Tragedy in childhood affecting affection

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I have nothing personal against females, but I am not a risk taker to begin with. Most of my attempts are forced attempts which I risk rejection. My mother abandoned me and three other kids to stay with my dad's best friend. This embedded in me a desire to seek a strong relationship that will last until I die. For example, I was very forward talking to this female, someone I could understand from their perspective even we are completely different. I would want a relationship because we could use each other for our strengths. This preceded fairly well until she decided things were too rushed. I had discussed plans for future marriage and my intentions, but maybe it came off wrong. As much as I wanted to patch it up, and explain that I can wait, that its no big deal just be my gf at least.. to no avail. This rejection also brings up my issue with my mother leaving my dad at an my 10's. If I try to be with her, I sense there might be a disconnection in the future. I'd risk a chance of ending up like my father. For me there is no stage one of - just be friends. I'm not about to go to 0 progress. Doesn't make sense. Well.... I think I have already made peace with it.

Or have I?

I worry that even though I am sure on my response to this issue I will never find a suitable companion that will take the time to know and understand me. Do you think I should search for a Aspy female? I was going with the idea that I should look for a person with the opposite personality type. I'm INTP. However it be very difficult to find both. I also have uncertain christian ties that hold me back as well. A subject I'm not so solid in anymore. I feel that I should seek a person with a christian tie but also an aspy..... hmmmmmmmmmm. I'll leave the subject up for ideas. Steer me as best as you can. Please??

Can I request that the reader read deeply into my words. I have a tendency to over simplify deep thought. Every word is important here.

I can't help but read this thinking, "This person has so much in common with me!".

One of the things that kind of sucks about dating is that you may not be so sure if your intentions match up. You could be serious and get into the mindset of, "I'm looking for a companion to spend the rest of my life with", while the other person could be nowhere near as invested in the relationship.

It sounds like that's what the case was with that other girl, unless you suggested this a couple weeks into seeing each other, or some other time ridiculously soon. There is a big difference between saying you want to in a relationship with the goal in mind being marriage and family, as opposed to saying you want to be specifically with that one person and have those some goals after hardly knowing each other. You're probably right in that there would be some disconnection if you tried to be with that particular girl again.

I think I get what you're saying. I'm not friends nor do I have contact with any of my exes at all. I don't see the whole "let's be friends" after a breakup to be a real possibility, at least for myself. I don't know if this helps, but I think almost everyone (past family trauma or not) worries if they're ever going to find a suitable companion. Don't go with someone just because you'll think that "nobody else will ever have me", though, or because you're afraid to let other people get to know you. That would almost definitely end horribly!

Part of the whole dating process is: figuring out what works, what doesn't work, and finding out that you like aspects of people that you were sure you were going to hate (and vice versa). I can't 100% say for sure that, "Yes, you should definitely date an Aspie girl", because everyone is different. Sure, they may relate with you a lot better than someone Neurotypical, but that doesn't mean it will always work. My ex-fiance was an Aspie, but he turned out to be a pretty horrible person who lied to me for most of our relationship.

I can't give too much advice or suggestions about "Christian ties", because I have a few different things I interpret from that. Are you referring to someone who's still active in their Christian religion, someone who left the church and you can identify with them because your ties are uncertain, or a girl who came from and left a Christian background but still stays true to certain moral principles from her former religion?

Sorry that this is so long! I hope I helped in some way.

I’m so sorry. That’s a horrible thing for a kid to go through. You might benefit from professional councilling.