A wild journey (thoughts + advice welcome)

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I needed to get this out somewhere, so I could share this experience in the hopes of maybe gaining some clarity and, well, I just wanted to share it- because it's been interesting thus far.

Six months ago, I met up with a guy (who I had connected with on social media as I was very taken by his music) we had not conversed much prior to meeting up, and he seemed very closed off and mysterious judging by his social media. I had no idea what to expect and I was really nervous, especially as I don't often meet new people alone. It turned out he didnt either and was just as (if not more) nervous than me. It took a while for him to relax and start speaking but eventually he did and we spent the night bouncing off each other in a way i've never experienced when meeting other people for the first time. The night was going really well, up until I blacked out from drinking too much and lost all memory past a certain point..

After this, I began piecing up my blackout and realised that he had ended up sleeping in my bed next to me and had left before I'd woken up properly. Which i was hugely confused by bedcause he didn't flirt nor display any signs of being attracted to me at any point, nor let anyone come back to my place usually. I ended up asking him what had happened and apologised for getting so drunk, he told me he didn't remember either and reassured me, and said he was very drunk too.

I hated not knowing what had happened and was filled with dread of what could have, but knew for a fact we hadn't slept with each other. Afterwards, he was very short in his messages and it threw me because of how we had clicked prior the mess of us both drinking too much.

A few weeks passed and I had barely had any contact with him yet for a strange reason I couldn't stop thinking about him and this meeting that was so indescribable.
The night I realised he was aspie, I was out at a party outside of town at 2am and I barely knew anyone there so of course I rang him and invited him to it. he seemed a little put on the spot but instantly agreed and came with one of his friends. He spent the night acting very differently to how he did when it we were alone. He barely spoke to me even though he made a point to stay around me the whole time, he didn't initiate conversation with me unless I made a point of speaking directly to him. He seemed to find it easier to talk to my female best friend though and me being awkward around guys I like, and hopeless at interpreting signs from NTs let alone aspie guys, I assumed he disliked me and froze up too. However he refused to leave my house (wed left the party with both of our friends after 20 mins) til about 9am even though his housemate was prompting him to leave.

More weeks passed and I just couldn't fathom why he wouldn't speak to me, all of his behaviour was telling me that he disliked me, primarily the avoidance of replying to my messages. So I left it. After the night I drunk rang him and surprisingly he answered, and we spoke on the phone for nearly an hour (I can't remember what about but he was sober) then it was back to no contact. A month or so later, I went to an event he was performing at and when he saw me there he looked as if he'd seen 80 ghosts and exclaimed "what the hell are you doing here?!" Before disappearing from the area completely. That hurt, and definitely wasn't the reaction I was expecting or hoping for!

Nethertheless, I went to see him perform at his first show of two years shortly after this incident. He seemed stressed and off but stupidly I tried to stop him afterwards and he gave me an indescribable look, snapped at me and walked away. I was just confused and hurt at this point so after an hour, I decided to head home and as I was leaving, he appeared behind me offering me a drink as if nothing had happened. I ended up spending until 5am walking around with him and his friends, he kept trying to invite him and his friends back to wherever I was going but I kept saying no. He kept his distance again but made a point of staying around me for the duration, and occasionally would sit next to me and gave me a bracelet(?) at one point. I felt uncomfortable around him that night after all of this erratic behaviour so I ended up leaving in the early hours and again there was no contact afterwards. I was so shocked and confused by it all, I didn't bother.

However, a couple of months later he posted a long, honest paragraph about his struggles with mental health on all his social media so I sent him a message saying that I can relate and if he needs someone to talk to I am there. I didn't expect a reply, however he did, and in it he apologised to me saying he's sorry he's bad at talking online and talking in general.. I told him not to worry and that the offer is there if he wants. A few days later, a few days before a performance he was doing he drunkenly messaged me and asked if I could come and take pictures of him and his band beforehand and also asked if I was going to watch him perform/ take pictures.

That was the first time he'd ever reached out to me or started a conversation so of course I agreed and said I'd love to. The day came and he essentially chickened out, but I'd planned on that and reassured him that it's fine and I'd see him later at the show.

Now here is where it gets weird! Before the show I had this overpowering feeling telling me to stay in the busy entrance and let my friends go into the performance room without me. Lo and behold not too long after my friends had left me, he appears out of nowhere and comes up to me looking panicked, asking for me to help him get on stage. It was very busy, so I took his hand and shoved him past people to help him get to the stage. After the show, I went back to his house with his band mates and ended up spending around 20 hours there.

During those 20 hours, it felt as if I was somehow connected to him. I felt what he was feeling and I sort of knew what he was thinking too? I've never experienced this before, but we were communicating without speaking at times. (Has anyone else experienced this???) He also finally admitted (not directly to me but while he was sat next to me) that he has aspergers. However during this night, I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster, I was happy to be there but his mood was going up and down for some reason, which in turn made mine do the same. He opened up about how he'd been struggling with his mental health and was in a bad place, and it got a bit much which caused him to shut down and stop looking at/ talking to me for a while. I was confused and upset the majority of the night because I couldn't figure out what to do or say to make it better.


That night he showed his vulnerability and he seemed like a child, after hours of emotional turmoil we both fell asleep on the sofa (he was sitting upright lol) But the next day, I think I realised what the problem was and has been this whole time. turns out he has had a long term girlfriend, I'm unsure if they've split, but they share a room in the house (he brought me to?) and he's very avoidant in nature so never mentioned her or his relationship to me once (unsure why?)
She entered the room we were in the next day and he ran out.. very awkward and confusing. He previously kept telling me about how he can't wait to move out and how he hates his house though, so I sensed his living situation was causing him distress. So that's what's happened thus far. I don't understand what exactly my role in his life is seeing as he doesn't seem to want to be friends with me and has a girlfriend. I can't fathom his behaviour, he isn't going to be straight with me and I don't know if or when I'll see him again now and I don't know what to do, if anything. I've never been involved with another aspie boy and it's made me feel like I'm losing the plot.. Sorry for the LONG ass post! I take my hat off to anyone that's made it this far