how to use dating sites?

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this may be a dumb question but what is the best way to use dating sites?

do you wait?

or send private messages?

use telepathy?

any experience appreciated, be good to hear from varying perspectives.

Don't use them.

Very useful advice...

I don't know.
I don't use them.
I guess you just wait and see what happens.

I prefer to find a relationship IRL instead of the Internet because no matter what the person of interest describes about his/her life, you don't really know the person in a personal matter. The same goes for your profile. The person of interest wouldn't really know who you are in a personal matter either.

It's the other way rpound with some people though. People who know me on the internet, in many ways, know me better than people who know me in real life. No one apart from my family really knows me IRL and I find it difficult to allow people to get to know me if I meet them in person. Meeting someone online gives you more time to really get to know their personality, withpout all the anxiety and BS of going out to places with them.

Dating sites = Double waste (money and time)

great thanks

Actually I want to do both. I wouldn't have made friends had it not been for the internet.

Yeah. I don't feel that I could fall for someone
based upon their writing alone. Though, I was
shocked to find I had done just that. But, there's
still this undefinable something which needs to
be sensed in a person, to fully understand them.

I WILL mention this: Dating websites are MUCH better than mail-order brides. I also admit that WP was the place where I actually made friends that I couldn't find IRL.

obviously I will need to meet up with them. I don't even get the base connection some people get online. That doesn't mean it hasn't been useful for meets.

Right has anyone got any advice? That is people who have used them.

Personal experience? Care to share?

No. I've never had any experiences, but I know that after a while, a mail-order bride probably wouldn't work out too well. You would never really know who you would really get. I remember the movie "Dodgeball" and one guy had a mail-order bride that was a bit mean. At least with the Internet, you have SOME kind of information about the person. However, the Internet doesn't reveal everything about a person. This may become confusing, so I don't really want to hear any further questions about my opinions, please.

hmm...probably shouldn't state what you are unwilling
to defend OR explore. Sounds like you hold them as
matters of faith.

Tell me about it.

They should stress the difference between mail and male in Russian English classes.

whoops!

You have to be yourself. Whatever that means to you. That is the number one thing.

I don't know if you are conscious of your own thought processes, I am. Except during meltdowns.

You can show a bit of yourself or your interests via the Avatar. Right? People who like that sort of thing will ask about it. Or people that are curious. Same with the screen name.

We had a nice conversation about your avatar, the Lesser Jerboa. You can do the same with other people who have an avatar that you find interesting. Ask about it. They picked out. What is it? What does it mean to them?

I love love love the colors in Yoshie's avatar. I love birds, so Calandale is seen as favorable, just from the avatar. GoonSquad's name is an Elvis Costello song, and I like Elvis Costello. I have seen that picture somewhere, but it was on a site that I didn't like. So I have a slight negative view of that picture, due to the association. This is all conscious thought.

Keeping those things on a conscious level allows me to see when I am giving someone an advantage or disadvantage they shouldn't have. It's like the Halo Effect. I have to figure out why I am doing that, and be sure I am not blinded to what they are really saying.

I know that folks here say they have a hard time socially. I know I say that too. When I think about social things, I start to stress about it. I get anxious. I don't know what I am supposed to do.

BUT, when I simply am myself, I do okay. As does EVERYONE ELSE HERE. All the people that I've read here, all the posts, I wouldn't say anyone has a social problem. People are having discussions. People are talking about experiences. Hopes, dreams, jobs, life, the weather, funny things, posting pictures. It's all the same stuff that goes on in NT world, on other sites, in daily life.

Your avatar and name can say a lot about you. So can theirs. I figure one just talks about whatever interests them, until one reaches a deal-breaker. Something that you feel opposite about. Something you cannot be around. And that might be in the first conversation or 15 years later.

I love cats. I will probably always have cats. If someone was allergic to cats, that's a deal-breaker. As far as a personal, in-depth relationship goes, but it would be fine for a friendship online. I don't have to worry about them sneezing or being miserable online, because I have a cat in my lap right now.

You did GREAT on yesterday's conversation between you and I. It was fun. It was thoughtful. It had flow. It had exchange. I think that's the way it's supposed to be. I didn't feel like I had to say anything, I said things that I wanted to say. I didn't feel self-conscious at all. I didn't feel like I was stumbling along.

You can review that conversation and think about it's components, on a conscious level. You can tell me if those were the things you felt too. Or if there was a point that you were uncomfortable. Again, thinking about it consciously now, it will help you in the future. It will help me too.

We don't often get genuine feedback on our conversations. Perhaps we need that in order to become better conversationalists.