Picking up strangers is impossible.

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Common scenario for me:

I'm at a party or nightclub.
I see a girl I'm attracted to.
I attempt some communication.
If an initial introduction gets a response, I feel somewhat successful *
I attempt small talk/conversation.
All of a sudden the words stop between us.
Awkward silence. I'm thinking of what I should say or do (probably just grab them and ask for a kiss, this seems to work for my friends.)
It's like I open a window, but just can't get the timing right to jump out and land on the mark, meanwhile the building has long since burnt down.

*I believe it is this point that I feel the pressure ease off, but I should still be trying my best to get a reaction.

What is this reaction? When do I know I have successfully got their amorous attention? I think I'm missing all the cues. I can get smiles, but they always end up walking.

Not if they're hitchhikers!

Seriously, though. You'll get better at it, just try to look at yourself from an outside perspective and then watch other people who are successful at this. Compare the two and you find your problems.

Doesn't seem to help me. I just choke up. I KNOW what to say
and do - no problem if it's someone I'm not interested in. I proved
that again recently. Even if they approach though, I come up with
just about nothing.

I am like that too cale in that if I have no interest in someone I have a much easier time talking to them.

And yeah picking up strangers is hard, especialy if they weigh more than 120 pounds or so, and they usualy struggle which doesn't help either.

Seriously though, I can relate to what you are saying vodzy.

It's not just strangers though.
So, it may be a different issue
entirely.

vodzy, you seem to manage to get
a lot further along than I do.

Cale, if they're not a stranger I feel more at ease with the person, but only if they are a friend. That is, once I see them as a potential mate, I'm socially ret*d once again.

What you say about me being successful, I guess I would say I have confidence in myself. People often think I'm shy, but I'm just trying to work out what to say!

All the self esteem in the world doesn't help if you still miss that "window of opportunity".

Yeah, I know what you are talking about. At work there is this NICE girl, she he is so cute, and she is always smiling, so, when I'm in good shape, I try to have conversation with her, trying to be as cool as I can. Sometimes it works...but for no longer than 30-40 seconds, few minutes tops, and then....nothing, I just don't know what to say and embarassment covers the two of us. The problem is that, even when I have a good social behavior, it always feels like an act, something that I fake.

Last edited by SocialParadox on 28 May 2007, 11:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

So many times, self doubt has prevented me from seeing,
or acting on the signs. Sometimes masked by some stupid
morality.

Social Paradox, Cale, I am going to be a hypocrite and say "just go for it! what have you got to lose???"

When I try the direct approach, which I find extremely hard to do, I'm surprised that it actually works! Sure, it doesn't always work, but it seems to me the only one which does.

hehe, social paradox indeed

No question. IF I could, I would. It ain't that simple.
And the few times that I've steeled myself to do
so, it's come off pretty badly. Still, I have every
intention of continuing to to try, at least with my
current little obsession. But, I've been much more
successful with them making ALL the moves.

Don't take it personal

As a girl you get used to being hit on by every creep imaginal since you were like 14..
it's not that strange that we're sceptical..
right now, i'd only let a stranger pick me up under exeptional circumstances. cus that's what they are; strangers, and usually they're straight out insane, desperate, or some other nasty adjectif.

I had a friend who used to walk up and
down a bar, hitting on every female there.
It was completely pathetic. Trust me, that's
never the issue here. I'm talking about
women who've given me quite a few signs.

Indeed, in one case, a woman saw me outside
after dancing, and we went through what looked
like a scene from a movie; I don't remember what
she said, but a buddy of mine looked at me afterwards,
and said that it was totally surreal. At another event,
where she was sure to find me, she grabbed me on my
way through the crowd, and pushed me to the floor, to
ehm...her crotch - THAT probably would have led somewhere,
but for my need to dance. Pity, she was a pretty thing. She's gotten
attached to a member of a band that I enjoy since, so nothing's gone
anywhere. But, I'm pretty sure that she's convinced that I'm just gay.

and here i have a perfect reason not to try at all...

and vodzy, you definitely seem to be able to get a lot farther than most of us i guess...

Ok, Yasmine, I see where you're coming from, I often get shut down straight away. I'm trying to be positive and not dwell on these instances. I'm talking about the times everything is going well, they seem to be enjoying the interaction, then ... nothing. The connection evaporates.

I too am usually only successful when the female makes all the moves. I once found myself with a girl who called herself Emma 'Confident' lol.

Please, don't see me as any measure of success. Every rung of the ladder you climb means it's gonna hurt more WHEN you fall off

This is a really common situation for me too. I could really use some help here.
At some point, my mind goes blank, and panic sets in.
Lately, I've stopped trying, because I noticed that I get really angry with myself afterwards, when I'm
unable to handle these situations.

Oh, and then there was this episode last year. Saturday night, slightly drunk -> more social. I start talking to this girl from Czech Republic. She is just fine, nor beautiful nor ugly. Ok, the point is: she likes me, I should just ask her to go out of the pub....but for some strange reason I just start talking to another girl (not interested eventually) and completely lose interest in her. Later a friend of mine told me she was disappointed and couldn't understand why I suddenly stopped talking to her. And of course at the end of the story I come back home alone. Crazy eh ?