am i a bad boyfriend? (long distance relationship)

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i've been dating my current partner for 3 months now... things are going better than any other relationship i've ever been in. they're kind and open and i trust them more than i've ever trusted a partner before, even the one i dated for 4 years. i hate relationships generally and never initiate, never been happy in one, but this relationship matters to me. i feel content and hopeful about the future, despite my depression and anxiety and feelings of isolation making those feelings hard to access.

the problem is that i don't think i'm doing good enough for my partner. they're incredibly affectionate and always want to talk to me, whether it's about their interests or my interests or sexting or how much they care about me. it doesn't make me uncomfortable and we talk every day, but it's difficult for me to spend so much time talking to people..... i get anxious and restless if i talk to them for too long and worried that my responses aren't good enough.... i'm kind of a loner by nature, and like spending a lot of quiet time to myself. i've told them that i need space sometimes and they're supportive of that, but i also know that they're very clingy by nature and i'm probably making them feel unloved. i also am not all that interested in sexting and i'm worried it shows... i don't want them to feel like i'm disinterested. i do care about them greatly (i'm visiting them for the first time in a month, which i'm excited about) and i try to reassure them often, but what if they're unhappy and just don't want to tell me?

If you're disappointing and inadequate eventually they feel the need to move on and will communicate so.

Until that point, if you want to remain with them make an effort to reciprocate their affection. If you're genuinely disinterested you won't want to make the effort and will struggle to do so, and if that's ongoing try to imagine your life without them. If you'd prefer to be alone you should communicate this to them.

Considering your excitement over visiting them (for the first time, later this month? or for the first time since a month ago?) I'd delay any serious decisions until after that's occurred.

Communication is everything. Make sure the person knows that certain things are part of your nature, and not influenced by your level of interest in them. And also let them know that you need them to tell you point blank what their needs are, so that you can make an attempt to meet them. Make it clear you want to meet their needs to the extent possible (as it seems you do), but there may be times that clashes with your own needs, at which point you both need to be honest.

The make or break here is going to be just how far apart your competing needs turn out to be. It sounds like the differences are probably manageable with a little compromise on both your parts, and such compromise would be expected in a relationship. If you are both staying blunt and open with your communication, you will know if the gap gets too large.

Meanwhile, while it is good to worry about your partner's unmet needs, it is going to be their decision to make on if that is a gap they can live with it, just as it will be your decision to make when it comes to yours. You should both want to keep trying to give each other what you each need, of course, but the process is rarely perfect, and ultimately we all have to choose for ourselves what our priorities are. No one makes a perfect partner. No one. If you are meant to be, eventually you will both let go of the differences and be comfortable with whatever unique "normal for you" you end up creating.

I'm thinking it's the newness of it all----why he is texting / calling, so much----and, it'll be, therefore, temporary. If you can hang-in-there, a bit longer, the newness will wear-off, and it'll be worth it----BUT, if you absolutely don't like doing something (ie, the sexting), then I feel you definitely have to tell them, that.

Also, if you live alone----or, at least separate from your "partner"----I'm thinking that it's quite possible that THEY aren't the one that's making you feel "anxious and restless"; I'm thinking that it's YOU who is making yourself, feel that way, cuz you're so worried (understandably) that you're not doing something(s) right, and that you'll lose them. We Aspies, often, take alot of time to process things (myself, included), and if we haven't quite gotten things worked-out, in our mind, before our next encounter with the person, we're going to feel VERY overwhelmed; don't beat yourself up, about it.

Also, you used words / terms, like: "content and hopeful" and said that you were not "uncomfortable", so I'm thinking another part of your anxiety might have to do with being excited and wishing things would move-along, a little more quickly, maybe----or, just the mere fact that, apparently, you all don't live closer to each other (different countries?), and you're anxious to "cut-to-the-chase", so-to-speak. If so, try to be more patient----I know that's easier said, than done, but.....

Assuming you mean you've never met, in person, maybe you're worried that when you DO, finally meet, that you won't live-up-to his expectations? What if he doesn't live-up-to YOURS? I'm thinking alot of this is yet another part of the newness of it all----and, because, like you said, you've never had a relationship that you cared so much about. You have to give yourself break, with the worrying, and just trust (you said, already, that you trust them) that they'll tell you if they're unhappy----and, if they don't, you can't be expected to read somebody's mind!!

Here's hoping ALL goes GREAT!!

Wow, your situation is so similar to mine that I thought you were my boyfriend posting this for a second. I have mild AS whereas his is pretty intense. Our situation is exactly like yours, your position being the same as my boyfriend. Sometimes I doubt he likes me at all (even though I know I'm the first girl he's seriously dated in a long time) because he usually takes like one to three hours to respond to me by text...And for someone in an LDR that seems like forever. He's explained to me that he hates text because it makes him anxious, misinterpret things, etc, which I can relate to, but it's hard not to feel paranoid given that I have the same anxious/overthinking tendencies. I'm not even clingy but compared to him I definitely seem so. He oftentimes will ignore me or seem callous or disinterested online when IRL he's very sweet. But then he'll call me and tell me he misses me or something I know is very difficult for him to say.

I'm not an idiot, I know he likes me (he's introduced me to his parents, every single one of his close friends, and they all say they hear a lot about me,) but sometimes it's difficult. Just once in a while say something really sweet or show them that you care. I'm sure they understand that it's hard for you. If they don't understand then you two aren't a good match. But you shouldn't one-sidedly assume how things are before they open up to you. Both my boyfriend and I tend to overthink and assume how others feel (since AS people always take an objective view) but this can be a very bad thing and make you doubt something for some weird reason.

I would love to PM you if you want to talk further!