When both partners have Asperger’s

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What is your experience dating someone with Asperger’s? All of my past boyfriends have had Asperger’s, and it’s difficult to make conversation sometimes, but they’re also not very judgmental, which is a good thing.

My 2nd girlfriend & current are both on the spectrum. I both found communicating with them easier than with NTs & I felt like they understood me better than NTs but some of that could be unrelated to Aspergers. They are very different in some ways thou. The relationship with my 2nd girlfriend was kind of one-sided(her side) & she wanted space & independence. But with my current girlfriend the realtionship is alot more equal & she's kind of clingy & needy which I like cuz I'm even worse than her with it.

The compatibility would probably be good but there would be a huge risk of poverty and having an autistic child I quess.

Me & my girlfriend both have other disabilities(physical & mental 1s) besides autism that prevent us from working. I don't think autism is really a factor with that thou. I did list it in my SSI application & latter SSDI & SSDI reviews thou. We are in poverty but we get by OK with government assistance so it works. I never wanted a child partly cuz I didn't want to pass my issues on & I didn't really want to adopt or anything cuz of my issues dealing with kids. My girlfriend wants a kid & entered a serious realtionship with me knowing I did not want one & agreed to compromise on that issue. She also agrees that she would have problems raising a kid because of her issues. We have pets & she can barely take care of them sometimes. She's on birth control so our relationship works.

Poverty?

My partner and I are both on the spectrum.
We don't live in poverty, far from it.
We do have an autistic child, who is freaking brilliant.

From what I've read on this forum, autistics tend to have a harder time finding jobs(or finding decent jobs) compared to NTs & we are also more likely to be too disabled by how we are affected or our comorbids to work.

Never tried a mutually aspie relationship. Is it fun?

My experience was really bad.

Since I do very little talking - she would frequently take offence and accuse me of trying to make her angry, of being silent just to start arguments, etc. Whenever I did say something, she would throw it back in my face and treat me as though my words were idiotic and meaningless. Which of course led to me becoming even more non-verbal ...

She would openly ridicule me in front of her family and friends.

I spent a lot of my energy trying to help and comfort her, since she would meltdown whenever things weren't going her way. She took out a lot of her anger against me. I honestly thought it was a good idea to let her do that, for me to be a (metaphorical) punching bag. I just wanted her to feel better about whatever was bothering her.

The problem, however, was that my kindness was not returned. Basically, she had no concern for my feelings. I was going through a really rough time and, well, her response was hostile and uncaring.

I've been through a lot of bad things in my life. But that experience left me feeling more dehumanised than anything else - to the point that for years after I could not talk to other people.


I do not want anyone to think that all ASD relationships will end up like mine, or that all ASD people, male or female, will behave in this manner. But I am unconvinced that ASD-ASD will work better than ASD-NT simply because they have the same condition. ASD people are supposed to be less judgemental and more understanding? - my experience seems to disprove that idea.

I had NEVER felt Love until I met my former fiancee (an Aspie). She was magical and I never understood why I felt so connected to her. Unfortunately I didn't know that I was on the spectrum, she felt I was intentionally mentally abusing her.
I didn't understand how she could feel that because I Loved her so completely. I have now learned my Meltdowns and the way we communicated were used by her friends to convince her of the abuse. It was the most wonderful experience and I've learned so much about myself because of it.
I miss having happiness, safety, and Love, all things I'd never gotten from another person before. I pray to have that again some day and hopefully with her. It was AMAZING!! !! !

I may have been in a relationship with an Aspie, although no diagnosis for either person. BTW I am 95% certain that her father had AS, but neither of her younger sisters.

I guess the big problems were:
a.) Expressing mutual feelings at the emotional level (she seemed only able to express then in terms of physical sensations).
b.) Lack of connection of sexual urges to emotions.
c.) Lack of independence from parents.
d.) Reduced sense of commitment to the notion of sexual fidelity.
e.) Disapproval of the relationship from others in one's life, due to the perception that your partner is "abnormal".

I've never officially dated anyone on the spectrum although I've had guys with AS/autism interested in me before and it didn't go well. I got to know them a bit and they seemed like very sweet guys, but didn't feel like I shared any common interests with them, therefore didn't really develop a connection(they like technology and gaming whereas I'm more of an active, sporty person who can't sit for long periods of time). I got my space invaded many times(even after telling them I didn't like it). One guy bombed me with endless text messages after I didn't reply to his first message within 15 mins(my phone had died and I left it on the charger!!). I had another ask a lot of really inappropriate, off colour questions and he wouldn't leave even after I told him I had to go.

As someone on the spectrum who is introverted, needs alone time, doesn't like physical contact with most people, and hates others getting too clingy, I didn't find those guys in particular to be a good match. I date both men/women but have not met a lot of other women on the spectrum.

I think it can work if the interests were similar and personalities didn't clash, depends on the people. For me it just couldn't work out. I'm currently in a happy relationship with one of my NT best friends who treats me well, understands me, is patient, and gives me space when I need it.