My boyfriend is so lazy

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I love my boyfriend and everything, but I've found he is very lazy. We are engaged but not living together yet, but I go to see him twice a week (as I'm working the rest of the week).

To be fair he does work long hours, but he usually has 2 or 3 days off a week, and he doesn't do anything useful around the flat when he's off. He's got rather addicted to this game on his phone and he could sit there for hours playing on it. He sometimes even neglacts his hygiene, due to laziness and addiction to this game.
I try to lightly tell him to go and wash and shave, and go out somewhere together, but he still puts it off, and makes some excuse like "I'm too tired to go out today". While he can sit for hours playing his game or watching films on TV, I get so restless, but he still doesn't move a muscle.
He used to take me out and do things a lot, but lately he's become so lazy. He's even too lazy to have sex, and he falls asleep so quickly.

He admits that he's lazy but he doesn't seem to do anything about it. If I sat around his flat all day not doing anything while he was at work, he would tell me off.

Without advising me to leave him, what can I do to make him more proactive and motivated to do things without coming across as nagging?

I'm no relationship expert as I'm divorced and nothing has lasted! So clearly I manage relationships all wrong, lol. But I guess one thing I do know is that it's very dangerous territory to try to make someone change themselves in what they do with their time. It's hard not to make that be nagging instead of helpfulness.

Relationships go in stages. You say your boyfriend used to take you places and now doesn't want to go anywhere -- some of that is natural and kind of happens in all relationship to one extent or another. It's a kind of comfortable stage that couples reach where they are not really "courting" each other anymore, not trying to impress with surprise adventures or destinations or special dates out. There's a time when things do settle into just hanging out at home -- it's also cheaper than going places a lot. So it may be from this benign type of reason.

Also, being tired from work can indeed be a factor.

And there can also be depression as a reason -- if someone is beginning to suffer from even low-grade mild depression for any reason, they will have less motivation to do things or go places, and may well become overly engaged in video games or some other passive distraction. Work fatigue and depression also affect sex drive.

I can't give any advice on how to approach your boyfriend about any of this, except to say these can be factors behind a change in a partner's level of activity with you.

And also to say be careful in what you do or say about it -- probably this stuff does need to be addressed somehow, as it's particularly concerning that he seems to have become addicted to this video game on his phone. Addiction is when someone would rather do that than other things, and that thing starts to get in the way of other things.

But you need to be careful; it's very easy to be seen as nagging instead of being a caring partner merely expressing concern.

Tell him that you will drive the car.

It could be that he hates driving.

Is he ok healthwise? I used to be quite a busy person, but over the past six months my health has really gone down hill and with having a stressful job and a long commute I am too exhausted to do much of anything at the moment. I've also been depressed and not wanting to do anything.

He used to be depressed and lonely before I met him (you can tell by the way his flat looks inside), so I feel like I've made him feel worthy again. Also he is affectionate and loving.

But I've also found that when he has a pain or discomfort, he withdrawals and takes it out on me a little bit. He yells that he works too hard, which I do understand, but he used to work 7 days a week sometimes, and now he's cut down to 4 days a week, so I'd thought he'd feel more free and less stressed now that he has some days to himself.

When I get a pain or discomfort, I try not to yell at others. Instead I just carry on. I get headaches, drowsiness, depression, periods, and lots of other things, but I still try to be placid. I often have a hard, stressful day at work, and I come home with a splitting headache and ready for my bed, but I still don't yell at my family. But when my boyfriend comes in from work, he's all stressy and I like to stay in the bath to keep out of his way. When people are stressy and bad-tempered, it has an affect on me, and it makes me nervous. And the more I try not to say or do anything annoying, the more I will. So I try to keep out of the way.
He's not frightening or violent or anything. He's just impatient and a bit grouchy, which I can't always cope with. When he's grouchy he will see fault in everything, like the way I have stacked the dishes on the draining-board, even though this doesn't usually bother him.

The thing is, he doesn't sit and talk about his problems. He'd just act grumpy and snappy. When I have a problem, I sit and talk about it so that he understands. I'd rather someone verbally talking about things than just biting my head off. When I do ask if he's feeling all right and ask if he wants to talk about it, he'll just yell "yes, I work 12 hours a shift, Jo, I am tired". The WAY he says it is what upsets me. And when people say my name in a raised voiced sentence, I know that means they are having a go at me. Sometimes his problem isn't always working long hours, it's something else like a pain in his tooth of something, but he won't just say that.

I just get sensitive to his bad mood.

Is he a nurse?

You should be the one who drives then when you out togother to places; the last thing he would wish to do in his free time is more driving.

Did you ever take this into consideration?

Men aren't usually great communicators of feelings.
Expressing pain and emotion is often considered a sign of weakness.
That may be why he's snapping at you when you ask if he's ok.
He's not ok, but he doesn't want to talk about it and appear weak.
Snapping at you shuts you up.
Picking at you makes him feel a little more in control.

He sounds depressed to me.
No energy, withdrawal, mood changes.

Is there anything he's particularly interested in outside of phone games that you could help him to get involved in?

I really think that the expectation of him to do more driving is the problem.
And I assume he is the one who drives when you go out togother, like the case of mosts couples.

Imagine you are driving for straight 12 hours, would ANYONE really still have the energy to drive MORE for outing?

And sitting for too long hours causes ED too.

It is ok if you would look a "weird" couple, no one would give a damn; but be the one who's driving for outings. Please?

I have the feeling Joe doesn't have a driver's licence.

Actually, no I don't have a driver's license before everyone assumes.

He's told me several times that he LIKES driving, hence his career.

My dad's job involves a lot of gardening, but he still doesn't mind doing gardening in his own gardening on his days off. I'm a cleaner but I sure do cleaning on my days off!

Well, at least I learnt from this thread that it is not him who's the problem, it's me. I will just avoid all communication, if that is the solution.