Untenable situation?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all,

Back from my touring holiday of the Southern Realms. Still don't have that research lab tech job, but I didn't want it in the first place, I just wanted to unload a hot potato I'd had bouncing inside my brainpan since around the time of the final Family Court case that took me out in late 2012. My interest now is... meh? If they pay me, and good money, I might consider it.

Then again, I hate the cold in the Southern Realms. Screw that.

So, some numbers please? Pretty certain six women tried various modus operandi styles of trying to... I dunno, at least get me to do something other than think about sinking another beer? Had a bartender at the Red Cow at the beginning of The Slot up the Blue Mountains promise she'd talk to me, even make a kissing gesture... and nada. Or at least, I ran out of money, got bored, and took the train back to the Valley half sloshed.

Had a woman on the XPT down give me than the once over, I realised she was the one I'd seen with the tiny as Macbook Air. So I quizzed her about that, and she looked down "Uh, I gotta make a phone call..." - "Yeah, I know what the reception is like on these rust buckets - pitiful. Besides, I used to be a phone tech. Make your call." And I went... dead... after that, I guess. Not her fault, she kept looking at me, and looking away when I glanced at her, but I was bored. And wanting more beer.

Analysis: the common denominator here is, I keep wanting beer. Hmmm, I should buy beer?

And no, I will not say anything about the MQ psychology undergrad at Blacktown Gametraders who still tried to measure the whites of my eyes with the verniers I keep in my toolbox even after I told her I was "dumb, Irish, and autistic," talk about Get out of my damned personal space! Gah. I even had to tell her, twice, I was going to look at the damned posters by my damned self.

Further analysis: I'm a cranky old sh*t, aren't I?

I get back to the Northern Realms, and... crap. I don't want to be alone any longer. I actually enjoyed seeing my family and friends, and riding around a few backyard railways. I'm pretty certain my article "What I did on my Autumn Vacation" is being published in the next issue of a British model engineering magazine, at least, thats what the Editor has told me.

I'm alone up here. With an utter pigsty I left behind that I now have to clean up. Ouch.

Well, I've gotten the elbow grease into the place. My workshop is literally a disaster waiting to happen, so its been Tools Down until I can actually move around in there without knocking a rack of tools or gear over. The whole Tools Down thing kind of sucks for now, I have pretty much all the components to make my MEDCC V2 system, and the MEDCC V1 pendant. But, I made myself promise, clean the place up, then enjoy.

Just by happenstance, I picked up a copy of the local free rag the other day, and leafed through it. Seems Tuesday the Regional Council are putting on a free seminar concerning innovation of internet based businesses in the district. Ok, so I might learn something, and if people keep a respectful distance, I might even walk away with some contacts. Plus there could be free food? I'm all about the right price, plus I pay my damned rates too!

I also noted there is karaoke on a Saturday night at the pub just up the hill from me. I pretty much floored a bunch of my old schoolmates back in the Valley - "We've known you over twenty years, since when could you sing like THAT?!" Ok, I can sing grunge, but then again, I keep thinking its 1994 anyway, so we're all sweet.

I'm breaking out of the self imposed box I'd made for myself for the almost two years I've been up here. Then again, I've been as crook as a dog, and trying to sort out sh*t I know will never have a closure, never see an outcome I will accept, if not for myself, then for my almost two year old niece. She deserves far better than myself or her mother, my baby sister, ever got.

As for the whole "You can't have kids, you're useless!" thing? Dunno. It still hurts like the son of a b***h, considering no quack will likely ever give me a proper diagnosis, they keep chasing spooks they create to try to not admit there is bugger all they can do to help me. Possibly I should be upfront with whoever chats me up, if she decides I'm a useless piece of druk like the ex-fiance did, then thats her beef with reality, not mine.

My untenable subject? I'd like a companion. A la Doctor Who style. But there isn't enough of me for me, I can't just go giving someone things I simply do not have. Yet pretty much every woman who has had any part of an inkling she likes me has had exactly one thought on her mind.

Perhaps I should tell them I get bored very easily. Like, not even complex FEA modelling of dual offset oscillating Tesla coils is enough to keep me interested for more than five minutes, and thats even with a baby supercomputer I'd half rigged up to set the baseline for me doing the heavy lifting.

All I know is the previous advice I'd had of "Stop chasing smart women, find something different to like" will never work. Actually, I don't chase anyone. I just like smart women. But thats my beef with reality.

Anyway, who the Hell knows? I'm just quite passe on all of this. It is what it is, I guess?

TL;DR: Why, oh why, didn't I take the blue pill?! Ok, why, oh why, can't I convince myself a woman will put up with me wanting a companion, likely a cold and distant one at that?