I know it's wrong but I love my professor.

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My professor is great. I had her for two semesters in a row and she is the advisor for a club I attend as well as being involved in a charity center I volunteer for. Now I'm not taking any of her classes but I still see her once a week for club meetings and I use whatever other excuse (I think is socially appropriate) to stop by her office and talk to her. In the time we've spent together which as I mentioned is a decent amount, I feel that we've gotten to know each other very well and are somewhat close. I know her kids pretty also, as well as a lot about other aspects of her life. She too knows all of my obscure, specific interests and hobbies and she asks me about them.

High school was really rough for me and I didn't know how I would fair in college. My first year of college was really a test for me and I don't think I could have survived without her. Since then she has always been there for me through all sorts of academic and emotional crisis. She always is willing to listen to me even if I go on too long about a particular topic, which I know must happen occasionally. She really understands me and my problems but never seems to judge. I don't know if she's aware I have aspergers or not.

Long story short, (and I know this is a common thing among aspies) no one had ever treated me this way before and I couldn't help but to fall in love. Or at least I think it's love. I'm really infatuated. When she enters a room I'm in I pray that she'll sit near me even though normally I don't like people to be too close to me or to touch me. I know not to stare when I see her but when I can I like to sneak a deep look at her because she's so beautiful and just seeing her brings me a lot of comfort, especially when I'm upset.

She's married and I don't have any realistic expectations of her reciprocating interest back at me or is becoming a couple. I know she could never go beyond caring about me as her student but I still am enamored none the less.

I guess maybe Im looking for advice. Or maybe for someone to tell me what it is I'm feeling but, whether anyone even sees this, it feels good to have written it out.

Enjoy the fantasy if you never mention it to anyone in person.

This will be over when you leave school. You'll just have to grit your teeth and get through it. Crushes suck. There's this euphoria, but you know that it will come to nothing so there is this sadness too.

Try not to think about her. It's a difficult thing to do because the crush is a pleasant obsession, but we can control what we think about. So if you find your thoughts wandering to thinking about her, then force yourself to think about something else. Get engrossed in an activity you enjoy so that you can be distracted from thoughts of her.

It fades in time, but getting through the crush is difficult. I've been there.

Hi, what a lovely topic! I was waiting for some interesting topic to engage myself and here is a question for you. Why do you think it's wrong to love your professor? Professors are people just like everyone else, right? When we like professors, we do not need to act on it, due to conflict of interest (while we are in school) and not to violate university policies, but loving and admiring is certainly not a sin or a mistake.

It's actually a beautiful feeling even if it is from a distance. We need more love in the world. Professors usually like to be visited in their offices. I had a friend of mine who used to be a professor and he told me that if nobody stops by his office, it did not feel good to him, because the most liked professors are usually visited often, because students love talking to them.

The feeling of closeness must have been very nice, isn't it? Sometimes that is hard to accomplish. We can't feel close to everyone. There is something that resonated within you. However, it's very difficult to know for sure and with 100% certainty that the other person feels close to us, the way we do. It's difficult to know what the other person is thinking or feeling with certainty. Maybe the other person does not even know. Sometimes people will act "as if" they feel somewhat close to us but they actually do not feel that, they just act that way because they are nice and social.

If she knows all of your obscure, specific interests and hobbies and she asks you about them, that can indicate that she is interested in who you are as a person, because there is a conversation going beyond school stuff, however, it's not unusual for professors to talk to students this way without having a romantic interest.

Sorry to hear about your first year of college, it must have been very tough for you. I am glad that your professor was there for you through all sorts of academic and emotional crisis. She always is willing to listen to you, she really understands you with no judgement. Some professors are good like that and some would not want to provide that type of support. You described how she made you feel so beautifully. It looks like you don't know for sure if she is nice to you because of you, or because she is aware that you have Asperger's. Professors are usually trained to detect students under your circumstances, but they are not professional psychologists to be able to determine that from just simply talking to students.

What a wonderful feeling, no one had ever treated you that way before and you couldn't help but to fall in love. Or at least you think it's love. Falling in love is, in my opinion, beyond someone's will. We can't make ourselves fall in love. There are people we want to fall in love but it does not happen with them. It happens with someone else. It sounds like you are unsure if you really fell in love or if this is an infatuation? So how do we know the difference?

Infatuation is more about falling in love due to a role, e.g ( professor, police officer, priest etc.) while falling in love is more about the physical attraction, spiritual attraction, intellectual attraction, emotional attraction outside of the role. Basically, would you like this person as much as you do now, if she isn't your professor? Try to imagine it. If yes, than you fell in love. If no, then it's just infatuation.

It sounds like you like to be in her presence. You pray that she'll sit near you. You like to sneak a deep look at her because she's so beautiful and just seeing her brings you a lot of comfort. This is emotional attraction. She makes you feel good, happy, and comfortable. So you are emotionally attracted to her. What about intellectual attraction, physical, spiritual? How compatible two of you would be? Was it love at first sight? When did you become aware that you like her romantically? Or was it something that developed after awhile?

As you said, realistically speaking, no you can not expect anything from professor while in school (in romantic sense). Professor can lose her job and if you really like her under no circumstances should you reveal your feelings, or add to such risk, and if she really likes you, under no circumstances she would put you in such risk, or reveal her feelings, while you are in school... and we should not interfere in anyone's marriage. Period.

There are 3 challenges in your situation at present time. 1) she is your professor, 2) she is unavailable ( married ) and 3) mutual compatibility is unknown. This is hard! You could have had someone else with no such obstacles. But, if you really like her that much, in order to overcome these obstacles, you need to graduate first and focus on your studies. After the graduation, you can asses the situation again and see how things are. Things in her life ( and your life ) may change, you never know. Then you have compatibility issue, but that is the very last step. You would need to know her first, to be able to figure that out.

It's great that you had the courage to speak of this experience in public forums. I hope you get more insights and please feel free to ask any question, if I can be of any help, I enjoy helping as much as my free time allows me.