Weird and confusing thing on schooltrip.

Post Reply New Topic

Please help me understand this situation, it's confusing me as hell because for every 'no' with a valid reason, my mind can come up with a 'yes' with a valid reason and vica versa


Hi, i just got back from a schooltrip to Paris for the past 3 days.
We left Wednesday at 5:45 and came back Friday, today at 21:00.

NOTE: She has a (longterm) boyfriend.
This girl, Chloé has problems with her bloodpressure and she has to take medication for it.
However, Thursday, she forgot to take them.
Because of that, she feels weak and faints quite a lot.
We went to the Musée d'Orsay and when we where in there, she didn't look very well so i asked her what's wrong.
She explained the whole situation about the medication to me and that she felt weak/bad + that she fainted that morning.
I was kind of worried so i kept an eye on here while we where taking several escalators (5 i think) to the top floor.
She was behind of the group with a mutual friend and i was at the head-group.
I noticed they didn't came so i immediately rushed back and saw she had fainted and was trembling on the ground.
I called the rest of the group and they came over, she ate some salty things and we were on our way again.

[NOTE: When i'm talking about "walking with her" i mean ; Walking like a couple, my left hand on her left shoulder, her right on my hip]

After we had no more time left, we went outside to leave for the meetingpoint but because some hadn't come back yet, we waited there.
When the missing guys came, we started going back to the subway.
I asked Chloé if she as alright and she said she wasn't.
(I'm not very sure about how this happened, it's bit blank in my head)
Then, she hugged me (doesn't mean anything, we kinda do this a lot in my 'social circle') and put her right arm/hand on my right hip and stood left of me.
(I think this is what happened) She then asked me to support her so i put my left hand/arm on her left shoulder and we walked to the subway like this.
Every time we'd stand still, she'd lay her head on my shoulder, resting.
I felt kind of uneasy as we looked a lot like a couple and i knew all the ones on the trip knew she had a boyfriend.
I also felt a bit uneasy because i haven't really walked with anyone like that.
We did this until we arrived at our destination and we were on the meetingspot with 3/4 of our group. (You had several activities to choose from and we all met at the same spot on the same hour.)
I spoke with a friend of me while Chloé was a meter away when she fainted again.
After doing the same routine again (legs up, salty food, rest) she was fine.
We had 2 hours of free time to get ourselves some diner and my best friends weren't back yet (they had traffic problems so they were going to be 40 minutes late.)
So i decided i'd go search something to eat with Chloé and 6 mutual female friends.
After we where finished eating at an Italian restaurant, they wanted to go shopping.
I went along and we went into some shops and all.
After some time, we noticed a cocktail bar with Happy Hour (€6/cocktail instead of €10) and thought it would be fun to go drink a cocktail.
(3 friends didn't want to have a drink so they went on shopping without us.)
After that, we went back to our meetingplace and went to the Eiffel Tower where i didn't see her anymore. (We were with a group of 90 people and the whole place was busy as hell.)
After the visit, we were waiting for the bus with about 10 people and i sat down on the curb and she sat between my legs.
We kind of cuddled there, she gave me a soft kiss on my hand/wrist and then she went away. (i'm saying kind of because i held her and to me, it looked like cuddling but to another it wouldn't.)

I was kind of pondering about it during the evening and morning.
I thought it was just something that didn't mean anything but just happened.
This morning, we had a morning activity and we walked to le Sacre Coeur on the top of Monmartre.
When we got there, they gave us 2 hours to do whatever we wanted.
We (a group of 12 mutual friends) decided we'd take the subway to Paris-city and have lunch there and do some shopping.
As soon as we started going down, Chloé came over to me and put her hand again on my hip and we walked like that down all the stairs and into the subway.
After the trainride (where i still held her), we stepped out into a shoppingmall and since i had to go to the toilets, i let her go.
She went off for a store on her own without anyone holding her or anything and came back after a while and sat on my lap.
We walked (like a couple again) to some clothing shop and jokingly said we looked like a couple but she didn't seem to mind at all.
I let her go for a while and while we were taking the subway back to the meetingplace (carousel down the stairs of le Sacre Coeur), she fainted again and fell down because no-one was walking with her. (When we were in big groups, she'd be walking with her female friends and sometimes also when we were in small groups. After i let her go, she walked with a friend)
I was feeling kind of guilty so when she was back on her feet again, i said her i was going to walk with her and i wouldn't let her walk alone.
Then, nothing special happened anymore.

We were with a bus and the journey took 4h so at 14:00, we all got into our bus.
My friends and me all sit on the 2 back rows.
And normally, she sits on the second-last row but now she sat on the back row next to me.
She leaned against me and cuddled a bit or rested on my shoulder and so on for 3 hours.
The last hour we had this big group conversation (Within the 'social circle of friends'.) and she complained a lot about her boyfriend.
She then wrote *J'adore Paris* on my arm.
And a friend wrote beneath it; *+ Chloé* to which Chloé answered that friend wasn't really thinking.

Here are some other notes:
-Chloé told me she found it very cute and nice that i kept an eye on her when she didn't feel well at le Musée d'Orsay.
-The friend that wrote *+ Chloé* on my arm was kind of serious about it, Chloé was too about that friend not really thinking.
-Chloé has always been particularly friendly to me, she always tries to lure me out of my shell when i'm on a party for example.
-She complained a lot about her boyfriend being rude, jealous while i was around.
-She got a lot of text messages from her boyfriend during the trip asking what she's doing and who she's with and so on. (She took it as her boyfriend being paranoid)
-She looked like she felt really comfortable resting her head on my shoulder and leaning on me.
-When we were in small groups, even when her best friends where along, she'd walk with me, when we were in the big group, she wouldn't.


I'm sorry i've written such a large post but i'm really confused on whether i was just a emotional and physical support for her or she actually likes me.

Last edited by AdrianB on 06 May 2007, 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

Here is how I am interpreting this: She is debating leaving her boyfriend, but wants to get her ducks in a row first. That includes selecting a new boyfriend before hand. This may or may not be good for you.

I think it was just being very good friends, may be she was using you a bit for support and thinks of you as a safe person to do that with. I would not pursue anything else while there is a boyfriend so close - at best you would be the rebound relationship - and it is likely she could just use you to make him jealous to try and `fix`that relationship. If she dumps the boyfriend and then makes these moves to you it is genuine like.

Both views are reasonable..
The first is a bit crude but i can see that in her a bit.
The second view was what i thought at first.
Maybe she felt the need to 'rebel' against her boyfriend.

I coined the phrase "Pet Poodle Syndrome" to describe these situations. Be it a straight women and gay man or straight women and straight man relationship. It's still the same old story. You will be used as her cuddly pet to hold in her arms when it's convient for her. When it's no longer convient you will be tossed on the feather stuffed sofa so she can continue her real life with "Mr. Swinging his Big you know what around." Have you read "The Sun Also Rises."
Been there ,done that.
I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about anything that might occur during a holiday excursion. It's not real life.

Some women use a "nice guy" for emotional support while they continue to sleep with the man they are really sexually attracted to.

I would suggest you not jump to the conclusion that this is happening, but be wary of the possibility.

On the other hand do NOT be the nice guy if she doesn't seem to want to take things further. You can waste years of your life that way, waiting for her to finally leave the boyfriend she claims is so horrible (but is really great in bed though she won't admit it. hey just a theory ).

The best thing to do now is to watch how she behaves now that she is back with her boyfriend. If she doesn't come around pretty soon just put her out of your mind. If she is a user she WILL string you along so what you're looking for is a clean break with the old boyfriend and new commitment to you. Anything short of that is less nothing.

yeah.

man.

get gone while there is still a good chance before your emotions take control and you want to stay there.

But I admire you for wanting to be there. Good man, but you need to make sure that you konw what you're doing if she does end up leaving him(which I DOUBT) and come to you.

Just remember that its not your fault if this never does work out.

I've taken my decision.
I'll just be a nice friend/support to her and i'll do my very best not to expect anything more of it.
I also noticed my mind was going wild with several fantastic scenarios already.

But it feels so weird you know; she's like this friendly (but sometimes sharp edged) girl that liked spending time with me and has gotten closer to me physicaly then any girl before except for my girlfriend 4y ago.
And now i have to seek evil plans behind it..

Last edited by AdrianB on 05 May 2007, 4:24 am, edited 2 times in total.

Well said.

I liked this story. The whole cuddling/holding/touching thing was well... touching. It's amazing how something simple like putting your arm around someone or having someone lean against you can feel so good. But I'm still wondering whether she really likes you, or just using you as a cuddle buddy, a platonic friend with cuddling benefits. In my opinion, cuddling is borderline cheating, but I don't know what Chloe thinks. Anyway, don't get too hung up on her emotionally. After all, she has a boyfriend, don't forget that even for a second. But continue enjoying the closeness and the cuddling. Sometimes, cuddling is just cuddling (cf. "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"). Don't get worked up over it, since there is a possibility that she's using you; stay objective about this whole thing. But continue being friends with her. After all, there is some chance for you and her, just don't count on it.

GAAAH!
She confuses me so much i just hate it!

I just went to the 'open door day' of my school. (don't know the correct translation, 'door day' maybe?)
She ran enthusiasticly straight towards me while holding direct eye contact, hugged me (tightly) and gave me a peck on the cheek.
Then she greeted my friend.
Then, she put her right-hand on my hip again and we stood like a couple again.
She felt good and all so it wasn't for physical or emotional support now.

Goddamnit, i can't dare risking my friendship with her by just asking her about it...


EDIT: I've known her for about 2 years now and this evening, she must've asked around for my mail-address because she just added me to her MSN contact's list!
(i was thinking about asking around for hers actually )


@Aspie1:
You hit the nail on the head, it amazed me too how much i can appreciate gentle touches like that.
When she wrote on my arm, i constantly had this lovely tingly feeling over my spine.

I've sought help from a female friend of me.
She's quite sure she has something for me.
I want to go after her now but i don't know how..
I want to do it as subtle as possible so i don't blow anything.

Does anybody have an idea?

Crap.
I talked to one of Chloés best friends and turns out she has this 'inclination' to act towards certain people.
Without any meaning behind it.
She does this by nature..
She even gave me an example of how she's done this with another guy during the schoolplay rehearsals too.


f*****g crap.
Just another f**k up, i get my hopes up just to have them shot down.
Every time i think i've advanced, i find out i never moved.
Every time i think things go good, it turns out they're nothing more then what they were before.

Maybe i should just give up on things like this and move on to something that actually works out.

You did not f**k up! You simply misunderstood the situation! Heck, I'd have reacted the same way. Apparently, Chloe is a touchy-feely person by nature, so she does the arm-around-waist thing with any person she feels comfortable with, which means she's comfortable with you. Anyway, accept it as a simple misunderstanding, learn a lesson from it, and move on, rather than beat yourself up over it. Look at it this way: you got a chance to cuddle and be close with a girl; a lot of aspie guys don't even get to do that. Next time you and Chloe are traveling somewhere, you can do it again. Just remember that it won't go anywhere beyond cuddling/touching, and don't try to force it either. But I don't blame for you getting a crush on her because of what happened.

I had a similar experience, only it was with a girl I didn't know. I was at a bar somewhere, and it had a giant patio in the back. That's where most people were hanging out, including the band that was playing. I ended up getting separated from my friends, but I didn't regret it. At one point, I approached this girl, who was standing by herself. She had an unassuming, friendly vibe to her, and was a little shorter than me. We made small talk for about 10 minutes, stuff like "what do you think of the band?". Suddenly, she said: "it's getting kind of chilly". So I put my arm around her, a in joking/flirty kind of way. Much to my surprise, she put her arm around me and pressed into me. It never happened to me before, and it felt really good. We stayed like that for another ten minutes, while the band continued playing. Then one of her friends called her on the phone, and she told me: "I gotta go; my friends are coming to pick me up." She gave me a hug, and walked toward the exit. I couldn't stop thinking about that girl for weeks.

Dude, Aspie1 is right. You're not the f**k up. This also happens to NTs. Do yourself a huge favor and let it be. But don't hold a grudge either.

What the hell? 'Inclination' is just a pathetic excuse for her to be affectionate and all lovey-dovey to anyone she wants without any repercussions or strings attached. Sounds like she's using you - I wouldn't put myself in a submissive supporter/friend role. Don't let her call the shots, tell you that what she's doing is misleading and wrong. Stand up for yourself.