I think I scared away a potential date

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I started talking to a nice lady on okcupid a couple days ago. Everything seemed to be going well... she was obviously interested in me (even after admitting my AS), and I know that I was (and still am) definitely interested. We had set up a lunch date for this coming saturday. But yesterday I send a text asking her if we're still on for that, and she said she had to take her parents to the airport. I've been in this position before, and because both of us had been fairly upfront and honest in our exchanges (including me saying I had basically no experience in dating or relationships whatsoever), I asked her straight up if I had creeped her out or scared her away. She ended up sending multiple text messages that essentially said I was still okay in her book and that I hadn't done anything wrong. Yet I'm still worried that I have done something...

I really want this to work. I know it's desperate of me to think so, but it's honestly a miracle that we found each other at all. And if I squander this miracle that I have been praying for constantly over the past few years, i don't think God, or whatever cosmic entity you do (or don't) believe in, would grant me another one... I'd just be an ungrateful self-entitled jerk at that point...

I scare off potential mates all the time. Too bad I can't scare off the ones I'm not remotely interested in.

Try not to let your past nerves get to your newfound dating experiences. If everything seems to be going well between you and the lovely lady you met, then it probably is! She has reassured you that nothing has gone wrong, and if it was she would likely lessen her contact with you or cut you off altogether. Try to minimize the doubt you have going on, and concentrate on having fun with her.

Best of luck!

I understand how stressed you must be. I think what you need to do is just keep reminding yourself that it doesn't matter that you are afraid you might have creeped her out... keep ACTING like everything is going to be okay. Just follow through with the date, treating it as if everything is just fine and in all likelihood, everything will be fine.

It's completely understandable to be stressed out. It might even be fine to let her know that you are a bit nervous because you want things to work. She probably is too. I would, however, suggest that you keep comments about being nervous down to a minimum. If you mention it, mention it only once and let it rest. We all see our own failings all too clearly and think everyone else can see them just as clearly. But you have to remember most people are doing exactly what you are doing... looking at their own failings and worrying how they will come across.

Good luck

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You were upfront and forthcoming about your Asperger's and should be admired for that. That's something that's hard for a lot of people to do. Like me, for example. I only tell people on a need-to-know basis. Otherwise, it's not something that I share. You should be commended for your efforts. If she says everything is OK, then it's OK. Besides, maybe she really did have to take her parents to the airport. It sounds like she is a very kind and understanding person. You might be worried for nothing!

There's always the possibility that she actually did have to take her parents to the airport lol, have some faith! The only thing that I think you maybe could have done differently is asking directly if you scared/creeper her out, mostly because I assume you haven't met in person yet. There are indeed a lot of scary/creepy people on the internet, so when you ask someone that directly it puts it at the forefront of their mind, and even if they find absolutely nothing off-putting about you at all they may start to think "should I have been scared or creeped out?"

This is part of why I really want this to work. She wasn't scared off by me being on the spectrum, nor taking care of my LFA brother (if anything the loyalty inherent in that was attractive to her). She liked that i'm a bit of a religious man that wants to start a family. Such a woman that wouldn't be turned away by any of that is a rare and precious soul... and yet here i am doing what I do best: being repulsive.

ToadOfSteel....... I actually understand your concerns and actually I think you DO have cause for concern BUT..... it's one of those no man's land things....... some things just don't add up.... Surely the girl knew she had to take her Parents to the airport when she agreed to meet you for lunchdate? As it was her changing the agenda, the onus was on her to at least let you know that she cannot make the lunchdate due to taking Parent's to airport... she could have offered/suggested another date/time..... Yet she leaves it to you to text her to ask if the lunchdate is still on.... yet only after you text her she tells you, you've done nothing wrong and still ok in her book.....

It's a really tough one..... maybe she does like you but is selfish and inconsiderate ? Another way of looking at this is that it IS early days, just go with the flow, be aloof and enjoy her company etc etc but I do concur you have the right to be wary. Best of luck and hope it goes well for you on the next date.

What you should do is to send her an email for setting another lunchdate,

Give her two to three chances at most.

If she flakes the date on every time because she had to pick up some parent or has to take the dog to the vet or whatever..... then the f**k with her! lol

and don't wait too much, if you didn't do it already, go do it now!

Pros:

She talked to you for a while.

She was willing to set up an initial date.

She sent multiple messages saying you were ok and she wasn't creeped out.

Cons:

She did not suggest a re-scheduled date after breaking this one.

My Take:

She is interested but thinks she moved way too fast with somebody she's only talked to a little. She may have mentioned the upcoming date with friends who said, "are you insane? you're going to meet some guy you talked to on the internet?. That's not safe!". My advice is to keep talking to her casually but not re-schedule a date until after you have talked just to get to know each other several times more.

She finds your religion and family focus to be your attractive qualities (such as family loyalty to your LFA brother). Girls who prefer family orientation over "let's go white water rafting" thrills tend to be fairly cautious and like to play it safe. Ironically, the type of girl most likely to be attracted to you is also the type of girl least likely to want to rush into a date. She probably overshot her comfort zone and panicked (also the type of girl most likely to panic when outside her comfort zone).

My advice. Don't despair and give up and think you blew it. Instead think that a girl who is attracted to your qualities is also a girl who gets nervous outside her comfort zone so keep talking to her but move slooooowwwwwwww.

^^ NO! Bad advice!

If you both agreed a date in the first place, then you're not moving any faster by suggesting another time for it. This is because you both have already agreed to go ahead with the stage of meeting up.

What I would do is ask up to two times more...because for some reason, people have this number 3 rule that if you break, you can creep people out. Up to 3 attempts though is fine.

The advice I gave isn't about girls in general, many of whom would respond well to immediate action. It was about this very specific girl who has stated specific things she finds attractive about ToadofSteel. My advise to not give up but instead move slowly is based on my experience of the cautious nature of such girls. Pushing for an immediate re-schedule really is likely to scare her off. With some girls that would be a good idea. But this is not likely to be the type of girl who would react well to moving quickly. Being allowed to retreat back to her comfort zone without writing her off as a loss will, I think, have better results with this specific person.

She hasn't said anything since wednesday. Should i just wait and see if she'll respond or try messaging her again at some point in the future?

I would message her again in a few days. Keep it casual, don't try to re-schedule. In fact you might even say it's totally ok if you get to know each other more by messaging before meeting in person, going slow is fine. If she changed her mind entirely, that won't help (nothing will). But if she simply got nervous about moving too fast and regrets her speed rather than regrets her attraction, that can put her at ease. I would do that sort of message twice, with a couple of days between them, before giving up. But if you hear absolutely nothing back even after that sort of message, then give up. I am hoping she merely got nervous about not knowing you well enough.