Keeping options open?

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It's so hard to keep trying to connect with other guys once i like someone bc i tend to fixate. Anyone manage to keep dating around and make new connections even if they like some one else? Specifically asking AS since we tend to be more obsessive lol. I'm looking for help with correct mind set i guess?

It's always a good approach to keep yourself an autonomous person.

Don't let anybody else cause you to subsume yourself in that "anybody else."

You can love and desire someone.....and maintain your individuality.

I find it difficult. If I'm interested in one person I'm only interested in that person.

The thing is few men have whatever it is that attracts me in the first place. I like the geeky, laidback, intelligent with a good sense of humour sort who seem to be on my wavelength. Not many people are on my wavelength. So it's rare that I like someone and it's rare that 2 turn up at the same time.

Once I like a person(romantically), I am only interested in that one person.

That's probably why I have such a hard time with people who cheat. I just can't understand it.

I'm a big proponent of keeping options open.

And yes, I've been right on edge of causing serious trouble because of how obsessively I'd pursue women. Part of my problem was not understanding what was appropriate in an relationship. I learned my lesson before it really got ugly. So if I had it to do all over again, I'd take my own advice and not be so eager to get into a relationship. Plus I'd be more willing to end relationships that had gone on too long.

But what I want to know is if you're obsessing over one person at the moment, what are his feelings towards you? I don't want to push you into a relationship too early if the time isn't right, but is it possible that the time IS right?

I do think it's a good idea to keep options open. Afterall we could obsess over someone who is not at all interested and waste time completely when we could have been getting to know someone who is actually interested.

I see the logic, but i do only tend to like one person at A time.

Though saying that I can still feel a lot of affection for someone I've discovered isn't interested and when I see them again i feel warm and fuzzy and I can enjoy talking to them, but the obsession itself is over. I do t think about them as much, but a little bit of me still hopes they could change their mind.

I've fixated on "one person" a few times. Each time, it ended rather disastrously.

I also wouldn't want somebody to be fixated on me.

I believe in companionship and commitment---but not in immersion.

I used to have issues with fixating, but it always ended up working against me. Fixation limits your options, and causes you to invest emotionally in someone who in all likelihood probably doesn't like you back (unless you have reasons to suspect otherwise, of course). I found it was too emotionally taxing to fixate on someone only to figure out that they don't see you the same way and never will. So I guess I've grounded myself by realising that fixating is an exercise in futility if there are no clear signs of reciprocation, and often even when there are.

I think maybe we are defining "fixation" differently. I meant to be interested in one person at the emotional exclusion of other possible suitors. (Making myself "emotionally unavailable " for lack of better words).

I do not wish to immerse myself in another person obsessively. I believe that is a more adolescent approach to romance... (i certainly did behave this way as a tennager)

To angelrho, unfortunately the time is not is right. By the time the timing is right, i may have missed out.



What were the clear signals that still didn't pan out? I'm guessing it's a little different for girls then guys, but I'm still curious.

It's a matter of maturity.

That's what I took it to mean too.
Not that you'd build a shine to the. Just that one person captures your interest at a time.

I just mean that people can be fickle and change their minds even after indicating their interest, so fixating can still end badly. I haven't had this happen to me personally, as very few people have ever indicated interest in the first place. But I know people who have had this happen to them.

I don't see much value in fixating on someone unless you know you can have them, at which point you don't need to fixate on them as you can actually be with them. I've had enough of the emotional turmoil caused by being hopeful for or getting excited about things that never end up happening.

I'm currently fixated on one person. Can't help it really, she's quite something. The unfortunate reality of having a crush on a friend is that you can't just avoid them because that's horrible to do to a friend, but spending time around them makes it harder to move on.

Always keep all options open.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your options open, because one person may not be right for you, or may not be interested.

The main thing is to not mess around with more than one person at the same time, though. Not only will this give people a bad impression of you, but it also can create conflicts.

Good advice. If you are seeing more than one person, but one of them thinks you are exclusive, they will get hurt.

Though I'll reckon not many of us here can get one person to go out with us, never mind several lol.