I don't want to have sex...

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For the longest time I've been obsessed with sex, and the idea of being in a relationship. Lately I find the idea of sex rather unappealing. I've never been in a sexual relationship, or any relationship closer to someone then a friend that went anywhere (by that I mean I've dated several girls, with varying degrees of failure).


I believe my new line of work may be a factor (dealing with a lot of elderly people and their various body parts) in this however... I think that if I ever did have sex, it would not have been a pleasant experience. I would have had huge sensory overload issues (not in a sexual way). I think just like I have trouble connecting with most people socially, I think physically I would have the same problem.


In addition to social problems and "overload issues" there is the way I view the human body... I used to think it attractive, more and more it grosses me out. Especially pornography, I tried watching porn a few nights ago to see if it would spark my interest. I found myself wanting to throw up. It seems like some of their body parts are in places where they shouldn't be, or are shaped "wrong". It wasn't an anime, or hentai, and it wasn't censored. It wasn't even a fetish video, just "regular" sex.


I am starting to wonder, maybe the fact that I haven't had sex is a good thing? I've always been touchy about the issue, I've been ridiculed a lot for it. Just like everything else in my life. Truth be told its probably a good thing, I've been traumitized by so much thats happened in my life up to this point, this is just one more thing I don't need to deal with.

That's the way that I felt when I was working with old folks. This may be more of a Mature forum subject, too.

I don't want to have sex.

While asexuality is not the norm within Asperger's, we asexuals do seem overrepresented here. Could be old folks, Could be just you. I am fifty three, never had it never will. Is okay with me.

First off, it's always good to consult with a physician to rule out physical reasons for these sorts of feelings.... I mean, lack of feelings. Or icky feelings. Whatever.

Secondly, watching people go at it in pornographic pictures or videos is absolutely nothing like the real thing. Personally I think you're right to be disgusted by what you saw. But beyond the moral take on the matter, I think you're probably being too hard on yourself in assuming that you're going to feel disgusted by the body of the (hypothetical) woman you may someday love just because you don't fancy watching people fornicate on film.

And yes, I do believe that the fact that you are a virgin is a good thing. How awful that you've had to endure teasing because of it!

However, the fact that you're still so deeply wounded by the traumas to which you alluded, even to the point where you are not experiencing sexual attraction and desires... that part is worrisome. If you are happy this way and functioning fine in daily life (from the sounds of it, you are not), I suppose it would be fine. Otherwise, something needs to be done to correct this issue--whether it be a hormonal imbalance or a psychological block or something else.

I'll second the thing about porn: Watching it is like staring at the illustrations in a cook book in an attempt to get filled -- it doesn't satisfy very much, at least not for me...

Well, one can do more than just watch....

Ever been in the position?

I can relate to the not wanting to have sex thing...well...minus the things the original poster went into. For me, it's all a matter of costs versus benefits, rational theory. Even if I were to be in a relationship with someone, before having sex, there's a lot of things to consider: possible STD tests if she's been with previous partners, her kids if she's a single mother, drama from her previous relationships, whether or not she's really telling the truth about her sexual past...the costs outweigh the benefits of having sex.

I'm a single virgin, too, and I used to be obsessed with relationships, sex, etc. While it doesn't disgust me, though, I really don't have the interest to partake in it anymore. I don't mind studying Human Sexuality, however, as it is a hobby of mine. Again, I just don't want to apply what I've learned.

After all, being single has its benefits. It means you get to spend more money on yourself.

Right now in my life I dislike intimacy, and as a result, sex. The concept of 'love' puts me off - why can't people accept that it is a tool of biological compliance and nothing more? Oh well.

I have a peculiar approach to sex at the moment - apparently I want to engage in it on a conceptual level, but the idea of actually getting that close fills me with a deep-seated dread/disgust/fear/whatever.

That's exactly how I feel about it actually...

Can I have yours then?

wow...
well I'm the opposite of what you just said

Love is more than sex. One doesn't tend
to speak of sex with ideas. Nor sex with
the whole of humanity. Love is something
much more abstract, and not just a reaction
to arousal.

Sex isn't that bad... IF you find the right person. However, that, as this forum has indicated, is often the bigger problem.

I had and still have the same feelings regarding being that intimate with another. I want to be with someone I can trust with my life (which, to this point, I haven't found). The first girlfriend, who she and I both were planning to marry eventually... just turned out to need a babysitter more than a boyfriend. It's been similar with all of the girls I have met.

Furthermore, the concept of performing an act that, over the first few attempts, causes pain to the girl that I would be interested in disturbs me. I do not understand why women find it so pleasurable, when the initial contact causes so much injury.

Finally, while I did enjoy sex, some of the foreplay and dominant/submissive features of sex do disturb me from time to time. I want to find a girl who treats me like an equal, and wants to be treated similarly. However, I cannot grasp how such an equal relationship can exist with some of the sexual behaviors men prefer women to do, and women prefer men to do.

I'd like to find Mrs. Right, but there is a part of me that is hesitant to indulge my biological desires on a person who I would love and respect. I know I met the challenge once before, but even then, there were times when I would much rather have just cuddled.