Women have to deal with "too nice" syndrom too

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This is not just a male problem. People (mostly NTs but some Aspies too) seem to be hardwired to need some sort of chase or challenge romantically from the person they're interested in, in order to stay interested and fall in love. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me, but I've observed it (and been directly affected by it) enough to know it's true. It doesn't matter what you look like or what the other person looks like, if you're too nice and accommodating, they lose interest no matter what gender you are.

I've had multiple guy friends tell me how great I am because I'm not needy, bitchy, and high maintenance like most women. They say any guy would love to be with a girl like me. BS! The guys I date end up losing interest and can't get over their ex girlfriends who treated them like dog crap. The guys I like, don't like me back. They end up with women who try and change everything about them and make their lives miserable, yet they crawl after them and pawn over them like they were the best thing that ever happened to them. And to set the record straight, it's not that I'm unattractive or crazy. I have no problem attracting guys. The problem seems to be that I'm too nice.

So this is not an issue that only male Aspies have to deal with. Us girls don't exactly have it easy in the romance dept. either.

I found that post quite informative. Although aloof and weird have been my problems more so than being too nice. I hope all of the people having these issues can find the solution.

No s**t? I mean, nearly every relationship
that I've been in has been with what would
probably be considered 'low-maintenance'
women, so I wouldn't have a clue. Yeah,
I had one with a girl who was evil in many
ways, and there were things that I missed
about her (she was the best in bed that I've
had - mainly because she was as much of
a pervert as I am), but there's no way that
I would have traded the loving and pretty
no-nonsense relationship that I had with
my wife for something like that.

[quote="Spot17"]"This is not just a male problem. People (mostly NTs but some Aspies too) seem to be hardwired to need some sort of chase or challenge romantically from the person they're interested in, in order to stay interested and fall in love. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me, but I've observed it (and been directly affected by it) enough to know it's true. It doesn't matter what you look like or what the other person looks like, if you're too nice and accommodating, they lose interest no matter what gender you are."

"I've had multiple guy friends tell me how great I am because I'm not needy, bitchy, and high maintenance like most women. They say any guy would love to be with a girl like me. BS! The guys I date end up losing interest and can't get over their ex girlfriends who treated them like dog crap. The guys I like, don't like me back. They end up with women who try and change everything about them and make their lives miserable, yet they crawl after them and pawn over them like they were the best thing that ever happened to them. And to set the record straight, it's not that I'm unattractive or crazy. I have no problem attracting guys. The problem seems to be that I'm too nice. "[quote="Spot17"]

Yoshie: Spot, don't worry about the past. I'm sure people will respect you for who you are. I certainly wouldn't want a challenge when it would come to finding and dating a girl. I think the fact is, if you want to keep a relationship, you have to start slow. If you start slow, then the two of you wouldn't lose interest. In fact, the relationship would grow. Again, I would never date someone who wouldn't treat me the way I would want to be treated. If you are truly the way that your friends tell you, and I'm certain you are, then I would date you and stay with you. If I say that, then I'm sure other men would say that as well. I say take a chance and start dating one of your male friends. You're a nice girl and that is a gift!

Last edited by Yoshie777 on 28 May 2007, 8:55 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Seems to me you area dream!! !

I want someone who is low-maintenance, and not superficial.

Tim

Thank you. Would you mind telling that to the last loser I dated?

Oh, no, I think he is a nightmare!! !

I'm sorry, Spot. I messed up when I was posting. I put my opinion within your quote by mistake. I fixed it so that you wouldn't get confused.

Are you serious? I guess 90% of the male population really is ret*d!

Unfortunately, I'd have to say that 90% of the entire population (male and female) is ret*d. I have male and female friends who this has happened to.

There was an artical about a study on the brains of 17 couples who were "madly in love" in the journal of neurophysiology. The research team found support that 1: Early stage, intense romantic love deals with subcortical reward regions rich with Dopamine and 2: romantic love engages brain systems associated with motivation to acquire a reward.

I found this in a book called Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships(I would highly recommend it).

Spot17: I didn't want to give that impression, not trying to say who hsas it worse. That whole being too nice thing sucksk, regardless.

No, diidn't read the entirety of your post....made my eyes hurt. mowt things do right now. That being said, it isn't something as simple as one "groiup," many of us have to deal with it. And that is hwat sucks. If anything, it isn't an isolated hting? You aren't alone? Not that it really helps..., but I ghuess that
's something.

I wasn't trying to single you out. I saw the other thread and all the "women are evil" posts and figured I should point out that men can be just as evil too. Unfortunately it seems to be that "most people suck" instead of "most women suck".



I'm not surprised. I've got a book on evolutionary psychology called The Moral Animal that goes into the evolutionary reasons for why courtship is such a messed up process. The problem is that evolution is a slow process that can't keep up with humanity's constantly changing environment. The majority of our "rituals" no longer make sense outside of the hunter/gatherer environment they developed in.

Ok, are you guys saying that I'm ret*d? My typo was an accident! That's all! For that, I'm sorry! I'm just trying to help!