Dating with social anxiety

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I've been chatting to this girl for a while and she's going to meet me next week. The thing that worries me is she has social anxiety.

How do I go about dating a girl who has social anxiety? I'm worried that if I make a move I might scare her off but based on past experience if I don't make a move she'll think I dislike her. How should I proceed?

I'd say just approach it like you normally would.

it's good that you've been chatting for a while. hopefully this will provide the platform you need to say, and ask, something along the following lines to her...in whatever words you need to use to convey your meaning...

"i appreciate that you have social anxiety so i don't want to risk doing anything that may upset you, if at anytime you feel i am treading on thin ground or making you feel uncomfortable, please say immediately and i will stop. i want you to enjoy your time with me and i want to do whatever will make you comfortable to enable that"...

hopefully after hearing the above she will feel both reassured and emboldened to speak up, should the need arise.

GL for your date.

Make her feel safe. Inject some light humor into it the situation.
I'd also make sure to listen well when she talks, yet do most of the talking so she doesn't feel she has to say something.
If you ask her questions try to stick away from how she "feels" about stuff and maybe gauge what sort of shows she likes or music or other stuff.

For someone who says she has social anxiety she seemed to be quite charismatic. She even talked about her penchant for kareoke, not an activity normally associated with social anxiety.

She implied she wants to take things slow, which is fine by me but that makes it no easier to gauge when to act. I always have this fear that if I act like her friend that's what I'll become. Especially since has actuall happened to me a few times.

It was the best date I'd been on in ages. We really opened up to each other. I said I'd like to meet her again and she said she'd like that.

Then she didn't respond to my texts. It was like she was trying to ghost me. Eventually she said she just didn't feel a connection with me. What does that mean?

One of the recurring problems in my life is that girls don't usually tell me why. Like, what I did wrong, what I could have done better. I feel like I should create a post date feedback form.

Now I'm left to wonder. Was it because I don't like the same foods as her? Was it because she's from an upper middle class family and I'm not? Was I being too cynical? Was it because I didn't break the touch barrister?

I don't know what I did wrong. I've learned nothing. Whatever mistake I made, I may make it again on my next date.

Probably nothing. She could have found somebody more to her particular taste.

Just like you might find one woman "more your speed" than the other. The other did nothing wrong, too.

That happened to me more times than I can count. All I can suggest is that thinking about it is a fruitless endeavor. There might be any # of reasons: you did something an ex did and it triggered a bad memory, their sibling or friends knows you and doesn't like you, the weather was crappy, you tied your shoelaces wrong, etc, etc. In other words it doesn't matter. If it makes you feel any better most of the women who did that to be are still single to this day. In other words, in most cases there is a good reason they are not in a relationship.

Besides, when I hear the word 'slow', that is usually code for someone who is emotionally unavailable. There is practically nothing you can do to win someone over who is like that and it's not worth it anyway.

True.

I'll cheer up eventually. My work and homelife have been even more boring than usual. Maybe I'm just tired.

LOL...That's why you should watch Aussie Rules football.

Just for those funny referees.....

What would happen if you handed out poems to women on the commuter railway?

One day, I actually did that on the NYC subway.

Don't put too much thought into it, especially not during the date.

Social anxiety is a form of fear of failure; if you don't mention the mistakes she made/makes, it should be ok on that regard

I just wonder what she meant by "didn't feel a connection".

Some say a guy has to smell right to a girl to demonstrate he has sufficient immunodiversity. Some say that's pseudoscience. If it's true there's no way to screen for it through dating sites unless I have smellovision.

Oooooh, so that's the missing link. I don't have enough immunodiversity! In hindsight it's so obvious; women have always been giving me the "this guy's immunodiversity is seriously lacking" look.

You don't have to have a certain smell for a woman to like you. It has to be if they like your personality or the way you act and how nice and friendly you are towards people.

In that case I'm doomed. I can't stand my personality. I'm too melancholy. Maybe people with depression just shouldn't date.