Was I being unfair to this woman?

Post Reply New Topic

Basically I joined a dating site and messaged this woman, then she messaged me back, and I messaged her back. On her second message back to me, she asked me to hang out already. I thought it was a very fast movie, but I thought she was cute looking and nice, and thought... why not, you only live once.

So I asked her what we would do since we didn't have quite as much time, before I had to go to bed, for work the next morning. She said we can go for a drive or a walk and take it easy. So we went for a drive for about half an hour and it went well, and i gave her a kiss, after pulling over to drop her off. She kissed me back passionately and we made out for about another 30 minutes, and then our hands kept moving down below. I won't go into many more details, just trying to paint a picture of what happened.

So we agreed to go somewhere secluded to continue. When I got there, I told her to take off her pants in a naughty way and she took them right off, and I thought 'well I guess I pretty much know what she wants'.

So I thought that she wanted me for a sexual encounter, and probably not serious dating, since she was wanting to hookup that early on, with only 30 minutes into the date, and only 3 messages before asking me to go for a drive or a walk.

But now, the next day, she says she thought I was serious about wanting to date, or open to it. I told her (in a nice way), that I thought she was just mainly looking for a sexual encounter, or a FWB type situation, cause of how quickly she was willing to move yesterday and felt like she was leading me on as to sex, being what she wanted.

She then was kind of appalled and said she would never use someone for sex ever, and she is not that kind of woman at all. Kind of appalled and turned off that I assumed that about her.

Did I misinterpret her wrong and perhaps moved to fast? If I did, then I will accept it as me, making a mistake with her, but I was just wondering, how I should proceed now.

I really don't know her very well to know if I want to date or not, because the way she was acting I thought she wanted just one encounter or a FWB/casual type thing. What do you think? Was I being unfair?

You seem to have disparate opinions on when sex "should" occour in a serious dating-situation, or whether serious dating and quick sex are mutually exclusive. I wouldn't call that an unresolvable issue. Maybe give her a chance and go on a few dates with her, spend some more time with her before you decide to continue or not. I'm guessing you joined the dating site to date, and it seems she did, too.

Basically, you assumed that a "fast" woman only wants sex, and nothing else.

It seems like you were probably wrong.

She wanted you for more than just sex, it turns out.

I hope, if you really want a relationship with her, that you could resolve this.

Start off by apologizing for making that assumption about her. That you made a mistake.

Mistakes happen. And mature people listen to people when they apologize, and know that the person apologizing wants to do better.

Ok...first of all, you need to apologize PROFUSELY to this girl. Admit you made a HUGE mistake and you would like to start over. Take her out to a nice dinner ASAP, explain you DO want to continue seeing her, but you just want to take things a little slower and make this last.

On a side note, you da man for getting out there and actually getting dates. Big plusses on that.

Next time, gather more information before telling them what you think is happening. You did nothing wrong, you just didn't have all the information at hand.

Something else I noticed.

It might not have been the OP who initiated, actually.

I haven't been that fortunate: I've only had two women in my life initiate dates or lovemaking. One offered to treat me to ice cream (she was asexual, though she wanted to date me). The other actually dragged me into her apartment while she was naked.

In a way I felt fortunate--but I also felt like it was "too soon."

She taught me lots about how to please women--but she had problems which ruined the relationship.

I take my experience with her with a positive light.