Becoming More Attractive?

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This came up in another thread I posted, but I don't want to hijack that discussion, so here we are! Let's say that you want to have a romantic relationship, but you know that who you are, whether it's your personality or your lifestyle, is unattractive. At the same time, you're happy being who you are and have no desire to change. Should you still go out of your way to become someone other people will find attractive in the hopes of finding someone who will love you, even if it means less day-to-day happiness for you?

I'd say no, especially since people have different preferences...so if your unattractive to one person, you may be attractive to a different person. I'd say if you change yourself to someone that's not really you to be more attractive, not only will you be less content but people who may have found the real you attractive wont even notice you if you've changed your persona.

I mean I guess if you truly don't think you have any reedeming qualities and everything about your personality and looks is unappealing to everyone then it may make sense to try and change into a better person, but I think for most simple self improvement if there are things you would like to work on is the best option as far as changing...but not putting on an entirely new persona your not as happy with.

Also in my experience trying to come off different than you are is a waste of energy, and can cause lots of second guessing and anxiety due to worrying you'll slip up and show your less attractive true self and thus be rejected.

^ So if some man is being totally himself by having a killer body odor, stains and flies all over him and happy with that, so he shouldn't change to increase his chances simply because someone in the world might find this attractive?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Feb 2017, 2:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

More like you shouldn't throw out your entire personality and such and create an entirely new one you're less satisfied with in order to be 'attractive'.

Your hypothetical guy could simply take a shower and put on a clean pair of clothes, all without changing his entire persona.

Why would someone be happy with a killer body odour? A good personal hygiene is a must, and it's not connected to one's personality in any way (except that it tells others if you're lazy about it or not).

I agree with Sweetleaf, by the way.

I dunno, ask such a person ... I mean there's even s**t fetish out there.


The truth is, change is necessary, we all constantly change since we were toddlers without knowing it , looks and personality wise, to adapt and to become more acceptable by others.

Same goes for personality, if his whole personality is abusive, horrible and irritable, doesn't mean he should have to change?

That is true, though I think the key word here is "adapt". One should always know the correct amount of change that is necessary to become a better person, so I guess change, wisdom and awareness of yourself and your environment should go hand in hand.

There is no clear cut yes or no answer here.

So yes
In order to be attractive basic things like hygiene and wearing suitable is important. Changing/improvimg such things will help you in the long run.

And no
For other things such as personality, clothing style etc. Not many peope want to be with someone who is playing a role and is "just like everybody else".

It depends whether you think finding someone is worth making those changes and sacrifices for. If you have reason to believe that you're not what women are looking for, it might be worth examining yourself and figuring out what you can change to make yourself a more attractive choice. You can ask yourself whether the results of these changes are worth the sacrifice/effort required to achieve them.

+1

You don't want to be too attractive. Imagine winning a Billion dollars in a lottery. Then you can't trust anyone.

Change is necessary but it is a painful zero sum game, if one is to 'fit in' with society then it must conform to its rules and this is true on all levels even for people that see themselves outside the mainstream culture who conform just as much if not more to their mental set.

As long as you're happy with the changes I don't see a problem. So if you have "bad style" and think that dressing "better" would make you more attractive then as long as you genuinely like your new clothes and feel comfortable in them then there is nothing wrong with that. Likewise if you want to start hitting the gym and you like the results then there is nothing wrong with that either. Lifestyle changes are only going to fail if you are not genuinely happy with them.

Exactly, I'm sick and tired of seeing the whole "I belong to X niche subculture that may not be entirely mainstream but is still actually quite popular and socially acceptable and have found in my experiences what works is to just be confident, not worry about what others think, and find your 'fellow weirdos' (and I say 'weirdo' very loosely as I am actually not one at all)".

While I don't like to use arch typical labels, for simplicity sake I will say those who typically fall into this category are those that fall into the 'goth'/prep/metal-head/nerd-geek/skater/etc. category.

What's most amusing of all is, I still see a lot of people who are interested in anime, video games, comic books, sci-fi and fantasy novels claim their interests aren't mainstream, when these are probably the most popular and mainstream interests of the Millennial generation in America, and especially Australia.

While for ThisAdamGuy, it may be true many people in his countryside America do not share his interests, if he lived in almost any major city in the country he'd very, very easily find likeminded individuals. But I understand if he can't/doesn't want to move.

He would have had a girlfriend by now if he lived in a city, started studying at university, and went to comic stores or conventions whenever possible.

I wish I could say the same for myself, but it seems I don't have anything in common with anyone my age in this country.

Along with two other issues:

1. My ability and interest in connecting with people, or even their ability and willingness to make a returned effort.

Usually my interest in making a connection is determined by how many shared interests we have.

2. Even people who share my interests, I am often socially incompatible with. We have very different personalities, attitudes, lifestyles, etc. and despite sharing interests often like them in different ways for different reasons.

I often dislike or hate them, and they me.

That problem is a whole lot more complicated than "I don't fit into the mainstream interests and hobbies so I don't really have much in common with people".

I can't just find my 'fellow weirdos or 'different' people' because ironically my interests aren't unpopular or unknown at all, at least I'd like to think they weren't but it appears so.

Yes, this.