Neurotypia girl common law with aspie guy

Post Reply New Topic

Hello all. New to getting advice in fact this is my first attempt. Long story short(er) we dated for a couple years a few years ago where we ended our relationship due to some extremes that had happened that we could not overcome at that time. We got back together last august and have been living together since December. I love him very much and want to be with him for the rest of my life but I'm not sure that I am strong enough. I have manic depression and I have a 7 year old son with ADHD. Living with my partner I have become a mother of 2 as he takes very little responsibility for any adult type things he should be doing I.e. Cleaning the house, walking the dogs, making dinner(he just orders pizza when I'm unable to cook ). There's a second part to this as well. While we were broken up he had dated someone for a few months And she got pregnant. He now has a 6 month old son. There is too much to this story to write all in one spot. My concern I see I can't handle all of this even though I am trying so very hard. Any advice for our relationship ? If you have questions ask away. I'm an open book. Thanks for reading.

I'm probably not going to tell you anything you want to hear. It would have been over with me after he got someone else pregnant and now has a child. I don't want that kind of baggage.

My concern would be you can't really depend on him, he's extremely irresponsible and doesn't seem like he can handle commitment at all which are all very bad traits for a relationship, also seems like he is kind of taking advantage of you. If I understand right you guys broke it off in order to deal with some extremes and stress of it, yet he went off and formed a new relationship and had a baby with her? If there was any chance of you guys getting back together he should have taken precautions not to get her pregnant. Doesn't seem like he really cared if he got back with you or not at that point. Now as it stands he has a 6 month old son with another women, what are his plans for dealing with that? I can imagine it would be akward if he had visitation and wanted to bring the kid home some weekends or whatever, then you'll have 3 children to take care of at times. Kind of seems like he got serious with her, irresponsibly got her pregnant then when he realized having a baby meant responsibility he was out of there and came back to you as a rebound.

That is a lot to handle, did he even tell you he had a child with someone else before you guys got back together? Either way I think it is very understandable if that is too much for you to handle. I mean all the love and trying in the world isn't going to work if he can't at least meet you part way, which it doesn't really sound like he's doing. Also does he have like a consistent job and some financial stability or no like, can he afford the pizza he orders, does he help with the rent/utilities and grocery costs? I really have to question whether he actually loves you or just likes that he can live with you and have you do all the work while he sits around and orders pizzas, whereas I suspect this other women expected more like help taking care of the baby along with housework and cooking and such. I mean what is to stop him leaving you whenever any responsibility comes up?

You two can have all the obstacles in the world, but what matters is how you two choose to handle them as a couple. Do you two talk about these things, or do you sweep them under the rug and hope the problems solve itself? If you two can talk about these things as a couple and work them out, you'll be fine honestly, assuming he holds his end. But, if he can't.. if he just brushes it off or neglects his part, or acts as if he doesn't have time for it, then it's time to move on.

Not much to say here. I would never reunite with someone who has gotten another person pregnant. I'd say find somebody else.

Are you saying while you are together right now. Your boyfriend had sex with another woman and now has a son. But you 2 are still together. Just break up with him. And what's with the title honestly? Is he an aspie while you're NT?

No folks it was whilst they were apart that he dated someone else and got her pregnant

Ok never mind what I said. I actually don't find anything wrong with him being with another woman and made her pregnant. Because he wasn't cheating on the poster with another woman. They were all ready exs when this happened. So I don't find him guilty for anything

I understand that they were apart when all of this took place, but now he has a kid and I wouldn't want any part of that situation.

Hello. Yes I realize the baggage that he has now but that is not my concern that information was just for detail(yes it is a lot to handle but we've been through a lot over the years some way worse than that) . I'm more concerned because he refuses to get diagnosed at this time as he does not believe he has anything. I've been researching and not a lot of neurotypical spouses seem happy at all. I would like to be able to understand him more burn how can I do that if he refuses anything I say about it.

When you said that? Do you mean where both the people in the couple are neurotypical? But I thought your boyfriend was an aspie though. So it's not a 100% neurotypical with him and you.

I apologize. I am "neurotypical" I believe is the term. I do not have aspergers. My partner/boyfriend on the other hand I believe 100% has it but refuses to get diagnosed. The worst thing at this time for us is that I nag A LOT as he does not take any eespondabilty for chores or anything else really. I would like to stop nagging and I am researching into how I can be a better partner. But he does not seem so into researching anything or really doing anything to make this better. He Only tells me if I stopped nagging he would do things.... is there anything I can do? Or is this a lost cause. I love him dearly and it would break my heart to leave him over a difference in our brains.

I am just not so sure what a diagnoses would do...even if he did agree to be evaluated for it, doesn't mean he'd do anything to try to understand it or work on improving the things that are making the relationship difficult. Also that he went off had a baby with someone else..then just left them once he realized baby might mean responsibility and came back to you is kind of concerning, sounds like a rebound relationship. And that is certainly not something you can blame on aspergers, plenty of neurotypicals do it to.

Either way based on that, what happens if any responsibility in regards to his relationship with you comes up? He'll probably abandon you to. Perhaps for now you can do all the housework and cooking and such while he doesn't lift a finger...but eventually you're going to get fed up with doing all that while you have an S.O that is supposed to be your partner just sits around ordering pizzas and watching t.v.. How does he even help you with household bills or pay for the Pizza anyways? Or do you have to pay all that as well as pay the Pizza person when they come to the door?

But are you really nagging? Or does he just literally not help so you ask him to, and then he continues not to help so you ask him again...I get the impression if you said nothing to him he'd also not help, but he'd rather not help and also not have to hear about it.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 26 Apr 2017, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Alas, I cannot spare as much time on this response as I usually need to thoroughly explain everything, but really the most-important thing that you can learn to do in life is to simply be forgiving and peaceful.

I actually have all of those skills that I actually do (cooking, cleaning, office-work, etc), and more, but there are various reasons why I cannot commit much time to having any kind of partner right now (also considering how many of the years of my life were lived in somewhat of a homeless and/or orphaned manner until the last few years).

Anyway, regarding cooking, you don't necessarily need to know how to cook the «traditional» way to be able to cook; all you need to be able to do is know what quantities/proportions of foods to mix together, along with the necessary seasonings so that what you and your little ones eat don't taste so bland that you feel like spitting it out.

How can this be done you ask? Nevermind the stove-top unless you have a lot of time to spare; you can still cook healthy, delicious-tasting meals, via the use of tools like slow-cookers or modern-day pressure-cookers. The advantage is that they have a «timer» that automatically switches the heat to warm so that you don't end up burning all of your food and accidentally setting a few houses on fire like I used to do before I learned to discipline my own cooking.

See, I had this mother who just wouldn't stop pestering me about cooking, but in all honesty I actually prefer my cooking to her cooking, even though she's had many more «years» of experience (and at least she's willing to admit that there are certain foods/dishes/recipes that I most-certainly cook far better than her).

Anyway, regarding keeping your food healthy, and getting the little ones to be able to eat, what you do is you mix in what they like to eat with what they might otherwise not like to eat. For example, liver is the healthiest part of any animal-meat that one can eat, but most people dislike eating liver by itself (even I don't eat liver that way but I do know that it's EXTREMELY healthy). Just cut up the liver into little tiny bits, grind them if needed, just don't accidentally cut or scrape your fingers of course. Spread it around like a seasoning, spinach also makes surprisingly good cooking juice, when mixed in with such things. Actually, I have a lot of different cooking skills and tricks and tips and short-cuts that I've learned over the years, all FULL of COMPLETELY HEALTHY (and delicious) recipes, and there was even this one brat from California that came to visit who HATED tomatoes, but I made him one of my veggie-wraps (well it wasn't ALL vegetables), and he ate it, and was really surprised at how good it was, and now he eats tomatoes.

My veggie-wrap consisted of a soft-flour burrito flour-tortilla (that flat circular-shaped bread-like thing that Mexicans like to use to make burritos), thin slices of butter, thin slices of tomato, lettuce (can be either as a big leaf or shredded), whatever sammich-style meat you want to use, cucumber, alfalfa-sprouts (I sprout them myself in VICTORIO sprouting jars that are available on Amazon), slices of green-peppers, and any other additional ingredients are optional (such as more of other types of vegetables and/or egg and/or condiments). It's not that difficult to make, does not require turning on any stove, and is VERY HEALTHY for you to eat (this particular recipe is what is essentially what I might deem as one of my «sacred food» recipes). Just try to keep all of your ingredients ORGANIC of course.

Regarding your «manic depression» condition, try to find a good educator with a verifiable reputation who can teach you effective meditation, then combine that with maybe a well-qualified hypno-therapist (but most of all, what you eat is the MOST IMPORTANT aspect of what affects your health, and it's a good idea to take the supplements of Vitamin C, Vitamin D especially, Kelp/Iodine, just to name the most important ones, but I also make use of Vinpocetine and Ginger-Root Supplement and Cayenne-Pepper Supplement and Thytrophin and Catalyn supplements and Fish-Oil and a few others these days since the «globlist/elitists» of the «planet» want to euthanise the world-populations by doing things like spraying the skies with chem-trails in order to destroy everyone's thyroid-function but more on my «crazy tin-foil hat-wearing conspiracy theories» another day).

Regarding your partner, if he's not willing or able to actually DO the «adult-type» work himself (in before connotations about bed-room activities), then at the very least you should try to identify what he CAN or is willing to do. Does he have any teaching ability ? Do you ? Perhaps the little ones can help you out. Anyway, you will need to learn to make use of short-cuts, like I do in order to free up more of your time (because God only knows just how much time I need to try and organise and de-clutter the insane amount of «stuff» that my recent step-father left behind after his passing away a few years ago; so much that a whole entire LITERAL WAREHOUSE was built in connection with my parents' previous house just to be able to hold and keep and store all of it, and even after having sold several thousands of dollars worth of stuff, I still have at least a couple million more dollars worth of crap to go through and sell off).

Anyway, I have a package that I need to bring to the mail-box soon before it closes, for one of my customers (I am also glad to say that I still have a five-star rating on Amazon with my business), but here are MY list of SOME of MY short-cuts that I use that you might be able to make use of and integrate into your own life:

Robot-Vacuums: (I have two of them and use them to vacuum the floor for me whilst I am out)
Pressure-Cooker, Nu-Wave Oven, Slow-Cooker, etc.: This way they are «timed» cookers and you don't need to be constantly on watch at the stove and can do other things whilst the food is cooking
Air-Purifiers, O-Zone Generators, alternate laundry method: I rarely do my «laundry» these days, not in the «traditional» sense anyway, but will usually just pour a bit of soap onto whatever clothes I was wearing that need to be washed, scrub them a bit with my hand, wring them out dry, then hang them up to fully dry. I generally go through maybe up to two or three or four pieces of clothing a day doing this, usually during a time when I'm already washing other things anyway (like showering or dishes), and I figured out that this manages to save me a lot of time from having to take out a huge chunk of time out of the week to do laundry and fold clothes.

Most Aspies usually should be able to have «inventive» ideas so if he's not contributing in the «traditional» manner then maybe you could at least try to have him come up with some time-saving ideas for the two of you. Anyway, I hope you got some useful ideas out of this, and maybe it will help to relieve your stress-levels. I have more I can say, and probably need to say, and maybe want to say, but just as you have stated yourself, there's always too much to any story to write all in one spot/post/etc. Good luck with getting back on track and now I'm off to mail my order to one of my customers before the post-office closes...

Your first responsibility is to your son. Does caring for this man who will not be an adult, detract from your ability to care for your son? If yes, then leave.

Having AS is no excuse for not sharing household responsibilities.