Do AS/AS pairings work better than AS and other neurotypes?
My own dating history isn't diverse enough to answer this question, but I've found that I get along mostly with people who are not neurotypical. A considerable fraction of my partners have had ADD/ ADHD, for example. There aren't any knows autists in my personal dating experience, so I can't compare.
BlackImage
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 58
Location: Australia
Well, I've dated exactly 6 women in my life... some were thrill-seekrs who had substance abuse problems, a couple of them were very OCD, and none fit the aspie profile.
That was before I put 2 and 2 together and figured out I was on the spectrum... when I recently googled "characteristics of women with Asperger's", it read like a wish list of everything I've always wanted in a SO.
I'm not romantically interested in NT women. Go figure.
I've only dated NT guys until I met my current boyfriend who's not been diagnosed, but he definitely has autistic traits. I can say that so far I get the feeling that he understands me way better than any of my previous partners. We both have a different autistic side - I'm more of a type who's very sense-intense/oversensitive to sensory things and who feels compelled to stim sometimes, drawn to repetitive actions, looking for visual patterns etc, he's got executive dysfunction and is constantly lost in thoughts and rather awkward and I think I understand many social rules more than him.
In a way we compliment each other and we accept each other's "weirdness" and actually find fun ways of exploring our various eccentricities. What for my past boyfriends was "WTF is wrong with you?!" for him is interesting, something to understand. We both read a lot, share information and have long conversations about philosophy (non-stop talking for like 4 hours!), medicine, some futuristic stuff.
We'll see how it goes, but I feel like I found someone speaking my language, finally
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,726
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
My 1st girlfriend was had dyslexia, sever ADHD & alittle OCD & I have those things too so we really connected. I met my 2nd & current girlfriend on this forum & they are both on the spectrum. I had no luck but bad trying to get in relationships with typical NTs because I'm disabled & too direct & straightforward. However my personality within a relationship is more like an NT's because I love being close & affectionate with my partner.
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In a way we compliment each other and we accept each other's "weirdness" and actually find fun ways of exploring our various eccentricities. What for my past boyfriends was "WTF is wrong with you?!" for him is interesting, something to understand. We both read a lot, share information and have long conversations about philosophy (non-stop talking for like 4 hours!), medicine, some futuristic stuff.
We'll see how it goes, but I feel like I found someone speaking my language, finally
I can relate to how you describe your boyfriend, I'm alot like this. I'm also lost thought with little ambition or ability to put them into words that might alllow me to share and convey my thoughts. It sucks a lot to be honest. It makes it really hard to socialize when I'm just "playing around upstairs" all the time. I also feel like I'm constantly in some kind of agony, mental pain that sets off some pretty bad anxiety. I've also got Schizo-affective disorder so my paranoia screws with my perception of reality, and when with a NT who uses a lot of NT type behavior (body language, sarcasm, and other "social cues") my paranoia usually goes into over drive and I obsess over that persons intentions.
It's not that I don't pick up on the "social cues" because I do, I just can't understand them 100% and have a hard time ignoring the possibility that I'm getting screwed with. This is my biggest problem with my current fiancee. She comes from a family that uses ALOT of this kind of communication and she has a history of cheating, lying and deceiving for her own interests. I just recently made the personal choice to stop letting her games get to me, and just see what happens when I don't allow her have me under her thumb all the time. She has admitted to more wrong doing then I'd ever thought she would and now that I got some kind of confirmation, I'm about ready to leave her if she doesn't see someone and change some of her destructive behavior patterns.
I've only been with one person on the spectrum, but I didn't give them enough time unfortunately. She was sweet and kind and understanding, but at the time it wasn't what I was looking for. I've been with the "druggies" for most of my life so most of my relationships were with dysfunctional NT's. I've only ever been in true love maybe once or twice. Looking back I wish I never let go of the one women I met on the spectrum, I really think we could have had some thing worth holding on to.
Most of the autistic girls I have met, I have not been attracted to at all. Iv'e known 50+ guys with aspergers (too many to count) but I have probably only met 6 or 7 girls with it so that just shows how rare it is to be diagnosed if you're a girl.
Would I date an aspie girl? Totally, but I would have to be attracted to her and be compatible. But because neurotypical girls are far more common, thats the type of girl I am most likely to date.
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