a frustration: unrealistic male friends

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My friends and I have always been fairly unsuccesful with the girls, and the dating game is rarely far from mind. Lately one thing that has been bothering me is the totally unrealistic expectations of some of my friends. In particular, one somewhat below average looking friend I'll call "K" (I dislike talking about people's appearance objectively, but it's relavent to this important issue), who has got a crush on an extremely pretty girl I'll call "T". K has been following T about everywhere and always joining her conversations. She's polite back, but has quite blatently shown absolutely no interest whatsoever. Next week K is planning to and ask her out, and he thinks he has a real chance at success :/

The other day I asked another friend, C, if he thought K had a chance. C said "I dont see why not". Now that explains something about C too, as the last 3 girls he has asked out were all drop dead gorgeous, while he's a quite below average.

One conviction that C and K often tell me about (as well as several of my friends with similar problems), is that they believe appearances don't matter in a relationship, and that they believe it's shallow and petty to think they do. Yet these same guys just happen to always chase girls who are in top 10% appearance wise.

This is so frustrating. Obviously I'm not about to tell them that they're not good looking enough to go for these girls, but I see it leading them to get their hearts broken again and again. These are very nice people, who would make great boyfriends, but they are going to waste by their folly. It's cringeworthy to watch them in the act.

Gah, rant over.

They are probably just the type who
eventually find what they're looking for.

The blind squirrel theory.

well, who knows. they might be successful with this super attractive girl. would you resent your mate that? or would that make you jealous, would you have wished that you had the nerve to try it on with them yourself?

i think that we go for different things at different times of our lives and at this time your mates have enough patience and energy to burn persuing women that you would consider to be 'out of their league'. i wonder how much real rational control we have over our ahem mating strategies/desires. as long as your not hurting anyone, it doesn't really matter. if your hurting yourself, well eventually that gets tiresome (i hope).

i know what you mean tho.

Even a blind squirrel gets nuts,
if it keeps persistently searching.

One of my friends is like that. He constantly flirts with the cashiers at work who obviously don't want to talk to him. They're just acknowledging his existence to be nice, but he doesn't seem to get it. It's pathetic and I feel bad for the poor girls.

Haha. The original poster has made some astute observations. Sometimes things that seem so obvious to a third party sail completely over the heads of the people themselves. It is true that sometimes average-looking guys can have success with people they have no business being with from a looks perspective. Often, the most attractive women are pursued overzealously by tools, and they really enjoy it when someone average approaches them with honesty, confidence, and poise. Not that I disagree your friends are acting foolishly, just making a point.

It seems to me that people like the ones the OP is talking about almost always have an irritating double standard. They don't think their own appearances matter, but they only ever feel respect or admiration for a girl who works really hard at looking good. (Being attractive takes a lot more real WORK for both genders than most people realize.) Don't the girls who work hard at keeping themselves attractive deserve to be with someone who makes a similar effort? What about all the less beautiful women out there- women who are in these guys' leagues- who are being ignored? Are they not worth their time?

While the OP's friends may eventually be successful and end up with very attractive women, I agree that they are being selfish, unrealistic and unfair. If their hearts end up broken, I will not sympathize.

Being attractive takes work?
I'm not sure I buy that.

Fitting certain standards might
(e.g. big muscles - lots of well applied
make-up), but neither I, nor the women
that I've had relationships with, tend to
be attracted to this type. More a good
complexion, fit body, and a flair for style,
none of which really requires any effort.

From what you say in your post, I see nothing wrong. Who says he likes this girl just because she is pretty? People have the right to like whomever they want. I just say this because usually when I have liked someone it has little to do with how he looks.

However if he was the type of guy (Or girl for that matter) who is not at all physically attractive, yet sets extreme standards for his partners physical appearance (Only willing to date very pretty girls, with certain very rare traits, etc) then I could certainly see your point. Those are unrealistic expectations

Why are you so concerned about the appearance of your friends? The only person's opinion that matters in this kind of situation is the person they are pursuing. Better to take a chance than take a defeatist attitude without knowing what the other person is thinking.

Anyone who tells you that looks don't matter at all is lying to you. Looks matter to EVERYONE. Not necessarily the same, but they still matter nonetheless.

Looks matter to a degree, (i.e. are they approachable?) If they are noticeably hard to approach then there is barrier number 1.
But once you have broken past that barrier and began to know someone, IMO so many things are more important.

Sense of humor.
Intelligence.
Own personal interest and goals, (I'm not looking for.."You complete me...")
Interesting.
Fun.
Can teach me something.

But I guess looks are pretty early in the equation. I really believe, esp. in my own experiences, this is not the most important thing, or even close.