approach anxiety

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Not looking to commiserate or throw a pity party, but this is a bottleneck that I just can't get past. I'm 37 now and when I was younger, I was sometimes able to put myself out there. But in college, there were women everywhere. Now I look around and there's not alot of options, and when I see somebody I like the look of, I talk myself out of it pretty fast. Mostly because I used to dither and have an argument with myself about approaching, but now I just rapidly say I need to make a decision fast, and the decision is always no. An excuse always jumps into my head the most common one these days is, She's too young. Or I don't approach and feel glad I didn't because a boyfriend suddenly shows up.

Online dating round these parts is no good either, most of the women seem to be obese or unattractive, just going by there pictures. The ones I do message, don't respond. I think it might have more possibilities in a big city like LA or New York, but that's not where I live right now. I tried taking up a yoga class, but it turned out to be less social then I thought and shockingly not much in the way of good targets. Bars suck because the lights and sounds along with the cliques of people freak me out, I enter a bar and I just end up feeling intimidated by the environment.

How do you motivate and trick yourself into doing approaches? I just want to become the kind of person who ALWAYs approaches a women who catches his eye, and not have it be a big deal. I just don't know how. It feels too unpleasant and overwhelming every time I contemplate it. But what's even scarier is where this path leads. If this pattern continues, then the rest of my life is easy to predict. How do you desensitize yourself to rejection? Or is that even possible?

I used to be a mormon missionary and for two years knocked on doors and talked to strangers everyday. When I did that I remember at the end of it realizing that I was still anxious and uncomfortable every time I did it. It never got better. And I don't think I was very good at it by the end of that experience.

The simple answer is that you go by your natural instinct and stop cold approaching girls and try to ask them out. Try to catch her interest with repeated eye-contact, and if she reciprocates that, you know there is some kind of mutual interest. From there you can take it by trying to meet her again, even try to get into the group she is in. It's amazing how far you can take this without ever entering a conversation with a girl, and how patient girls that are interested are. Simply put, if you come out as desperate, the "right" sort of girls will ignore you, but if you play with persistence and patience, they will play along if they are interested. Just don't take it too far.



It's the "ask every girl out" policy that takes you down the rejection road, and you simply avoid it by not cold-approaching girls. So, no need to desensitize yourself.