Online Meet-up: Person Seems Different, Little By Little

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Hey,

I'm still pretty new to this site, and only posted a "Hi" message when I joined. However, now I would greatly appreciate any help/advice.

I'm a 22-year-old guy with mild Asperger's. Naturally, I don't need to explain how incredibly shy and socially uncomfortable I often feel around people I don't know, and new social situations. Recently I decided to join a dating site out of curiosity, just to see if there was anybody out there who shared my interests, etc. I talked to a few guys (I maybe should point out that I'm gay), but nothing but chatting came of it. However, I received a message from a guy (I'll call him "Nathan"), saying simply, "Hi. How are you?". I viewed his profile, and it was pretty basic, but basically said "quiet, shy guy. Loves evenings in and the quiet life". His profile photo showed him to be of average height, average build, short/flat hair, and glasses, in the outdoors wearing a simple jumper, and looking away from the camera. I immediately thought he appeared shy, and decided to reply to his message. At first he gave off the impression of a very mild-mannered, soft spoken, "regular" guy, and we appeared to get along okay. (We liked the same films, etc.) After almost two weeks he asked if I'd like to meet up with him. Now, I've never been on a "date", nor met up with anybody online before. However, since I'm really trying to push myself, I somehow managed to get the nerve to agree to a meet up. He lives about a 50 minute drive from me, but works in the town I live in. Therefore, he offered to drive to said town, and we agreed to meet near a local park attraction (always people around, so it was a safe choice). I set out on a 10 minute walk from home to said park, and was extremely nervous all the while. I arrived at the park and at first thought he hadn't turned up. Then, what I initially thought to be a middle aged woman approach me, turned out to be him. Evidently his profile photo hadn't been taken recently, as he was of average build in that. Upon seeing him in person, however, he was at least 5 stone heavier, with his hair significantly longer. I'm in no way shallow, so his weight and hair was absolutely no problem to me. We nervously said "Hello", and then walked the park for about 40 minutes whilst talking. I quickly realised that he wasn't the guy I envisioned through online chatting. In person, he was very loudly spoken, and without sounding in any way prejudiced against fellow LGBT folks, he was also very "feminine", which isn't really a turn on for me. I love sensitive guys, but when they're "too feminine", I can't help but feel a little "awkward/uncomfortable". Again, though. I want to point out that I hold zero prejudice against guys such as that. I just have different preferences. Anyway, we then sat on a bench, and I couldn't help but notice that maybe his personal hygiene wasn't a priority. Now, like I said, weight and hair styles don't concern me. However, as someone who also has OCD, hygiene has always been a (sometimes unwanted) top concern for me. It appeared that "Nathan" hadn't washed his face that morning, as there was what I can only describe as "dry/crusty milk" around his mouth. I tried not to let it bother me, though. We then shook hands, and he suggested it would be nice to "do this again". However, that night, I had a think, and come to the conclusion that I couldn't see myself dating or being in a relationship with him. I checked that night and realised he'd messaged 10 minutes after our meet-up saying how great it was, and how we should do it again. I replied and thanked him for a nice time, and then we proceeded to chat random stuff. It's now nearly a week after our meet-up, and things have become a little concerning. He recently confessed he thinks he's "maybe autistic" (naturally, no problem to me), but that he also has "mental health issues" (also no real concern, but he wasn't saying specifically what issue). Now, as stated, he won't say specifically, but I can't help but feel he may be schizophrenic, as he says "there's definitely two sides to me". And just lately his messages have become somewhat paranoid-like. Using capitals to stress stuff, many spelling mistakes, which, compared to his meticulous first responses, differ much so. After just two weeks and one meet-up, he already "misses me" and "can't wait to see me". I've found myself become slightly disturbed, but don't know how to let him down gently. And what with his recent messages, I feel he'd respond with anger/annoyance. I don't like ignoring people, but I'm afraid of what his response would be should I tell him. I'd be most grateful for any help or advice you guys have to offer. Many thanks in advance.

Owen.

You sound like a decent person. Don't feel guilty.

Block. Seriously, the guy sounds like a nut-job-in-waiting.

Hopefully you followed all the usual safety precautions and didn't give out personal details and address etc.

Block. Forget. Move onto the next one.

Hi,

Many thanks for your response and kind words.

I do often feel guilty, even over the most trivial of things. However, like I said, I cannot at all see myself dating/being in a relationship with him. Therefore, I could attempt to tell him so, or, as you suggest, I think it best then to simply block him.

I do greatly appreciate your honest advice. I did at first think if it was just me not giving him a chance, and his problems were perhaps getting in the way of daily routines, which I could understand. However, things did turn a little sour rather abruptly.

And thank you for your concern. However, I've always been very cautious, so didn't give out personal details, addresses, or even phone numbers. Like I said, he does work in the town I live in, which does concern me slightly. He did, however, tell me where he worked, and as it's a place I have no need to visit, I'm hoping I don't run into him.

Thanks again.

Owen.

The fact that he put up an old picture of himself shows me someone that is less than honest. There's no excuse for it.
If nothing else it shows that guile isn't something he would be averse to using.

He sounds the type that starts off really well but once he's got his claws into you, he will use every manipulative trick in the book. Avoid. If you really must then a quick one line that says something along the lines of, great to meet you but you don't feel it's what you're looking for. Then block. Or, if this were me, I'd just block.

Giving someone/anyone a chance is admirable but, there should be lines that should not be crossed too.

Hope you have better luck on the next one

Regarding the profile picture, I did at first assume he chose an older photo because maybe he was embarrassed about his weight, which I could understand. I'm guessing the photo is at least two years old, as he looked almost unrecognisable in person.

Now that he's revealed more of his "negative" side, it wouldn't actually surprise me if he was adept with using manipulation. I've given the situation a final think over, and have decided to simply block him, despite how guilty it makes me feel. I just wanted somebody else's opinion on the subject, as I'm not too good with decisions such as these.

I will/would give anybody a chance, but this guy seemed to change like the flick of a light switch.

And thanks! I hope I do a little better on the next one, too!

Owen.

Hey buddy.

If he's not what it says on the tin then approach with caution if at all.
Introverts even if they have gained some confidence will always show some traits that they are in actuality shy or not always openly expressive of who they are.

Now, couple his personality mismatch with the old photos and you've got yourself some red flags.
Find another guy. I'm sure you will easy enough.

On behalf of people named Nathan everywhere I apologise profusely. He does not speak for me!

Hi,

Thanks for the cautionary advice.

Like I said above, in person, his personality was rather bizarrely different than what it appeared to be online. I would under other circumstances feel disappointed in myself for believing his "lies". However, little by little, I did hear little alarm bells begin to sound. Hence, why I asked advice on here.

And thanks for the encouragement! Much appreciated.

P.S: My apologies for selecting the name "Nathan". It was the first that immediately presented itself in my mind. Now, don't go putting me on a guilt complex for it!

Owen.

Don't feel guilty for doing the sensible thing, Owen.
The internet draws the whackos but, this doesn't mean one need entertain em.

Block. It's safer and forestalls any dodgy, "can we still be friends" tactics. Something I wouldn't put past this individual.

Again, thanks to you both.

I have since blocked him, so there shouldn't be any issues.

I'm glad there was no emotional involvement on my part, and it was more a case of "enthusiastic excitement". I've only been in love once before, in my last year of school. However, unfortunately, it was unrequited love, as the guy knew nothing about it. That, on the other hand, did cause me significant emotional pain.

Sorry to get soppy there

Owen.

Oh god, mate, block and delete him. I know it’s hurtful when you’re not what someone is expecting, but going off at you and typing in caps, stay away. Politely tell him you aren’t interested in him that way and if he can’t handle it, block him.

hale_bopp should be awarded for the best Necromancer of the year.