Do people even want me to have a girlfriend?

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I get the feeling most people don't want me to have a girlfriend. Whenever I am told things like "You don't need a girlfriend!" or "Women are trouble! Count yourself lucky!", that feeling is only reinforced. It's very painful and unfair to be told these things. Just because I fell behind in social skills doesn't mean I am undeserving of love but why do so many think I shouldn't be allowed to have it?

Most people probably don’t even think or have feelings about your relationship status. Saying people don’t need relationships is just your generic “Be happy with who you are” stuff that’s thrown around to everyone. It’s not socially acceptable to say “You need a girlfriend”, so why would people say it?

It really is not personal.

^ “You need a girlfriend” and “You need to get laid” (to male) - are VERY common jokes/trolling and therefore socially acceptable.
You hear a lot of men AND women throwing those at guys.

It’s the “you need a boyfriend” or “you need to get laid” (to female) which seem not socially acceptable at all. You never hear women AND men saying those to women.

Again, don’t confuse between the two genders perspectives in life they are entirely two different worlds.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Feb 2018, 6:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yeah, as jokes. You never see a guy sit down another guy and say seriously “look, I’m worried about you, you need a girlfriend”. No one ever says that because it’s unhealthy and not really normal. It’s completely normal to seriously suggest that you don’t need one.

Duh....pppiishh.. who told you so? Were you ever been in a guys-only setting? I think not.

I am constantly told by guys that it’s time to get married, that I have to marry soon.

Anyway guys rarely seriously talk about these stuff, but those “jokes” aren’t always jokes.


Look hale_bopp, every time when you reply to a male OP, try to imagine first to be in his shoes and ask yourself “does what I say apply on men?”.

Guys who are in unhappy relationship often tell me so.

Bla bla bla. I don’t know, most of my life? I mix in gamer circles, did an IT degree and worked for 10 years in video game development. Yep, 95% males. The fact they burp in my face and objectify women in front of me really says they’re not treading delicately around the vagina.

I’m not interested in arguing with you anymore, you come here looking to pick fights with women. The whole us against the vaginas attitude is so stupid and tiring. A lot of things apply to humans, not genders.

The fact remains, these people probably don’t actually care about his relationship status. There is no reason on the planet he should take those comments seriously or personally.

I'll gladly break the norms.

Don't get married boo.

When a guy can't get into a relationship. The problem is himself. Everyone around him says that he should do something about it. It's his job to fix the situation.

When a girl can't get into a relationship. The problem is circumstance. She can't do anything about it, because according to NT dating rules she can't ask someone out. In this situation people are concerned, however they will not say anything, because (according to NT dating rules) nothing can be done about it.

Exept few asexuals and aromantics, all people need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Hmm but don’t women ever been told to improve their looks to be more asked out?

So, as a married man, what do you think about marriage?

To the OP: Like hale_bopp pointed out, those texts are just generic "be happy the way you are" slogans, nothing deeper or more personal.
By the way, when people tell you these? Out of the blue? Like an old aunt comes for Christmas and says "Oh, you should get married!" for hallo?
Or do people say it to you after you complain to them about not having a girlfriend?

In my personal experience, they say it out of the blue - I didn’t tell anyone irl about my dating struggles.

I don't know how it is where you live but where I live, people just say "you should find a spouse" to any unmarried relatives of a certain age. I remember an American girl who got these remarks daily when she was in Russia. It really depends on the local culture.
I think "you should get married" and "you should get laid" are fundamentally different kinds of remark.

Anyway, I was asking the OP, not you.

You don’t know because you have a spouse if I am not mistaken?

It happens often when you are sitting with people who are all married and talking about their families; then they realize you’re the only unmarried single.

Russia is certainly closer to the culture where I live than the west.

“You should get married” may also be used as the eastern or more conservative equivalent of “you should get laid”.

Did you notice that you draw the attention from the OP to yourself? I was asking him about the circumstances of the quoted remarks.

btw, "being the only..." is always hard, no matter if with or without family. Most of my friends are childless and we rarely can hang out together. It's just about being incompatibile to the majority.

That doesn’t make sense, Marknis.

Why would somebody NOT want you to have a girlfriend—unless that person is some kind of nut.

I would like it if you had a girlfriend.

What people are saying—is that getting a girlfriend SHOULDN’T BE YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.