In love with a man with Aspergers

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Here’s the situation. I have fallen in love with a friend. I believe he has aspergers. He shows almost every one of the symptoms and has a special interest he is obsessed with, but luckily we share it. I have told him how I feel about him in a PM a few days ago but he has not said yes he is interested or no he is not, he is just still talking to me and acting as affectionate as he always does.He answered my PM almost as soon as he saw it. I was flirting with him the other day and sent him a few funny PMs about me flirting with him and told him I wanted to make him chuckle. His response was “It worked ” He has told me that he is incredibly busy right this moment, but it will ease up in a few days. I told him that I am very busy as well (I am ) and that we can chat next week. We chat via PM every day and he always encourages me in what I do and has nice things to say. He told me he thinks I am amazing, kind, and generous in the past and he is always there for me. When I see him he hugs me a lot. We both haven’t been involved with anyone for over 10 years. I don’t see him face to face often due to circumstances (I don’t drive) but I will be getting my driving license and will be seeing him in June, July and August. In August we will be going on a week long trip away with friends. Any thoughts? Do I even stand a chance with this person and how do I proceed?

Keep showing interest,chase and initiate,aspie males don't like initiating,they don't like hard work but love a chaser and someone that engages and are direct,genuine and honest.

The balls in your court?Be direct on what you want!

No games!

Thank you. I never play games as I hate that when it is done to me. I will keep pursuing as he does seem interested. I see interest but it is almost as if he is scared so I am being the one doing the initiating.

quoted for emphasis.


As for whether or not you have a chance, I think you have every chance. Do be patient, though. If he is an aspie, he'll likely need to process this development carefully. Expecting a quick answer to such an important and complex question will likely lead to dissapointment. That being said, we do sometimes need a "friendly nudge" upside the cranium and/or gluteus. Try to keep the pressure low. Best of luck!


EDIT:



Two things: first: he might be scared to make a move due to either inexperience or previous bad experiences, neither being uncommon among aspies.

Second: he might be worried that going through with a romantic relationship may risk the friendship he clearly values, should it not work out. Fear of risking what he DOES have for something he MIGHT have in the future.

Last edited by Wolfram87 on 27 Apr 2017, 6:29 am, edited 3 times in total.

Good,he's interested!

And regards to scared,Aspie males don't like quitters and don't like rejection.

Don't waste his time,if your not looking at long term.

Just saying...

Just go with the «If you [insert description here of how you want him to advance upon you] I actually wouldn't mind...» approach. You can also try «If you keep doing that [or insert description here of whatever it is that you like that he does] then I might just fall in love with you (or you could say further in love)» approach (or both)...

You got that right. Unlike so many males here that just take for granted that aspies need to learn to accept rejection.

I love some types of games. I'd state it like this instead: No games to test interest or with the purpose of rejection if they fail. Innocent games are quite fine. I'd love to get to know a girl with hints and game playing.

Playfulness is one thing. What's usually meant by "games" in this context is things like trying to provoke jealousy by faking interest in someone else or starting arguments just to see how he handles it and/or what she can get away with.

I agree that there is a difference between playfulness and mind games. I flirted with him and he simply didn't get it and then when I told him I was flirting with him he was surprised but very happy about it.

I wouldn't provoke jealousy or try to trick him or start an argument with him to see how he would react as I think that's a horrible way to see if someone is interested, Aspie or not!

No games? What do you mean by that? Like video games or board games?

Glad that somebody finally explained that. I've been lost on what people mean by these games.

Yes, if a girl pretended (or actually was) interested in other guys, I'd stop being interested really quick. I'm definitely not up to competing with other guys over a girl. She would have to decide who she is interested and be persistent about it, otherwise, I'd stop being interested.

However, I'd be fine with the opposite scenario: A girl asking her female friends to flirt with me to check if I'm exclusive. I'd pass that easily if I had a crush on the girl. I'd see that as a compliment.

A girl testing how much she can get away with sounds narcissistic, so definitely a red flag.

You seem to have some decent principles, and a willingness to be blunt when necessary. I think you have a good chance to make it work. Go get him etc.




Mind games, see other posts.





Glad to be of service.




Both instances of that famed aspie loyalty. I'd have to concur on both counts. And I'd hope that if I put a male friend up to a similar task with her, that the result would be the same. Speaking hypothetically, of course. I don't think any of my friends would be into that kind of scheming, nor would I to be frank.




I agree, but that sort of thing is apparently not that uncommon.

Luckily I am just as loyal and I have friends who have Aspergers who I love dearly, so I know the mindset. I just never had to deal with it in a romantic scenerio. He PMd me this morning to tell me that he hoped I will have a great weekend because I deserve it, despite being very busy, so this was a good sign.

Your explanation of what you have been experiencing, and the excitement you exude is so wonderful. I wish you and your friend/boyfriend, a wonderful time on your adventure, and your trip, together.

Much success to you, with your driving, as well, by the way!

A neurodiverse girl once subjected me to that kind of tests. Several of her friends tried to flirt and make contact with me. I rejected them all. I don't think she had problems motivating them either.

Even stranger, when we practically were in a relationship, she flirted with other guys. Like when we still courted each other it was expected that we were exclusive, but not when in a relationship. Kind of the opposite of how NTs behave. So, I guess NDs like that should have the "non-exclusive" talk. Just so both parties know they are in a non-exclusive relationship and don't confuse it with "I'm done with you".