Did I do ok... or did I screw up?

Post Reply New Topic

Last night, I went to the club I usually like to hang out at. My friend Beth was KJ that night, and she started early, because she knew I'd have to be taking a bus home in a couple hours and she wanted to let me sing as much as I could before then (isn't she sweet?).

Anyway... about maybe a half hour before I had to leave to catch the last bus out, three young women walked into the bar. Maybe late 20something, early 30somethings. They came in to hear Beth sing (she sings like an angel). The tallest one (a bit taller than me) smiled at me a lot, and after I did a song she said "I want to dance with you!"... so we did (which for me is pretty much jerking around and pretending I know what I'm doing... but she didn't seem to mind...).

Afterward, I was outside, getting ready to leave, said goodbye to her, was nice meeting her, etc., we chatted a bit then she gave me a hug and said she hoped to see me again, and that she'd be back again. But I was too shy to ask her number...

A while later, I called the club from the bus stop, and asked Beth to talk to the girl for me, maybe ask her for her number or give her mine, and Beth said sure. Don't know if I should have done that or not... now I'm all angsty about it.

And I hate being angsty.

Yeah, you should have asked yourself for sure. If not, then set up another time to meet her.

Asking your friend to do it for you, depends how she handles it. If she is good, she may be able to do it without it looking like you are desperate. If the chances are that you were not going to see her again, then you gave yourself the only option by phoning Beth.

When she said, she hoped to see you again. That's a big out she is giving you. You say OK and get her number right then; or arrange next meet.

I miss these things myself: i realise things like this ten minutes too late also.

edit: I think you must have made a good impression earlier. This is the hardest bit. I think you still have a chance.

Yeah you did good overall.
Dancing with her is a big plus to most women.
The hug thing is a great sign.
Women who like physical contact usually aren't the conservative types.
Go for it man.

It does not sound unrecoverable to me... Considering too that they came to hear Beth sing.
If Beth does not get the number and you see her at the club again, ask for her number then...

[quote="EarthCalling"]Considering too that they came to hear Beth sing.
/quote]

Yes, this is big social proofing. You are friends with the star act.

However, if these are regulars and you have seen this girl before at the club, then you made a big mistake. Not only had you the option of seeing her again at the club. But she is going to wonder why you do not do your own dirty-work. If you had not seen her before at the club, then i would not kick yourself too much about asking Beth. You are still in the running either way.

You were given a big hint. It is almost like you rejected this girl already.
You need to speak to Beth, soon as possible.

Hadn't seen them before. At least, I don't think I had. (Though I often don't recognize people...)

Can you call Beth and find out if she was successful in getting her number?
Or go back to the club to try to catch her in person, armed with paper and pen?

I'll see her tonight or tomorrow. No worries.

I'm going to just think of the fun I had, and not angst about what might have been or might be. If she calls me, or I get her number, then all's good. If not, still I had fun, and maybe learned something.

It sounds like a lovely relaxed situation, to have lovely relaxed feelings about.

The angst is probably inevitable, in most any male Aspie brain. Maybe see it as background buzz, since it's inevitable?

Very good plan. And, I agree with EarthCalling. Because they are friends, it might work out fine.

"Friends with the star act" is a plus, I suppose. It certainly doesn't hurt! Any day you come in to that place, you can hear Beth and I engaged in friendly banter, and last night I think we were doing it in spades, me quipping from the mike, and her retorting back from behind the booth... I never looked on that as "social proofing"... but I can see that it does make me look more "acceptable" to the other patrons in the bar. Kinda like, "If she likes him, he must be ok", I guess.

Anyway... I'll keep you guys posted.

indeed do. this sounds..................promising.

So... asking the girl for her number, at that time, when she had given me a hug, and mentioned she'd be back, etc... would not have been a social faux pas? I never know when is/isn't the right time to ask. (Or if there is any "right time.")

Well i certainly don't think so. Not an expert on social faux-pas, but
you gotten a hug, she mentioned she wanted to see you again.
That's two positive indicators (big ones too), you're 'default' mode here should be to get her number (at least).

I think most guys ( NTs), will go for getting the number or next date with far less positive indicators.
This is why a lot of women dont understand why hasn't he called yet, or if he asked for my number why does he not call?
If the guy is unsure, then it's logical to at least go for the number, then have a think about it, keeping your options open.
Also why women give out phoney numbers.

I don't know the right time either; it's a high quality problem to have.
But a hug is enough to say, "Hey what are you doing on xxxx", or have you been to such a place, seen such a movie, etc.
No faux-pas.

I went back tonight to the club... and apologized to Beth, if I had put her in an awkward position. She said no problem, she was glad to help me out.

But she also said she watched the girl after I had called her, and warned me that she was a barfly. So her coming on to me may not have been because she was particularly attracted to me, I might have just been the most available-looking male in the place.

Beth's half my age, but far more worldly, and I trust her judgment. And I know she has my best interests at heart. So I'll take that into consideration - especially since my own judgment on such things usually royally sucks.

So now you have more info about this person - she's a barfly. Probably attention-seeking. If you want, you can give her attention and get something that you want