I have no idea how to handle this situation.

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One of my friends that I knew back in Utah is moderate to severely autistic and struggles considerably with social aspects. I'm on the high-end of Asperger's and can understand struggling socially, but now things have gotten out of hand.

He has a massive one-sided crush on me. He keeps calling me things like, "beautiful lady" (even though I have asked him MULTIPLE times to stop doing that) or he keeps texting me and asking for pictures. I have been very clear and said specifically that I don't think of him at all in a romantic way. His response to that was asking me questions trying to "become" what I'm looking for in a guy.

I have had to mute him on my phone because of how often he texts me, but he starts insulting himself if I don't answer him immediately. I don't want to just straight up cut him off because his two former best friends abandoned him right after I left Utah. Sometimes, I honestly worry he'll hurt himself if I don't reply to him in time.

This whole thing has just been a serious emotional drain on me. What on earth do I do here?

Tell him you have a Boyfriend.

Or tell him you're lesbian.

Umm.....wait, maybe he will change sex if you tell him the latter.

That literally made me laugh out loud. Well done!

He's had a crush on me for a while now, even back when I was in a previous relationship. I'm going out on dates and I have an active online dating profile, but I know my friend still doesn't get the hints.

Just tell him you're going to have to cut him off if he doesn't stop it. Then if he doesn't, you won't feel bad doing it. Sometimes muting and ignoring these people isn't enough. Some autistic guy from years still messages me "Hi" every few weeks despite the fact I never ever respond. I want to say something but I don't want to seem hurtful. Though if you know them, it's a different story, it's easy to mute an internet person. You have to outline your boundaries, and if he doesn't leave you alone, minimise or stop contact with him. You don't owe this person anything. Were his friends girls? If so, it's probably why. He's not your responsibility, and you don't owe him anything. If it's making you annoyed and uncomfortable, do what's best for you.

If he gives you a giltrip, he's a manipulative jerk. Don't feel bad. If he hurts himself for that, he needs psychiatric help. The fact you are wrapped around his little finger is warning bells enough. Sometimes being "nice" doesn't work.
If you need psychiatric help because you feel like crap for hurting him, then no no no not good. We can't have you in that situation.

To be honest though, the reality is if you stop talking to him he probably will do something. Maybe you should try to talk to his parents or caregivers before backing off?

His former friends were both guys. I debated on whether or not to tell his mother about it since he still lives at home, but she doesn't always treat him very well and so that's left me hesitant. I'm honestly not sure if he'd be intellectually capable of purposefully manipulating somebody; I'd estimate that his IQ is probably about 80 or lower.

Your suggestion about warning him I think is a really good one, and I'm going to try that if he starts making me uncomfortable again. He'll listen every now and then when I tell him that he's messaging me too much, but then he goes into the pattern of messaging me every day again. I feel so bad for him because I honestly do think he just constantly forgets.

He probably just isn’t very intelligent. It’s a tricky situation, ideally I think it’s a good idea to cut him off but I don’t know how you would do it.

I was hoping I could say, "I'm busy" (which I genuinely have been) enough times to make him get bored of waiting for me, but that was before I realized that he had a crush on me. I can't stand just straight up ghosting people. I'm in a completely different state, trying to rebuild my life, and I certainly don't have time to be someone else's emotional crutch.

Have you told him that you only think of him as your friend, not as your future boyfriend? If you haven't, try to do so. Also let him know your reason of not considering him as your future boyfriend. Make sure you tell him honestly but not harshly.

I was being serious.

Yes, I said very specifically that I was only interested in him as a friend. That wasn't enough and he kept asking me why. I mentioned very clearly that he wasn't my type, then I said that I needed someone who could keep up with me intellectually when that wasn't a good enough answer for him. He knows he's not that intelligent.

I also encouraged him to look around to find someone else instead of me, since I was so far away. Even after all of that, he still kept saying things like, "will I be your type if I lose weight?" or "why do you like this kind of guy over me?". It's like he forgets everything I saw minutes after I say it.

It wouldn't have worked, anyhow, sadly. One of his former friends that abandoned him was my ex-fiance that I lived with for a while (who was a guy). So he knows already that I'm straight.

I don’t know why you bother to be honest. That would annoy me to the point where I’d block them. It’s kinder to let him go in the long run. Maybe change your number and ‘forget’ to say anything. Is he only bothering you on your phone? You’re way more tolerant than me. It’s not like you’re ghosting him, you told him you’re not interested and he’s still harassing you. Is there any autism support meetup you could go to for advice?

Does he do it less if you don’t answer the texts? At all?

This is an interesting area. If he is severely autistic, it might be worth asking the same question in a different area of these forums, the Parents' Discussion for example (here, the parents of significantly autistic children and young adults might have some alternate advice)?

I don't have any experience here, so my opinion (and take it as just that) is that he's taken a fixation to you which is unlikely to go until he finds something (or someone ) else to fixate on. It is difficult to determine how much support he gets at home (either outside help or local government help), but unfortunately in such areas you are just considered a 'third party', and especially if you are currently in a different state I'm not sure you can provide any direct help (i.e. directly referring him to agencies or services). If his mother isn't particularly helpful or responsive, can you contact his carers? They might be able to help.

Just because he has a low IQ, don't think he doesn't know how to manipulate people. I've been emotionally manipulated by a two and a half year old, and she couldn't even count to five! So I don't think he forgets, I just think that he likes the feeling of contact (he knows -or thinks- that you'll at least read what he has to say). Anyway, you have to decide what you want from your relationship with him and what he wants from his relationship with you. It doesn't sound like they match, so prolonging it (at least in it's current state, and I think this includes just ignoring him) is probably in neither of your interests.

Eat too much garlic.


Then attempt to kiss him.

Sounds creepish. Ghost him.