Losing a friend/partner?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone, I am desperately looking for some advice here. I have recently mutually and happily ended a two and a half year relationship with a girl who started off as my best friend. She has ASD but is undiagnosed so far. To begin with we worked really well but as time went on both of us started to slip out of a physical relationship and began to slide into the relationship we used to have as friends. We were feeling a little bit numb towards each other and worrying about our lack of feelings, which lead us to decide we were better of sliding back into friendship.
Since then, what I thought would make me feel a lot better has actually made me feel down. Part of me feels I have lost something or done something wrong even though I know this was far safer. I was terrified that I could lose a friend, unlike anyone I have ever met and felt our relationship was dragging our friendship down.
What I am trying to say is my head does not regret our decision to be friends, not at all but my heart does.
Emotionally I feel like something is bad or wrong, and - like if someone had died- I am happy until I remember the situation and then my heart sinks a little.
I know I am the worlds quickest when it comes to forgiving people- a habit I picked up through emotional blackmail by bullies when I was a kid - and I don't want to be the person that jumps if someone says let's just change this back again. I need to be able to be me, to be her friend without feeling I need her to be my partner. I need to gain self-confidence and be ok with myself without being another part of her.
I would love it if people have any tips on getting through this time, this awkwardness when I am re-finding myself.
thank you for listening and helping me on my way.

Sometimes you are grieving for what you hoped a relationship would be rather than what it actually was.

It is difficult to move from a relationship straight into being friends. Sometimes it is too easy to slip into old habits then one of you can end up getting hurt. My advice would be some distance for a little while would help keep a perspective

Take care

Remember though you can be anywhere you choose without enduring mental distance.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Everytime I make a good friend, I always worry I will lose them.

That's probably why they'll keep you.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos