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Alliekit
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08 Feb 2017, 7:36 am

Ive been having issues with my in laws lately like not arguments but they make random comments.

Just for context the dad works full time and the mum works part time and they live in a council house. They have this sort of old fashioned view of getting married and having children young. Their two older sons have already moved out and have girlfriends.

Now here is where it gets dicey for starters they don't understand why I am futhering my studies they tell me it's a waste of time (which for me it is not because it's the job I want) and that we should settle down. I always thought my future in laws would appreciate that I am educated instead of seeing it as a downside

I have already expressed I don't want kids till later on in life so they always talk about how its best to have kids when your young and how having babies are the most important thing. To make matters worst the oldest boy has already got 2 kids and a step child (his gf is 22) and the middle boys gf is pregnant (she is also the same age as me at 22).

Then they start talking about weddings, although I'm engaged I want to wait to get married.

And the best thing is they have no idea about autism and dont think its a thing. So when my fiance tries to explain when I'm having trouble or why I struggle to travel they don't care

I just feel really pressured and that they are looking down at me because I want to focus on my career first. I always thought my plane was a good one and this is the first time I feel like a pariah and like I'm stupid for it :cry: :cry: :cry:

My fiance tries to comfort me but he is so used to them being that way he doesnt even notice.



kraftiekortie
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08 Feb 2017, 8:03 am

It doesn't have to be "trouble" if you know what you want, and why you want it.

People will make comments all the time; you know this (this happens all the time even on WP!)

The only people that matter are you and your future husband.

As long as you don't sponge off either your family or his, it's really none of their business what your career aspirations are, or whether or not you want kids, or whether you want to "settle down."

Most people--let's face it---aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.

Stick to your guns, and you will be respected.

If you give in to all the chatter, you will not be respected, and they will continue with the nagging.

I know this from first-hand experience.



314pe
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08 Feb 2017, 8:20 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
As long as you don't sponge off either your family or his, it's really none of their business what your career aspirations are, or whether or not you want kids, or whether you want to "settle down."

This. You or your fiance are unlikely to change their opinion.



Alliekit
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08 Feb 2017, 8:58 am

I know but sometimes it's so tiring to explain it all the time. Also sometime's when I say I'd rather wait to have kids (if I even want them) they take it like a personal offence and say things like "we had kids young and we did ok".

It makes me not want to visit them because I always feel like I'm on the defense.



kraftiekortie
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08 Feb 2017, 9:01 am

As long as they don't like Trump, I find most people to be cool LOL

I know it can get tiresome. But you're in a better position than me. People gave up on me a long time ago! LOL



blackicmenace
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08 Feb 2017, 9:03 am

Alliekit wrote:
I know but sometimes it's so tiring to explain it all the time. Also sometime's when I say I'd rather wait to have kids (if I even want them) they take it like a personal offence and say things like "we had kids young and we did ok".

It makes me not want to visit them because I always feel like I'm on the defense.


It's your uterus and your future so it isn't up to them. That's between you and your fiance on whatever you two decide.


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Alliekit
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08 Feb 2017, 9:06 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
As long as they don't like Trump, I find most people to be cool LOL

I know it can get tiresome. But you're in a better position than me. People gave up on me a long time ago! LOL


They are the English equivilest and thin Nigel Farage is amazing -_-



blackicmenace
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08 Feb 2017, 9:26 am

Please excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is a council house?


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kraftiekortie
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08 Feb 2017, 9:34 am

It's sort of equivalent, in some sense, to a "housing project" in the US. There is a little less stigma attached to them, though, than our "projects." They are run by various "councils" within cities/towns/villages in the UK. Councils also deal with things like garbage removal and (I think) the maintenance of their streets). I think they also deal with social services within their area.

To maintain the "councils," people pay "council tax."

Council Houses vary in quality. They can be really rotten, or they can be really nice.



Alliekit
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08 Feb 2017, 9:36 am

blackicmenace wrote:
Please excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is a council house?


Basically free housing that other people pay for you to live in.



blackicmenace
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08 Feb 2017, 9:48 am

Thanks for taking the time to explain that. It's much appreciated.


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