him spend silly amounts of money on entertaining if you'd be just as happy stopping in with a film and a home cooked meal. also, you can show him appreciation in fairly cheap ways. making a picnic and going alfresco is always fun. there is lots to go out and see for free.

but do discuss with him how you feel - you might find that he would be doing all these things on his own anyway in which case you are not putting him out of pocket and you should lighten up a bit.

how is this so? please explain as i am curious.

I take 'em for whatever they'll give.

Seriously, I'm pretty damned cheap, and probably
belong with someone who is the same. So, it's usually
not much of an issue - live together, eat together, all
ends up saving money overall.

I only went out with my husband three weeks before we moved in together and he managed my money because I had no idea what to do with money. He made me learn all about budgeting and all of that. So, if he spent too much on me, that was on him because he had control of all of it.

If you feel like that, tell him you do. Are you in an uneven financial status right now? If you are, think of ways to make it more fair between you so you don't feel so insecure. You can always swap things. If he's paying for eating out or the movies, do the dishes or laundry or something to give him something back. It isn't always about money, you know. Some people appreciate the things you do just as much as they appreciate money.

It also depends on if he is NT or Aspie. NT guys expect to spend money and honestly, the ones who like Aspie girls are probably by and large more so this way (I've seen that quite a bit on here and it jibes with my own relationship). Aspie guys have different expectations so it depends on whether he is NT or AS. My dh would have had a fit if I had shelled out half the money for everything. That's why it's best to talk about it. If you just feel bad because his money is tight, let him know. It will tell him you are thinking of him. You can say something like, I know you have to watch your money so what if we go to a bookstore or a museum instead of going out to dinner. It gives him some alternatives without making him feel bad. But get to know him first. See if you can figure out how he will react.

"Going Dutch" is another option, where both partners split the bill.

Tim