Why do i only attract girls I have no interest in?

Post Reply New Topic

And never the ones who I want, no matter how hard i try?

The latest case being a girl I knew back in school messaging me on facebook saying how much she used to secretly fancy me back then and trying to get me to say I felt the same when I really honestly didnt. Whats even worse is that I agreed to go and meet her for a drink to "catch up" before she started coming on too strong and flirting. Now literally every time I log on she messages me within 2 minutes asking when we're meeting. Its a real drag as I hate ignoring people but really I dont want to lead this girl on as I know shes been through a lot (abusive ex husband and messy divorce, plus both her parents died in a fire when she was a young girl), but I dont see any other option.

Why can I never attract someone I have even the smallest amount of interest in, and its not even just physically. The girls who seem to have an attraction to me are always polar opposites to me in taste (music, tv, hobbies etc). I just want someone who is like me in that respect, is that so hard? other people seem to manage it pretty easily. Ive been single for 2 years already and im getting pretty lonely, I just really dont want to end up settling for someone Ill be miserable with.

Weird thing is, whenever I do talk to girls I like, they either deny me outright or lead me on for a while (as was the case of another old school friend i was emailing for a few months, who i had literally fancied since I was 10) with all signs pointing to go, then suddenly and without warning make a complete U turn and nothing comes of it. Its enough to make me lose hope of ever finding another girlfriend. I really dont want to be put out to pasture before Im even 30 years old. This should be the romantic high point of my life, not the all time low it is now.

Guess Im just venting here but feel free to chip in with advice if you have any

You seem to suffer from something that most men I think seem to suffer from: having a s**t taste in women.

Face it.

use it as practice until you can be with the one you want? I cant say its good advice, just maybe something to think about. I have no relationship experience. Do have some experience in trying to woo girls and failing miserably. But they were all the wrong ones for me. Looking back at it, if I didnt write-off the few girls who did show interest, maybe I would have had a relationship by now. Nothing is permanent, plus maybe if you give some of these girls a chance you'll discover things you like about them that you didnt foresee. Just saying...again, i dont like to give advice but there is something to think about.

one more thing....i think it is true that we dont always get what we want but we always get what we need. Is that some song lyrics? I dont know where I got that from LOL.

Yeah, I have the same problem. I only seem to attract the crazy ones. The ones I would want to be around want nothing to do with me.

Your outer appearance and voice may come of different from your inner personality and perception. Try filming yourself to get an idea of how you come off, and maybe tune it to what you intend to look like. From seeing my own pictures or videos I often get disappointed, as anxiety or mood will often augment my image , and most people are very superficial.

This is why I'm so glad that the concept of ignoring people exists. I have the same problem with persistent people trying to speak to me all of the time. I ignore them. Eventually they get the hint and go away.

Why not, you know, just TELL them you're not interested? Not in a mean way of course. I know I dislike getting ignored and would rather just be told flat out if someone's not interested so I can move on, rather than having to wait and wonder if they're ignoring me because they're not interested, or if they are busy or something else.

To paraphrase some lyrics* of an old song...

If you can't be with the woman you want, then want the woman you're with.




*Lyrics: "Love the One You're With -- by Stephen Stills

yeah. for some reason I can get along with married women or women I don't find attractive.

Same here. Never the one I want, always the one I don't want to attract.

Join some sort of group to where you can meet girls with common interests. Commonality would endure where just initial attraction just might me a quick romp and that's it or just a disappointment. Don't feel bad when things don't work out. Think about it? Would you want a girl to stay out of pain/desperation or because she's afraid of being alone? What happens under these kinds of circumstances is that eventually the person heals or grows up within the years they are with you, and then they leave. You're not a medicine or a tonic! You're a human being with needs. Be patient. Another help: Read this book as should everyone on this website should: "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stoudt. This will keep you away from true pain. Also, don't be shocked when you find out that these women that you don't like are chasing a lot of guys not just you. If you're looking for a particular type fish, only cast your fishing line in a lake that has only a certain kind of fish - thus the common interest groups I mentioned earlier. You can avoid having to throw back so many fish. It's mean to you and mean to the fish. Best wishes. Hope it works.