Are autistics virgins for life??- autistic teen
PossiblyBisexualCanadian
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 17 Jun 2017
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 29
Location: Ontario, Canada
I have been totally freaking out lately. Now that I am finishing my first year of high school, everyone around me is having sex! It happened so quick and I have no idea what to do! I have been doing research on autism and sexual intimacy, and what I have found is not very promising. It seems that all the studies I have found feature either autistic people who stayed virgins until they we're 45, tried sex once and hated it, never did it again, or autistics who just stayed virgins until death to either avoid the nuance of sex or because they dont experience sexual attraction at all. I for sure experience sexual attraction and desires, trust me, I do, its just that I don't feel that I am as sexually mature as the people around me. I think about sex all the time, every day, but could I ever actually handle doing it? I dont know, buddy. I am not saying I want to have sex right now, but will I ever? My social skills are pretty sh***y (duh) and I have problems with intimacy just between family and friends, so it is possible I could never date or have sex if things keep going the way they seem to be going.
Autistics of wrongplanet.net, tell me, how old we're you when you lost your virginity? What did it feel like when you lost it? How did it feel after? How did you know you we're ready for sex? How is sex as an autistic person different than sex as a neurotypical person? Are there really any sex-crazed and sexually active autistic adults there? Just be honest, I need the dirty truth.
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You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same- Kurt Cobain
I'll let you in on something: only a select few people are sexually mature at your age. Chances are they'll know how and where to insert their meat sticks in theory, sure, but whether they know about the subtle practicalities of sex is a different story. If anything, it seems to me as though they don't yet realize that sex is a dialogue, not a monologue, if you know what I'm getting at here.
My advice to you would be to not think about it too much. You'll just drive yourself into a cycle of self-loathing and desperation if you do. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about - I did the exact same thing to myself, and it took me years to get out of it. And even then, it took the help of my mother and best friend. I don't even want to imagine where I'd be now had they not been there for me.
_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain
My advice to you would be to not think about it too much. You'll just drive yourself into a cycle of self-loathing and desperation if you do. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about - I did the exact same thing to myself, and it took me years to get out of it. And even then, it took the help of my mother and best friend. I don't even want to imagine where I'd be now had they not been there for me.
I agree.
To OP: It's good that you don't want to have sex just for the sake of it. You'd regret it later if you did.
How you know when you're ready... in my experience, you don't. I had sex for the first time not long before my 18th birthday. I thought I was mature enough, but I really wasn't. Sex is addictive. It's not that whole mystical world-changing mambo-jumbo experience as people say it, but it sure creates a bond between you and the other person. You have to be emotionally mature to handle it well. I wasn't. I was devastated when she left me, even though she wasn't really my girlfriend per se. It took me years to recover.
All in all, I don't recommend thinking about sex and age too much. Do it when you think you're ready, but wait for someone special, and prepare for what comes next. After all, you're sharing your body (and soul?) with another person. Sex is fun, but it's also powerful, so don't rush it.
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
I was 27 when I lost my virginity. The sex part was great and all but I was far more excited about finally connecting with a woman that seemed to be interested in me and accepted me. You shouldn't get upset about the future as it is rather unpredictable and you are young and have plenty of time. Just make sure you don't do it just because others are doing something, make sure it's right for you when you're ready.
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“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell
Yes, there is. Some autistic / neurodiverse (ND) people are hypersexual. Actually, being hypersexual is more common among NDs than NTs. That could get into a real problem, both for males and females.
I was 18 maybe 17. I honestly do not remember my first time. That is odd to a lot of people. I am pretty sure it was 1 of 2 or 3 times I remember in my mind. I am 100% sure of the person though.
After I felt like sex is really a bigger deal to those who never had it. Sure I enjoyed and wanted to do it again but I feel like virgins hype it a lot.
To the OP I know it feels like everyone is leaving you behind. But take it from an older guy most of those freshman girls you know who are so proud of being the mature girl who has sex will regret their partners now. Espeicly with women there is an emotional part of sex that many will find is wasted on the 14 or 15 year old they were with. Chances are a year from now they will not even be with that person. You are an age where not be rude but as much as you think you are an adult you are still a child. Even 17 two years from now you are going to feel different. Do not be in a rush to have sex.
I went through the same thing. Everyone gets to high school and brags about the sex. By senior year a lot of the girls are saying "I can't believe I had sex with him. He was a waste of the first time".
The best relationships are those that build a foundation before the sex. Sadly some of those girls you look up to now are going to only know how to have sex. They might find they can't do anything else and it's all boys know them for. I am not a religious type who says wait until marriage. So I do think if you meet the right person sure explore sex safely at some point. But any boy worth it will be OK with waiting. Teenage boys in general think with their dick and they will pressure you though.
It might be hard to believe me when I say when I had sex. But I admit at the time I as a horny teenage boy. I too pressured girls. But just be up front with the boy. Maybe you make out or something there is lots between nothing and sex.
PossiblyBisexualCanadian
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 17 Jun 2017
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 29
Location: Ontario, Canada
After I felt like sex is really a bigger deal to those who never had it. Sure I enjoyed and wanted to do it again but I feel like virgins hype it a lot.
To the OP I know it feels like everyone is leaving you behind. But take it from an older guy most of those freshman girls you know who are so proud of being the mature girl who has sex will regret their partners now. Espeicly with women there is an emotional part of sex that many will find is wasted on the 14 or 15 year old they were with. Chances are a year from now they will not even be with that person. You are an age where not be rude but as much as you think you are an adult you are still a child. Even 17 two years from now you are going to feel different. Do not be in a rush to have sex.
I went through the same thing. Everyone gets to high school and brags about the sex. By senior year a lot of the girls are saying "I can't believe I had sex with him. He was a waste of the first time".
The best relationships are those that build a foundation before the sex. Sadly some of those girls you look up to now are going to only know how to have sex. They might find they can't do anything else and it's all boys know them for. I am not a religious type who says wait until marriage. So I do think if you meet the right person sure explore sex safely at some point. But any boy worth it will be OK with waiting. Teenage boys in general think with their dick and they will pressure you though.
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)
It might be hard to believe me when I say when I had sex. But I admit at the time I as a horny teenage boy. I too pressured girls. But just be up front with the boy. Maybe you make out or something there is lots between nothing and sex.
Thanks, I feel that this is the best response I have gotten so far. I already know someone who feels that she regrets having sex at age 15 because she was not emotionally ready yet. I think that on some level all teenagers (regardless of whether they are autistic or not) are not yet emotionally mature enough for sex. Many teenagers are pressured into sex because it seems so cool and grown-up, but there is really no downside to just waiting a few years. I think I will wait until I graduate high school and re-assessing how I feel then. Thank you for sharing.
_________________
You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same- Kurt Cobain
My measuring stick for when I was ready for sex is how silly I thought a rock hard peen looked.
I still think they look silly, but only after the omg I want it in me reaction has passed.
Also my final advice if you think you are ready ... take your own virginity.
Being in total control the first time makes a huge difference.
I just turned 18 on Saturday and still a virgin. And have had a girlfriend before but only saw her in school. And never had sex. And don't want too either. Because I don't want too take a chance of forgetting my condom or it breaking on me and 9 months now has a kid. I don't want or like kids.
No. Autism doesn't confine one to virginity for life.
I was a flaming (read "classic") autistic toddler. I grew into an Aspergian-type person, which I am to this day (even though I don't have Asperger's because of my severe speech delay).
I lost my virginity 17. I had sex (unfortunately) with a man, and (fortunately) with women. I'm a straight man. I'm 56 now. I've been (full monty) with one man, and 30-35 women. I would guesstimate that I've had sex over 1,000 times.
Lost it (I think, there was some confusion that will never be cleared up) at 18, was already involved in a career that greatly helped me to meet young women my age and impress them with a low-grade "celebrity" status, so in my prime I probably did much better in terms of sheer numbers of hookups than the average autistic guy, though I'm not sure that was altogether healthy in terms of learning how to form stable, lasting relationships (but that seems to be the real hurdle for autistic people anyway).
Now that I'm older, and no longer in a profession that facilitates meeting or impressing people, I'm back to the same issues all autistic people have, I rarely go anywhere and because of my isolation, no longer have the practiced social skills to start conversations (not to mention most people my age are either married, or frightfully ugly).
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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks
I've noticed this is a common theme here.
I've never experienced romantic or sexual attraction and use to think it was because I had Aspergers.
I use to think all Autistic or Aspergers people were asexual. I think it still may be related in some way.
I'm sure I will still be a virgin at 45, perhaps even for life as I have no interest in it yet.
I don't know if I am even physically capable of it. I have never even masturbated.
I was a flaming (read "classic") autistic toddler. I grew into an Aspergian-type person, which I am to this day (even though I don't have Asperger's because of my severe speech delay).
I lost my virginity 17. I had sex (unfortunately) with a man, and (fortunately) with women. I'm a straight man. I'm 56 now. I've been (full monty) with one man, and 30-35 women. I would guesstimate that I've had sex over 1,000 times.
Were you like me where you didn't start talking til you were 5 or 6? Because that's what happened to me. And you have any kids from the sex you had?
I've never experienced romantic or sexual attraction and use to think it was because I had Aspergers.
I use to think all Autistic or Aspergers people were asexual. I think it still may be related in some way.
I'm sure I will still be a virgin at 45, perhaps even for life as I have no interest in it yet.
I don't know if I am even physically capable of it. I have never even masturbated.
I don't want sex either. But still romantic relationships and masturbaits regularly. Only reason why I don't sex is the experience of accidentally making a kid. I could see me really enjoying and loving having sex. But again don't want kids.
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