That's just who you are

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Sometimes I feel like people look at singletons as set as singletons. Like they don't expect your life to change.

You're just single and that's who you are.

It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to make an effort to change my situation without being judged. Not sure where this paranoia has come from, but it seems to be me doing a bit of black and white thinking when told I should be happy on my own.

One of my friends had a short relationship recently and my other friends Mum was surprised. "I didn't know she wanted anyone!"

Really? You're surprised she's actually human?

People think single people have chosen to be single. They can't comprehend being constantly rejected or having no one interested in you over years and years.

Anyone else observe this?

Yes, of course. A lot of my and my wife acquaintances (all who didn't know about our relationship) were very surprised to know that we got married.
I guess everyone thinks that being odd is a personal choice.

Because most people rarely get rejected. So they don't understand that people would be single no by choice. I've sure you've seen people break up and hours or days later have a new relationship. It's easy for them, they hardly ever spend much of their life single.

Some people apparently thought I had a relationship 0.o

Old people do get surprised.

But it's not the same for younger people, not for the same reason you're talking about.

Those younger people DO assume that I am too unattractive (and too short in particular) to be in a relationship, I know that from people's suggested dates who often suggest to me the obviously most unattractive looking (and often very obese) woman in the room, and I was told before something like 'You can't have better'.

I noticed that young people tend to be more blunt about it. It hurts self esteem, but at least you can better estimate your dating value.

I think if I actually got far enough in my life to actually have a relationship and get married, it would surprise everyone, including me. I don't know how I would handle such good fortune, honestly. It would be much more than I deserve in life.

Unless you have an abusive personality and I doubt that you do, why would you think that you don't deserve to be in a relationship?

I've never had an experience like that. I mean I'm 22 and have never dated, but I've never heard anyone say that I seem like the kind of person who wants to be single or who can't find anyone. Or well, when I was on eight grade there was this friend of mine who said: "You're the kind of person who won't date when you're young and will find a man when you're thirty and stay with him the rest of your life." I don't know yet if she was right or not but hey, if she was right and I have to wait a bit over eight years to find the love of my life then I certainly won't mind. Thirty's not that old.

On the other hand, my mom is impatient to get all of her four daughters married, simply because she likes all kinds of family celebrations. Not that she's pressing us or anything, she simply makes little jokes if the subject comes up (like when my sister's coworker got married around a month ago and she saw the wedding card my sister had bought. She told the two of us who were there that we should hurry and marry so she could buy a cute card.) or when she has some alcohol in her system.

I admit I feel the same way a lot of the time. As much as people want to say aspergers isn't a disability these days it still is and nothing can change that. A lot of us are pretty screwed up people. If someone is willing to accept up for who we are that's awesome. But can we really blame them for having higher standards than we can reach?

You're too young yet for anyone to assume that about you.

Tends not to be family. My family think that I'm nice enough to find someone. It's other people that say that to me.

Or it's other single women. They've given up and have accepted their fate so they think that I should too so that I can have some contentment.

I'm not giving up.