Lost my nerve again!

Post Reply New Topic

I went to a new club last night... one I had competed at in the last big karaoke competition. Partly because I had left a disk there and was seeing if it was still there, and partly because there was a girl I was hoping to run into there...

Well, the girl I was hoping to run into wasn't there, but there was a girl there, Belinda, who had also been in the contest. At first we didn't recognize each other, but then the little light went on. I sat down with her and her friend Dina, and we all started talking.

Belinda was quite interesting... a voice coach, she also sings in a sort of a "Andrews Sisters revue" trio. And we seemed to have so much in common. Love of the same music, similar backgrounds, both have a cat, both love the same screwball movies (we traded quips from Airplane!, Young Frankenstein, Princess Bride, etc., all night long)... after a while, Dina got up and went over to talk to some other people (kind of as if to push us together?)... I asked Belinda if I was keeping her, if she'd like to go schmooze around a bit with any friends and she said no...

Long story short, I had intended to go home at midnight but ended up closing the bar with her. She kinda kept a distance between us in the booth, but not too far as if to say "go away..." I walked her to her car... was still too damn shy to ask for her number. Maybe a major faux pas?

I hope not. I don't think it will be that much of a problem... though I did get a handshake goodbye, she did make it clear that she had fun with me that evening and hoped to see me again.

Still... I wish I'd get over this fear of making that move. I'm always afraid they'll laugh at me or think I'm creepy or something...

I'm going to go back there next Tuesday, see if the magic is still there... (an all-too-familiar scene that rarely works out, alas)... will keep you all posted...

You are a serious playa, compared to me.
Rock on dude.

A serious playa that can't close the deal because of my Aspie insecurities. Majorly sucks.

Ok, here is what you do. With this girl, or the one who talked to you after the show a few weeks back (I think that was you...) give them YOUR number, so then you don't have to ask.

Just say "here is my number. give me a call sometime if you want." You don't have to do anything more, just give it to them, say that, and let it be done.

That's what my best friend Beth said to do, last time I was in this situation. (And nothing came of it...)

But... that's probably what I'll do, next time I see her. At least I'm pretty sure I'll see her again, since we move in the same circles.

You're getting better though. Maybe write yourself
a list of things to say, and surreptitiously glance
at it, to get ideas.

Is it insecurity ? obviously i dont know, but it sounds like you're quite happy socialising with women and able to maintain friendly well-mannered intelligent conversation and general good company.
I may be wrong, but i think you are suffering from a lack of planning more than anything else.
eg. when you are talking about movies and have similar taste, mention you have not seen [whatever] movie is coming up which you fancy seeing. If you get a positive response, then "well i was thinking of going on [whenever].." (but you need to know whats going on)
So be aware of local events you have an interest in going to, and when you find someone like-minded, you go together to keep each other company. It's a lot more natural than blurting out 'can i have yer number' at the end of the night.

I'm useless at these things too and prefer my own company, so i feel strange giving such advice, but i have learned from some good people. And this is what they do. It is more of a life-style than a technique.

Does that make sense

Kosmonaut's advice sounds good. Sort of test the waters by asking if she'd want to hang out some time. That way, you both have the option of turning the friendship into something more, if there are mutual feelings. While you're with her, you can flirt a little bit, to see if she picks up on anything.

Sounds like good advice all around. Thanks.

<sweat> lol

When do you expect to see her again at the club?

Going to that club again tonight. (IF my car holds up...) Wish me luck!

Luck.

yup

Make sure to print out everyone's advice and refer to it whenever in doubt.

Just got home.

She wasn't there tonight. Her friend, who was with her last week, was there.

And the first thing she said was, "Sorry, Belinda's not here tonight." Like she's already seeing the two of us together maybe?

We sat and talked a while, all sorts of stuff, before she called it an early evening. Then as she's leaving, she's like, "there's a bunch of girls at the other end of the bar..." which had me confused... I said no... I wasn't here for that. I wasn't much of a "playa", I was just here to sing. She smiled and left.

I am wondering though... was I taking the "best friend test"? Did I pass or fail... (Damn, I hate this stuff...)