Just Got Dumped

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Welps, I just got dumped after a year and a half relationship with a wonderful person who had the same interests as myself. It really sucks because her reasons for not being happy and wanting to break up is because she said she is always worried if I am having fun. Now, I tell her I am having fun whenever we do something, I tell her I love her, and our relationship was honestly pretty awesome. Granted, I have been told this before in a 7 year end of a relationship that I show a low range of emotions and they always worried if I was happy too. Granted, I'm autistic, there isn't much more I can do about that. Still sucks though, sucks a lot.

Sorry, buddy. I know it sucks a lot.

I find that a rather ridiculous reason to break it off with somebody----because she was concerned whether you were having "fun" or not. I find that sort of a copout.

It's possible that it is "her," rather than "you."

Since you were able to have a relatively long-term relationship with this person, this bodes well for your ability to find someone else who is more suitable for you, and who understands better the Aspie way of having fun (which just might not be the same as the "neurotypical" way of having fun).

Most people, for example, don't understand why watching a YouTube video of a big rig truck rolling down a highway is fun. Or why watching old baseball games is fun.

Thanks, but she was pretty darn close to understanding. Her brother she grew up with is autistic. I think it might have been for different reasons too but I don't know what they are so *shrug*.

What is this person's views on autism? Just because she grew up with an autistic brother---doesn't mean she has a full understanding. Or maybe she does.

I find many people's views on what is "autistic" to be along the lines of the old conception of autism as being a severe disorder which renders a person severely lacking in speech and in the social aspects of things.

By the way, I'm not really a "political" autistic person.

I know what you mean, though. I had a "soulmate" once. Unfortunately, we couldn't make it past the second year before she decided that some drug addict was more her speed.

I told her going in I was diagnosed with autism. She was OK with it. That stinks about your X. This girl I dated was a great girl with a well paying nurses job. At the start she wasn't OK with the fact that I was retired from the federal government at such an early age. She didn't say anything about that when we broke up but I have a feeling her family (they always brought up working) and her friends didn't like it and that might have put pressure on her from them. Not sure though, all I know is she said the thing about her always being worried if I was happy or not when we did stuff and that it brought her down.

That's actually pretty nifty. You're getting a pension from the Federal Government! That's cool. Makes me think you're some kind of genius Did you do computer work with them?

If I were your girlfriend's father, I wouldn't look askance at you. Because you are earning your own way, and not sponging off anybody else.

My wife is also a nurse---but an LPN, not an RN. That distinction doesn't mean much in nursing homes, though.

I'm going to get a pension from the NYC Pension System---but not until I'm 62, when I retire from my present job.

Do you have any "special interests?"

Haha, I did score in the top 1% in the world in two specific areas when my IQ was tested while I was seeing someone who specialized in adult autism. I don't really talk about it in real life though, (my parents know and I know) because people assume that if you have an insanely high IQ then you are successful (which I am not, really). No, I just worked for the VA in the medical field but was darn good at my job. I didn't do computer work but I do know how to program in a few languages that I learned on my own when I was younger and into adulthood. Grats on your pension. They are a life saver imo if something goes wrong on the road to retirement.

For special interests? Ummmm, I constantly read and learn new things about space and science. That's probably it though.

I'm curious as to your impression of Nebraska.

Do you find Nebraska west of Grand Island boring----or do you find the vast sky of the Plains fascinating? I've always wanted to see a Plains sunset.

I live in Queens, New York City.

I used to be greatly interested in paleoanthropology---especially the transition from Neanderthal Man to "Modern" man. I'm not one of those who believes that Neanderthals had the "autistic" gene, though.

How do you feel about the fact that Pluto is not a planet any more? I find that irritating.

I don't mind Nebraska. I live west of Grand Island, very west. It reminds me of Maine in a lot of ways that there isn't much to do really but I personally like to stay inside a lot. I do miss the mountains and rivers of Maine though. I might move back in a few months. The great part about Nebraska though is that everything is so DARN CHEAP! I hardly have to pay anything for rent, food, and utilities. That will change if I move back to Maine though.

I'm ok with Pluto not being a planet anymore. There are moons that are bigger then Pluto and there are objects we call "Dwarf planets" that have been discovered as big or bigger then Pluto in our solar system. I mean when it was first announced I didn't like it but I'm fine with it now.

Are you so far west that you're almost in Wyoming?

There are some interesting rock formations in the Scottsbluff area.

I'd like to drive down I-80 sometime.

Truthfully, I tend to like highways which have variation elevations for views, rather than one flat view. But I still would like to see a Plains sunset.

I think you're going to be okay. It's possible she might change her mind.

I'm closer to Kansas and Colorado.

What made you move from Maine to Nebraska?

You're actually in a place which has relatively mild daytime winter temperatures (though the nights are quite cold on average).

I'm sure you've been to Denver--about maybe a 2-3 hour drive from where you are. Maybe you could meet a nice girl there.

You'll be all right, buddy. Just hang in there.

Maybe the way she phrased it was, but I don't think the underlying sentiments were. Most NTs rely strongly on non-verbal cues and so a person's non-verbal expressions will often take president over their words. His former girlfriend probably had a difficult time accepting his words at face value because the part of her brain that interprets non-verbal body language was telling her otherwise, and in most instances, it would be correct.

I think its better than being in a 5 yr long marriage and breaking up because one of them was never interested in partnership.

If her brother is on the spectrum, I very much doubt she is NT, so I think we can exclude the possibility that it was because of NT-style nonverbal communication. I think pressure from parents about not working is a more likely reason. Besides, both being neurodiverse is not a guarantee of a successful relationship, especially not if people meet by dating.

Your gut feelings are often right; trust them.

Yes, this is a very typical and common reason actually of breakups.