What my mind always tells me

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"It's too late to learn the dating game. I didn't learn it in my developmental years so I missed out."

"I don't drink and smoke so I can't have a girlfriend."

"Time is running out."

"Time has already run out and any hope I get is just false hope."

"There are no single girls left in the world."

"They are always going to say they have a boyfriend or that they are too busy."

"Will she say yes because she's different or will she tell me to f**k off like the others?"

"I missed a chance. I am a f*****g idiot."

"I don't deserve you."

Well then here comes a counter attack against that mind of yours:

"I don't need to learn the dating game and get lot of experience; it's enough as long as I find the one."

"I don't drink or smoke so I can use more money for going to places where I could potentially meet a girlfriend."

"Time is running out, so I have to run faster."

"Time has ran out, time for round two. This time I'll finish before time ends."

"There are no single girls left in this town. Time to look elsewhere."

"She said she has a boyfriend. Good for her. She said she is too busy, maybe I could help her with whatever causes her to be so busy."

"Maybe she'll say yes. If she doesn't at least I tried."

"This is the last chance I'll miss. Next time I won't just stand around doing nothing."

Try changing the mantra to this instead.

"Dom dom dom dah dah drum drum* "


* A random DJ beat

Good stuff.

"Maybe I should start listening to advice from guys instead of women, their advice might have some validity given they have experience in getting women, while women themselves have none"

Oooh fun -
"This means I am not like every other facile smooth-talking guy who plies their lines on her every day. My inexperience means I am different, genuine, I'm not just playing games for conquest."

"The fact that I don't drink or smoke means I am healthy and clean, where other guys reek of stale cigarettes and booze, don't respect their bodies or their health, and run the high possibility of making complete dickheads of themselves in front of women smashed off their faces. None of that applies to me."

"Time isn't running out. I'm still young - I'm just in a panic about this and freaking myself out."

"I convince myself that time has run out, so I don't have to give myself the shot I deserve. I'll work on this instead."

"There are millions of lonely, single girls out there waiting for a guy just like me. I have not met every woman alive."

"Some women have boyfriends, or are busy. These women are not those open to a relationship with me right now, because of those reasons. Logically, I need to look elsewhere. Logically, not everyone will want to be in a relationship with me, but that's ok."

"The kind of girl I want to be with would never talk to a genuine nice guy like that. If she talks to me that way, she's not the quality of woman I would be happy with and I need to find someone nicer instead of her."

"I missed a chance probably because I am always re-feeding myself lists like the first one. If I had more compassion for myself, I may have seized that chance instead of cutting off my proverbial legs. Next time, I'll know not to do this."

Not terrible.

Guys who get women I think are more adept at LEAST in making women think they are getting what they want. So I think advice from guys who succeed is certainly valuable.

Where I struggled was making the mistake of thinking that to take one man’s advice meant in effect either BEING that guy or somehow adapting his strategy 1-to-1 to my own personal style, rather than asking the question “WHY did that work for him?”

If it’s only about delivering what women want, you do better just asking women that very thing. The answer won’t be exactly the same, which is frustrating and gives the illusion that women are mysterious and unknowable. With persistence and patience, women will sooner or later tell you. Then it’s up to you whether you believe them.

Somewhere between getting advice from men and asking girls what they want is a balance of both that’s going to work for you.

So spill the beans and tell us what you found out about what they want.

Tell your "mind" to shove it LOL

It's telling you the wrong things.

I wish I was told these things in my developmental years rather than "God has a plan for you".



My therapist does tell me that I am not my thoughts and that I need to tell my mind something like "Thanks a lot. You just had to go and bring that up." instead of ruminating.



So lesbian and bisexual women have no experience with getting women?

Perhaps some may have different interests & personalities than straight women. It's kind of like how people tend to think of gay guys as very effeminate & what works for attracting an effeminate gay guy won't work for attracting a non effeminate straight guy.

So if I ever want advice in finding myself a man I should ignore what men say and ask advice from women who have been in relationships with men? Isn't that how it goes with your logic?

Personally, I'd just listen to both genders, think what advice might actually work in my situation and then try it out.

Same thing everyone wants: to feel important.

"Having the proper sexual organs is a prerequisite for any "love" to occur."

You all probably don't want much input from me if you're looking for feel-good relationship advice.

The other way around I am not sure about. But I do know that 95% of the "advice" I see women giving to men, is just profoundly unhelpful, and often creates more problems than it solves.

Alot of the female advice can be boiled down to having good manners and being nice, but this doesn't tell the guy anything about what creates attraction, which is usually the main problem, the problem is not about not being nice enough, so then the guy runs with it, fails, and becomes even more confused than he was to begin with. Eventually after some trail and error he starts figuring out that he can create attraction in ways that seem completely counter intuitive to what he thought before, and he starts getting success with it. He feels good about his newfound success and finally gets to enjoy kit kat regularily, but he can't help but feel somewhat bitter about the bad advice women had given to gim. He can't shake the urge to go on online dating forums to express his dissatisfaction with the false fairytale, and he starts writing posts like this one.