No feelings, no connections. Ever.

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I'm new here to Wrong Planet. I've never been diagnosed, but I suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum. I am who I am, and I'm not the type to worry about fitting in or being accepted by all people. Career-wise I'm doing great (which I understand isn't always an easy feat for someone on the spectrum). But there is one thing that is difficult for me to swallow...

Coming home to empty apartment every night is starting to get me down. I've always hoped to meet the girl of my dreams, get married, settled down, and start a family. I'm well on the road to thirty, so now seems to be the time. And yet I feel detached from everything and everyone around me.

There have been a number of girls that I really liked. Looking back, however, I am starting to wonder whether I truly liked them. I think I was more likely "infatuated" with them: attracted to them first and foremost because of their physical beauty. Perhaps I was also in admiration of their other positive qualities (intelligence, sense of humor, etc). But I honestly cannot say that I formed any kind of emotional bond with them. Rather, I was admiring them for what they were and not who they were.

Is this a normal part of the Autism/Asperger/Spectrum lifestyle? i.e. Being lonely yet unable to cure said loneliness? I'd like to believe that there is a lid for every pot. But I just don't seem to connect with ANYONE. "Settling" for whomever I can find just for the sake of not being alone would be disingenuous (and would likely lead to disaster). Does anyone feel the same way I do? Any advice? I really wish I could find someone to connect with on a deeper level. *Sigh*

Congratulations on your success. It's more important than you think.

I believe there's nothing wrong with "infatuation." I feel that way frequently. Often, this leads to an emotional bond as well.

LOL....I sort of envy that you could home to an empty apartment. I would like to go back to those days.

Do you have any particular woman in mind? If you do, then you just might have formed an "emotional" reaction.

Now that you've admitted that to yourself, stop pondering the past (while learning from it), and start pursuing a lady. There will be failures, some of which are not your fault, some of which might be your fault.

But get out there in the world, and at least put your name in the ring.