NT seeking answers from those who are on the spectrum

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Hello!
I am new here. I have a couple of questions, because I am trying to understand my boyfriend, who has high functioning autism, better. I understand everyone is different. That is true for NTs and from what I read is true for people who are on the Autism spectrum. I have made mistakes, because I have issues myself and, though we've been a "couple" for several years now, I am still learning about his needs and issues.
The main problem is his job and the tremendous responsibilities, stress and pressure that he has been under for the last couple of years. When work is going badly there are long periods of time that I won't hear from him. I'm talking many months. We had a great couple of years, but then his work situation changed.
He knew things were going to get bad at work (New big projects and dozens of problems following the projects) and told me some things before it started - that he wanted me to wait for him (I asked if he wanted me to wait.) and that he wanted to marry me (eventually, whatever that means).
Change is very difficult for me, but he says it's even more difficult for autistic people. I believe he loves me. He told me so many times. He's a lovely, wonderful man, who is very affectionate and super kind, normally, but during his busy period at work he's like a different person. I love him so much and I try very hard to understand his issues and his personality. I can be very insecure at times of no communication. It makes me think he doesn't love or want me anymore. The last time I saw him, I could tell he was very tired and stressed out. He had some nervous tics. I asked if he had broken up with me. He said no. He let me know that work was still going badly. He told me in the past that when he gets like he is now it's hard for him to manage so many things at one time, i.e., relationships and responsibilities, plus he said he can't be responsible for my emotional well being. It's like he functions at work, but that is all he can do during times like this.
My question for you with Asperger's, HFA, is, if you were in his situation or place, would you want a woman to believe in you and trust in you? Is it possible that a person with Asperger's/HFA would shutdown emotionally for months to years at a time?
Thank you for your replies.

No, i don't think so
but personally, i always think no news is good news
but a call eg once a week, would not be too outlandish.
Whats up with this, is he astronaut?
It's very strange to me, don't assume its (only) autism.
it looks suspiciously like a double life tbh (men, older men, throw around the word marriage easily while prospecting)

I agree. I even think it is the opposite. Many autistic/neurodiverse people need regular contact with a love interest, and if this is not sustained, they will get worried. The irregular habits typically happen when we are not that into somebody. Therefore, I'd say his behavior is a red flag.

I can sort of see where he is coming from, with the absolutely no multitasking and one thing taking up all your brain space as I get that to a big degree too - but honestly, if you're important to him as he says, I would have thought he would factor that variable into his workload, as cold as that sounds. Communication with you would be one thing in his workload that he would have to account for, and arrange things to accommodate that. Does he understand that you are neurotypical, and what your needs are? If so, then I wouldn't think maybe a text every week or even a few times a week is too much to expect. Just to let you know you still matter, he's just really swamped with work right now.
But I digress - that's not your question. This behaviour is very possible for an autistic alexithymic. With such a person, your needs must be clearly delineated so he knows what you require and can give you that. He may only understand this cognitively if such be the case but it's still understanding. Honestly though if communication with you is this overloading coupled with work, if I were him I might be looking for ways to reduce commitments and obligations, to reduce the amount of overload. If work is top priority, then priorities under that are going to suffer.
It really is impossible to figure someone else though, autistic or not.

Aspies do tend to get involved in projects and lose track of time.

I'd suggest that the both of you try to carve out some regular time together, perhaps eating a meal or two on a biweekly basis. After all, even though he has work to do he still has to eat. And eating by himself isn't going to give him more time for whatever he needs to get done.

I'll disagree with that. This behavior is only possible if he is not into her a lot. In my experience, alexithymia is secondary to a real love interest. In fact, nothing can compete with a love interest in my experience. Provided it is a real love interest, and not only some NT game.



Sure, but projects and interests are prioritized. A real love interest always comes before a special interest project, but a social game comes long after it.

Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes I see things as black or white. This is an issue I have. Not everything is so simple as that. This happened before, when we had a long distance relationship.
I have never heard of autistic alexithymic before. He does have other issues, such as depression, adhd, and he hates his job. There have been times when he has had to work 48 hours straight, sleep, then work another 48. ( several times trying to meet deadlines) He has a professional job where he is second in command in his company. There is a lot of technology involved. He has said several times that he is on the verge of a breakdown. That's why I have tried to back off and not add to the pressure he feels.
I don't believe a double life is the problem. I think it is a mental issue and how he copies with things. He doesn't have time for any hobbies or fun. He goes to work, (has missed work maybe five times in 25 years), comes home and works some more, then goes to bed. He doesn't feel he has the option of quitting his job, because he helps support his two grown kids, his mother, and unfortunately me at times. It just seems like he is going to kill himself slowly.