How do you do it?

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Posting this here rather than in friendship,because I have always come to this forum with my questions about my friendship with an Aspie man. I guess in the beginning there was some confusion on both sides about feelings for each other but it settled into a close platonic friendship. You may recall that we have been friends for 2yrs, and during that time my friend had always text me good night. We had variable amounts of other contact on a day to day basis but that was one stable factor. Then we had a huge row where my friend completely blew up at me unexpectedly . . .via text. We didn't speak for 3 weeks and then I saw him at a gig and went and spoke to him and we seemed to be ok. It took another week or fortnight when he suddenly seemed to feel sorry for our row. He was very caring and loving and showered me with gifts which I am certain is his way of showing that he was sorry. He won't talk about it tho so difficult to completely feel like I have resolved things. I tried to one evening when we went for a walk, but when I got upset he just took himself off and sat on a wall looking v despondent . . . .so I didn't push it, his actions were telling me he really cared. He had taken me out for a meal for my birthday.

Anyway a few days after this it all went quiet again, without that regular contact I can often go 2 weeks without hearing from him at all. This last time was only because he had asked if I would do something for a charity he is involved with that I contacted him to arrange drop off. If I contact him he will always answer but I don't intend it to be a one sided friendship.
So my question is how do you guys maintain a friendship if you not feel the need to talk or contact someone for weeks at a time? I feel like he thinks I will just always be there when he wants to see me, but now things are much less regular with us I am making a lot of plans with other friends . . . . I worry this friendship will just drop off the edge.
I have worked hard to maintain this and I do it because I really like this guy. I enjoy him being in my life and he makes me smile. However I will not chase him to maintain a friendship. When I asked him did he want to continue with our days out he said "of course you're talking silly talk" he just doesn't understand how much his shifting parameters confuse me. And of course he runs a mile if I try and discuss anything bordering on the dreaded "emotions". . . . . So is this friendship doomed?? Thanks for your help . . .again

It's not "doomed" if you are able to understand the guy, and he's able to understand you.

He has his limits; and I am sure you have yours.

It's a matter of compromise, I'd say.

It's such a classic battle----between a woman who wants "more" out of a guy, and a guy who is ambivalent about being "chased" (he likes it, but he coils from it, nevertheless).

It's not a matter of being chased tho. We have been friends for 2yrs. Now suddenly it has changed drastically . . .im certainly not going to chase him. I'm just wondering how you manage to maintain close friendships when this happens? I guess I will just leave him to decide if he wants me in his life or not and get on with my own life. However it seems like he picks me up every now and again and then disappears. As is said just a huge change from our previous daily contact. Part of me thinks I should just walk away. I hate feeling so rejected by someone I considered a special friend.

I would feel the same way.

This has happened to me a number of times, so I know how you're feeling. This sort of thing is usually associated with women. It goes to show that this sort of thing is not gender-specific.

You should tell him that you value him as a friend, and that you've learned lots from him, etc.

I don't think you should break it off. It might not even be "you" which is causing this.

That's good advice. I have done all that. He knows how much I value our friendship. It does feel like something has changed. I did tell him I felt I had lost him as a friend. He replied "nothing is lost I'm still here". Oh well just leave him to get on with it I guess. He is supposed to be taking me out for the day next week. After that I think I will just leave it up to him to make contact. Thank you kraftie

It's just anxiety, things are cool & nobody's running. I sympathize; should I send a text I know AS won't help me write to re-set a ~weekly date for tomorrow or should I withhold my eminently confusing presence & ask her in person?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

When will you see her in person? Otherwise send text . . . .i know I would always prefer to hear than wait. Take care

Well she said it's her off day but I found myself studying & working until my other friends' closed their café shifts so I probably interjected it while she's somewhere with a GF. :p

Now we've forgone our pre-bike ride phone tag & I'm waiting at our cars. Thank you. Not an easy day but it's been a great one & there are 31 minutes left.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Hope the last 31 minutes of your day continued to be good

Yep dialogue will always be open between us such is my affection and loyalty to my friend. I do understand just can't help but get a little hurt when he changes the parameters and forgets to tell me . . . . . I have said to him on several occasions "don't give up on me because I would never give up on you"

Now the sun is shining here and I'm going to take my daft dog for a long walk. Take care

And I wrote my friend a stupid silly poem about all the things I liked about him and our friendship . . .. . Which seemed to go down well . . . ..

Meanwhile over here I'm the daft one in need of more long walks. Yeah, that I could write some goofy poetry on.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos