I'd like some advice here please, thank you.

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Dreamyshoegaze_Sam
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07 Mar 2017, 11:27 am

I'm trying to understand him, be supportive of him and patient with him. I don't know much about his disorder. I'm trying to learn more about it and I told him this. He's glad that I'm supportive of him and he's told me this on many occasions. Recently he opened up to me and told me that he loves me, wants to be with me but he still has a guard up because he got hurt which I completely understand. I told him I wouldn't put any pressure on him. He's learned that he's an Aspie about a year and a half ago and this depressed him when he found out and thought he was better off if he didn't have a relationship at all. When we were simply hanging out as friends, he told me he was giving up on relationships all together. However he continued to talk to me, hang out with me and want me to visit him.

Since than our relationship grew and we got closer simply by me being there. I have a learning disability and sometimes it's hard for me to understand things sometimes. A person sometimes has to explain things to me and then I understand as to what's going on. There's times where I get very confused and it frustrates people but overtime I do catch on. So the more he explained things to me, I understood. I always ask him questions, get him to explain things and I always listen. The more questions I asked him I could see it made him happy and the more I understood I offered him support. Then he finally opened up to me and told me how, "I always am there for him no matter what. I'm always there and ask him the right questions that needs to be asked." When he finally told me he loved me, I told him I did too but I didn't want to pressure him. For the longest time I didn't mention love or anything: "Thank you for respecting me." He told me to somehow show him how much I love him because he still has his guard up. When I went over to visit him, we hung out and had a good time together. However I noticed when I come home he seems to act different and I'm not going to assume the worst. I believe maybe he needs space or time to relax on his own. He wasn't mushy like he was before and sometimes it confuses me. He's not really the mushy type unless he truly misses me and that's fine. When I was there though, one morning he made me french toast and that made me smile. I believe it's his way of saying, "I love you." or "I care about you." Before I left I drew him a colorful picture with clouds and I wrote on it, "I'll always be here for you. I'll always believe in you." and I wrote in colorful letters Faith because I respect his beliefs. :heart: I'm going to continue to be patient with him and ask him questions when needed. For now I don't contact him all that much because I know he likes to be off on his own to play video games and be alone. Am I doing the right thing? Is there something else that I should be doing? I care a lot about him and want to best for him. His father is really happy that I'm there for him and how he has someone else to talk to who understands. However he's there for me too when I truly need someone to talk too but I try not to put all my emotions on him at once. I mostly cry when I say goodbye to him or when something is truly bothering me. I mostly take care of issues on my own but he wants to be there for me when I do need him. If you need to ask me any other questions, please ask them. Thank you.



BTDT
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07 Mar 2017, 11:36 am

Someone with Aspergers usually has a learning disability with relationships. This doesn't mean you can't have a loving relationship, but as you have found out, he needs to take things slower than a "normal" relationship.

This also means you may need to initiate more to get things going at times. Aspie relationships often work best when people say exactly what they want, because we aren't able to figure out hints. Or even figure out the obvious.
With your learning disability you may know what that is like, to be embarrassed at not knowing what everyone else knows. Aspergers is like that.



Keigan
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07 Mar 2017, 11:38 am

If you want more background I recommend "nerdy, shy and socially inappropriate", it is very well written by a woman with aspergers.



Dreamyshoegaze_Sam
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07 Mar 2017, 11:47 am

BTDT wrote:
Someone with Aspergers usually has a learning disability with relationships. This doesn't mean you can't have a loving relationship, but as you have found out, he needs to take things slower than a "normal" relationship.

This also means you may need to initiate more to get things going at times. Aspie relationships often work best when people say exactly what they want, because we aren't able to figure out hints. Or even figure out the obvious.
With your learning disability you may know what that is like, to be embarrassed at not knowing what everyone else knows. Aspergers is like that.


Thank you for your response. I just hope I'm doing the right thing is all because I'm really supportive of him and yes I can relate to that a lot with my learning disability.



nick007
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19 Mar 2017, 3:16 am

It sounds like your doing the rite things.


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