Trying to connect with people you work with

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JD
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31 May 2007, 4:29 pm

What opinions do you all have about trying to date people you work with? Is it worth trying, or is the unwritten rule that you don't date people you work with too difficult to overcome?



giaam
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31 May 2007, 4:35 pm

Its definately a personal decision; I would n't simply because I'd then see them after work and therefore would n't have much to look forward to, as it would be far too much for me to be around someone so much as I need time alone.


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the-over-analyzed
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31 May 2007, 4:35 pm

It depends how bad you need the job, and how long you both have been there. If one of you is like a temp or short-term worker, that's great go for it. Or if you don't mind quitting at any time, also great, go for it. but if you are both planning on working there for a long time and you don't want to have to quit, then I would think twice. Because if it ends in a messy breakup or an embarrassing situation of any type, then it could create problems at work.



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31 May 2007, 4:44 pm

the-over-analyzed wrote:
It depends how bad you need the job, and how long you both have been there. If one of you is like a temp or short-term worker, that's great go for it. Or if you don't mind quitting at any time, also great, go for it. but if you are both planning on working there for a long time and you don't want to have to quit, then I would think twice. Because if it ends in a messy breakup or an embarrassing situation of any type, then it could create problems at work.


Very true! I've probably dated more women from work than anywhere else, it's great at the start but it can really blowup in your face if you aren't careful. :(



alexbeetle
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31 May 2007, 4:45 pm

I don't like to mix the different parts of my life - work, family, friendships - keep them all separated as much as possible or else I get confused as to where I am and who is who


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31 May 2007, 4:51 pm

It is a personal decision but if there is a rule saying that you can't date other workers you're going to abide by it or your ass is going to be trashed.


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31 May 2007, 4:58 pm

JD wrote:
What opinions do you all have about trying to date people you work with? Is it worth trying, or is the unwritten rule that you don't date people you work with too difficult to overcome?
to me it doesn't matter whether I work with them or not, considering there is only one girl at work that I was ever interested in, my opinion is that if you want to date them then go ahead and try, it cannot hurt, and in case you are wondering, I did try to ask the girl I mentioned but she figured out what I was going to ask her and said no anyway, but we remained friends regardless :)

I think it was late last year (between September and November) when I did ask her, but it isn't all bad that she said no, I found my sweetheart in February this year :D :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:


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Aysmptotes
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31 May 2007, 5:45 pm

That's how I met my boyfriend. We both didn't really seem to like talking to other people and we both were very confused how this one guy could blatanly lie to everyone and everyone seemed to like him alot. So we had a lot to talk about. We also had alot in common I think he has AS too. But for me I don't socialize outside of work really so that is the only way I could find a date. haha. But if someon should date a coworker I think it would depend on the type of job. We both worked in retail so it really wasn't a big deal. Even though my manager interroaged me thinking that we knew each other before he started working and she thought we lied to her and such. And that whole conversation really freaked me out so I just froze and didn't say anything at all. And oddly enough that day was April Fools and we both consider that our aniversary. Haha.



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31 May 2007, 9:06 pm

All depends on a lot of factors.
I was hired by a woman who
seduced me into taking the
job once, got hired at the
same place that my wife
worked, and in most jobs
none of it really makes a
difference.



ZanneMarie
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31 May 2007, 9:43 pm

Every place I've worked has had rules about it, so check that out first. It's usually that you can't work in the same department, but departments can be huge and have secondary departments under them which makes it more complicated. Usually if it ends badly, one or both end up leaving. If you hang around this person too much at work, it will definitely cause you problems with your boss because he or she will think it is effecting your job performance.

Just be careful and think about all the consequences and how you should conduct yourself if you do in fact go that route. You may not particularly like this job, but never burn bridges.


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akanukem
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01 Jun 2007, 9:02 am

Usually the official rule at most places is that there isn't supposed to be fraternization amongst employees, ie your not supposed to date co workers. The unwritten rule of dating is your not supposed to with a co worker. They say it always leads to trouble. Now that being said, I am actually dating my boss, and everyone at work knows about it unofficially. The one thing that you have to keep in mind, and this is very difficult, is you can't let it affect your performance. Sometimes its really difficult and stressful, because the job is high stress and get focused on that instead of the relationship, which can cause a strain. But most of the time its pretty nice, get to spend more time with my girlfriend because I work with her, the downside is, when we are upset with each other there isn't any place to hide really. I would say that relationships at work are possible, it is difficult, but worth it if you really care about the other person. If things do move on to a more serious level, might want to transfer or find separate jobs because I can tell you, it really can but a strain on the relationship when things go wrong at work.



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01 Jun 2007, 9:22 am

My sister did it. Personally I think it is really something socially skilled people do. I mean they used to go round the block different ways before the met up after work. They have been selective in who they tell. I think it would be hard for an aspie to not let it show.

Besides do your really want to spend all day working with this person. Its a bit much. I don't even see how people would like to see the same people after work even just for friends. Then again I have to work alone.

I think you are seeing work as a social opportunity. Though I’m not sure everybody see it in the same way.



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01 Jun 2007, 9:48 am

The way i see it is, you are getting paid to do the job. So long as you do that, then matters of dating are no-one elses business.
Personally, i had a nightmare dating a fellow worker. The relationship turned sour, and i got accused of sexual harrassment. Don't let this put you off though: it hasn't put me off, but most probably i will never need to work again anway.



sweetpraline
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01 Jun 2007, 10:26 am

No, I would prefer to keep my love life separate from my work life. The people that I work with are too nosy and gossip too much. I don't want my co-workers in my personal business like that.



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03 Jun 2007, 7:30 am

Putting it simply: don't mix your personal life with your work life. Ever.

I'm only now just realising that to try and meld the two is invariably a horrible mistake. For one thing, if you get rejected or dumped, you'll have to see the person who rejected/dumped you every day, which could be pretty awkward/embarrassing/whatever.

And for another, the workplace is a simmering hotbed of gossip. If you don't want people talking behind your back, don't give them anymore of a reason to do so than you might usually (I know for a fact that everybody gets bitched about behind their backs at my office, for instance).


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calandale
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03 Jun 2007, 7:52 am

Kosmonaut wrote:
The way i see it is, you are getting paid to do the job. So long as you do that, then matters of dating are no-one elses business.


Unless you're banging them in the bosses office? :oops: