I could never make a move....sexually that is

Post Reply New Topic

If I were in a relationship with a lady and it got to that point, I don't think I could ever make a move.....because I hate not being sure, Im pretty sure I would never know if it was okay or not.....I would just sit around and wait.... I hate not being sure, like when Im out in public and someone says my first name I dont answer or look around until I hear my last name, ....hmmm.....I dont know if that had anything to do with this , but oh well .........anyways, in a possible sexual situation, I would hate for my advances to e rebuffed.....I think I would need to be seduced if I were ever to get physical with a lady....becuase I would never know when the time has come...maybe if I was real drunk I could do it, with all that liquid confidence........anybody?......

Last edited by Bixbeiderbecke on 19 May 2007, 4:02 am, edited 2 times in total.

what in the name of Holy Kismet is all this about?

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. You aren't alone in this.

sorry for the rambling.......I kind of jumble the ol topics there on occasion....

why am I apologizing, we all know what happens to nice guys,....they finish last.....so um........F*** everybody here.......no.......just kidding.......

do not apologize, i know exactly what it was about. i discovered WP few days ago, i keep reading the forum here and i find myself in almost all the stories here. it's amazing. i also cannot make a move, i also need to be sure to do anything and that's quite impossible in this matter. once i had a date with a Canadian girl, i am a Slovak so English is not my native language. we were alone in woods walking. perfect situation for an Aspie, there are no distractions, just that new person i didn't know entirely how to deal with. but i was doing more or less well. then i said that i am hungry and she replied that she is tasty it's soooo obvious and guess what was going on in my head. i thought she probably wanted me to make the move but i started to think that maybe my English is not good enough and that expression may have some other meaning i don't know about, so i didn't react

Yeah, don't be sorry. Let it all out. Perhaps with a few less ...'s though

I can't even make a relational move buddy
I'm never sure whether 'time has come' to act.

heh, the same here, if ever had a date i didn't make the relational move. in slovakia i was used that girls always made the first step (what a paradise it was), here in portugal the girls don't even look at guys (the guys here in south Europe are more aggressive, if a girl makes an eye contact with some guy, he automatically supposes that she wants him, so they cannot do it)

I'm in the same boat. Always have been.
Alcohol helps - especially getting HER to
make the first move.

by using the word 'never' in this context you are making it more difficult to change your mind in the future.

let me guess that you are quite young?

well, if i think of all the various stages and phases i have been through in my adult life. there are things that can i do now that i never had imagined possible, for 'someone like me'.

I know exactly how you feel. I am so afraid of making a move that I never do, I always wait on the girl to make the first move and I'm sure I have missed out on a few opportunities because of it. Thing is, like most aspies, its very very difficult for me to read people, and women are confusing enough as it is, always through different signals. If I really feel like I have something with someone, then I don't want to make a move at the wrong time, so I end up never making a move because I am afraid of scaring her off.... So frustrating. I honestly think I am just going to quit trying, because it never really seems to work out anyways.

The big problem with this is that you need the other person to know she needs to do the first move.
However, it's very likely she won't know so in order to let her know, you eventually have to be the first to do a move anyways.

Likewise. I think the part I hate most about it is the fact that everyone else does, and I'm weird if I don't.

I think I've already established that I'm comparatively "weird" though.

Just take things slowly.
If she wants you to make a move, do it but in very subtle ways.

I struggle with this too. I too never made that first move, and waited for them to make it. I also used to use liquid courage to help me get up my nerves. Here's what I've learned from trial and error. To make the first kiss, first decide if things have been going well. Have they been listening to you? Are they trying to make eye contact with you? There's small things that NTs do when they're interested. Girls will usually make small gestures like touch your arm or shoulder when they're talking to you. Mess with their hair, or clothes, giggling, leaning towards you. So, we've established that she's interested in you. Also, remind yourself of this fact, they are still there with you. This is a good sign that they're actually interested. If they keep saying about how tired they are, or how they have to wake up early for work/school the next morning, things may not be going well.

Here's the way to make the first move. Try holding their hand. See how they respond. Hand holding is very easy to do if you do it casually. If you're walking with them, walk closely to them and wait for your hand to bump into theirs and grab on. You can try using an excuse to holding their hand, such as taking their hand to lead them away from something. Or, if you're up to it, just grab it and hold on. They may break the hand holding after a while, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If there's an excuse to it, then that's OK. If they complain about your sweaty palms, maybe you should reconsider. If you're sitting around somewhere, holding hands will work as well. I usually try to use an excuse, such as asking to see that ring they're wearing, I take their hand and look at it, ask them what significance it has, then just keep holding onto their hand while they tell me about it.

The way to make the move towards the first kiss is a little more complicated. Girls will do the usual grooming gestures, eye contact, etc... Also, look for them to play with their lips, licking them, or pinching them, or biting them. Wait for a break in the conversation, see if she maintains eye contact with you while you've both shut up for a moment. This is your chance, start to lean in and hopefully she'll lean in as well. Kiss her. If she pulls back, abort, and start over from the beginning. After the first kiss is well received, it's much easier from there on out because you know she wants to kiss you. Also, everything starts with a kiss, so from there on out, you're on your own.