What to do?!

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know how best to convey this but here goes...

OK, you see I'm an aspie and my girlfriends an aspie. We generally get on better with eachother than with others and we're pretty good with eachother.

BUT, because we're both aspies we both lack certain skills. Take today for example, she was upset at me and when I ask why, is it something I've done?, she says its what I havent done. I'm pretty sure of what is being alluded to but I don't think either of us are really going to make the next move as is.

What I'm trying to say is that I need some sort of advice. Does anyone have any?!

If you want some advice I think you're going to have to give us more information.

Yeah. Learn your damned limitations
and communicate fully with one another.
You have to sit down and talk about how
not to hide stuff like this. It killed my marriage
(I think my wife and I both are AS).

What do you want to know?

Agree ahead of time on what is allowed or not allowed during arguments.

I would recommend looking into John Gottman's work. He is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and is most famous for his ability to predict with a high degree of accuracy whether or not a couple will eventually break up, just after listening to a few minutes of conversation.

The kind of uncommunicative "stonewalling" behavior you're describing is one of the most dooming things that can happen in a relationship, if it becomes habitual. It would be a wise move to end that sort of thing.

I guess I just don't understand what you're asking.

Are you looking for a way to make your girlfriend not mad at you anymore? Are you looking for more general relationship advice? What's your girlfriend mad at you for in the first place? What skills are you both lacking? Are you asking for help on how to acquire said unidentified skills, or do you just want to know why she's mad?

I'm not great at talking about these things but here goes. The problem, I think is that we both are not talking about certain things or doing things because we are both waiting for the other to instigate it. I'm pretty sure that she is mad at me for not being able to 'start these things' but I guess her not telling me about it also shows that she is doing the same.

I think what I'm asking is how best should we resolve this, and how better could we both get into 'starting things'? But all advice is helpful so if anyone has more advice then please!