The block

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Hi all

As I’ve recently been diagnosed, I’ve only now come to the realization that the emotional block I feel towards my close relatives (and wife) is down to autism. With strangers I’m fine but the more I get to know people, the more this block appears and the stronger my withdrawal gets. I’m sure people can relate to this but I’ve only just realized that it will never go away.

How do people deal with this?

I don't expirience this, the closest expirience to what you describe is anxiety and being overhelmed by my own emotions.
I know two ways out:
1. Art
2. Good therapist.
Probably they can be applied both.

Are you in Don Quixote territory?

Or the area where the Barber of Seville takes place?

Alicante

I know somebody who knows somebody from Alicante. I heard it's really hot there, and can get up to almost 50 Celsius.

That "somebody" comes from Olot, which is located near Barcelona, in Catalunya.

I feel similar to you. I can open up my heart to a stranger---but, to family, I'm pretty distant.

with a romantic partner you have to learn sometimes. It's hard for me too, but i really want to get better so i try.

It doesn’t quite get that hot as I live o the coast. It’s nearer 40C inland which is still pretty hot. As long as I know there are others in the same boat...

Learn to do what? Not feel the block?

I have number 2 and i am a musician in place of number 1. I could try art though, I always liked drawing

Sorry. I meant i try to learn to express what i feel for the other person.

I just realized maybe we have different problems. I feel plenty of things, almost too many really, but i struggle to express any of it in a way that the other person will receive. That's what i am trying to get better at.

Were you hurt in the past? The only thing that made me go numb really was mistreatment.

If you have the nr 2, then talk about it with them. If it's anxiety, it can be helped.

Helo Martyn, s'mae.

Since being with my fiance I've learned to talk a lot with him. I wasn't used to talk at all about myself before and it wasn't easy at the beginning, but he helped and still helps me with his patience to figure out the words I want to find to explain my thoughts / blocks etc. He gives me all the space, but is also just silently next to me, if I need him.
We talk about everything and that often helps me (even if it needs a while sometimes) to get rid of those blockades, even if it is only for a limited time.
In my case it is, like magz said, often anxiety related and the feeling of being overwhelmed. I either block everything or just cry, because I can't handle this feeling and then I get upset about, because I don't understand why I can't handle certain things. It's a bit of a vicious circle...

Diolch yn fawr Fraggle78

That sounds very similar to me. I guess the block is a defense mechanism and we’ve had many rows about it, but it’s only recently we learnt I was on the spectrum. A lot of time has passed now though and I’m wondering if too much damage has been done. I guess my problem is I have no imagination to picture what a good outcome will look like. I’m still not 100% sure what she feels about this whole thing.

I guess there is a lot to talk then. Did she changed her thinking since you are aware of being on the spectrum? Did you change your thinking? I believe it is a very confusing situation for both of you.
You've said you've got a good therapist. Is it possible to take your wife with and talk about this? Or if that's not possible, have you considered to find a therapy for the both of you?

I took my partner to all my appointments with the mental health service. Sometimes I need him to translate my way of thinking, because I can't process words fast enough, but he knows me good enough to understand. He also got the chance to explain himself and his thoughts on the topic we were on and that helps us both.
At the moment - well since January - I've got worse case scenario of the uncertainty of a waiting list... never ending story.