Things people with ASD could find difficult in relationships

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When it comes to being in a committed relationship, I'm just wondering what kind of challenges or situations somebody with ASD might experience more, compared to challenges a Neurotypical person might face.

I know everyone is different but what are some common things people with ASD find? For example if they need to be left alone more but their partner thinks they don't like them doing this? Or not knowing what to do or say when someone is in distress showing you care for them? Things like this.

If anyone is in a relationship at the moment what kind of things do you find difficult that might be different to NTs? I hope to work on myself so eventually when I find someone to love, I will be prepared for these situations and improve myself.

Many thanks!

There's a good book by a guy who saved his marriage after finding out he was on the spectrum. It's called _The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband_ by David Finch. https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Pra ... 1439189749

Some of the kinds of things Aspies have trouble with include not saying "I love you" or giving compliments regularly, not remembering to buy gifts or make plans for birthdays/anniversaries/holidays, not doing their share of household chores, being controlling of their partner in order to preserve their own routines and preferences, meltdowns that look exactly like abusive rages from an NT, withdrawing to masturbate to porn instead of engaging their partners in intimacy, monologing but not listening to their partner talk, severe procrastination about important things like bills and taxes, "honest" negative comments that diminish their partners' self-esteem, refusal to attend parties and family gatherings isolating their partner from friends and family....those are just off the top of my head.

I think not knowing they are on the spectrum and not being aware of how their individual ASD traits might impact on a relationship could lead to difficulties.

This lack of self and social awareness can lead to emotional challenges for both partners, but I think its possible to introspect and form strategies that could rectify the balance needed in an equal relationship. Communicating accurately about these challenges could be another area that needs an individual approach.

Thanks, I hadn't heard of that one! I like the title.

1. Flirting makes no sense to me
2. I find all those unwritten rules totally counterintuitive

My biggest problem with getting dates that was Aspie related was that I'm too direct & straightforward & we had communication difficulties. I felt like they looked into hidden meanings with things I said & I felt like they took things I said the wrong way & they weren't saying what the meant.

-Fear of making mistakes
-Fear of saying the wrong things
-Shutting down w/ fear of rejection
-Need for time to put thoughts into words and process the meaning of other's words
-Inability to effectively converse in real-time
-Impulsively reacting to others,in times of distress
-Misinterpreting the words and/or intentions of others, based on degree of self-loathing/self-worth
-Need for extended periods of time in solitude
-Sensory processing issues and accommodations

texting/IM

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

^Indeed, texting is troublesome.

hi, and welcome back, cberg!

my biggest issue, that never escapes me, is i'm always overthinking and over-analyzing everything. and as a result, they are too. so we always both end up wondering what each other really means, we're always assuming things about each other, and it's always petty BS, like "wow, she sure seemed to be in a hurry to say good night" and we start accidentally playing these petty mind games with each other.

but, i've also never got too far past 3 months in dating, we're always stuck in that stage. i imagine with 2 adults who trust and are open with each other, those things would never happen.

the next hardest part, is with that style of poor communication and over thinking, i'm never able to fully grasp if i'm doing too much or too little. so, i always either end up not spending enough time with someone, or smothering them. there's never a good inbetween. but, i also imagine that if i had met the right person, that wouldn't be an issue at all, it'd all make sense. so, meh.

^Britte^ ~ thanx! Hopefully I can pass such hospitality along myself soon.

I think uncertainties are the roughest part. I ought to send the first message in a year or more to someone soon & it's consumed my mind. I have no clue if it looks natural for aspies (or just me) to show much of any formality so outwardly. Now how to turn shyness to good advantage...?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos