Dont Know What to Do.........

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K... So I have this roommate who thinks he's in love with me.......

I'm not interested in him and have told him so on several occasions; to which, he just responds "I'm just kidding with you... I'm like this with all my female friends"

I think he's lying and I keep telling him I don't appreciate all these joking innuendos he gives me.... Like he'll joke that I need to get laid and that he wouldn't mind doing me the favor.........

He's really really encroaching on my last nerve. We've been fighting daily over so many things I dont want to get into..... But during our last huge fight, just before the weekend... He yelled at me that the only reason he puts up with my BS is cause he "loves" me....

I didn't know what to say so i said the meanest thing possible........ that he didnt love me and wouldn't have the faintest clue how to do so.... that i'm not going to change (as in i dont return the sentiments) and he can leave for all i care........

i really wouldnt care if i werent in such dire financial straits currently.... i never would have gotten a roommate in the first place if i could have afforded the rent (after my last relationship ended).

i havent seen him much this weekend.... once yesterday.... and he was being as childish as ever. i was playing WoW when he came in and he was like "So I spent all day at the [nude] hotsprings with this girl... she's coming in and we're gonna watch movies"... i wouldnt really care at all if he had a) given me warning--i wanted to crack out on WoW and teamspeak with my friends... which is slightly embarassing in front of ppl cause it's uber nerdie; plus it's hard to hear with guests over b) the fact that these hotsprings are nude and he only mentioned it to me to try and make me jealous cause he's been trying forever-and-a-day to get me naked and in the exact same hotsprings with him... he's been rubbing this kind of crap in my face lately... all these fun things he does with hot chicks and that he'd rather do them with me or that i should go with him to all these fun things.....

it's really stressful..... i dont want to be mean to him.... im trying to finish writing up stuff (my MS thesis).... and on top of all of this.... he's going thorugh my room and taking stuff and doing all sorts of other disrespectful things.... i have been living in my lab cause i just cant bring myself to go home.

i think he may be moving out on his own soon... which would really suck for me in some respsects (i really have no money) but i'm hoping that he kinda does.... as i'm leaving here the beginning of august...

i think that's another thing that's pissin him off cause he knows im leaving......

all this passive agressive BS is getting under my skin... and it's affecting my mood.... it's really hard to write when you just plain feel sh***y and oppressed.

I know what you mean. I'm not very good at being assertive myself. I mean, if I'm pushed hard enough I can muster a bit of force, but this only offers an initial deterrence. Plus, in your case, 'love' is hard to get rid of without confronting it directly and decisively. But the only way to overcome oppression is aggression - if it's really such a problem, then sit him down, voice your opinion and put a full stop on it. If he persists, then you now have the right to tell him to eff off and not feel guilty.

I'm not sure if this has been of any use as I am half awake/asleep. I wish you the best though.

P.S. Be proud of WoW nerdiness!

Ugh...I hate that guy. I don't even know him and I already want to punch him in the face.

Sigh, sounds like another person who doesn't know how to respect a woman's boundaries. What bothers me is that he used a "love" excuse. I can understand why you would be VERY creeped out by a guy like that. I wouldn't have put up with him for one week, but I understand your situation. I think its for your own good that you both move on and get away from all that before the situation deepens.

Ugh, what nerve. If he really "acts that way towards his female friends," then I'm finding it quite a surprise that he still has female friends. He's just going to have to accept the fact that he's being rejected.

Just keep on rejecting. If he still pursues, then perhaps someone helping you sort it out with him would be a good option?

Damn that sucks. I hate just living with
others, and I've got my roommate so
cowed that he hides in his room (it would
be one of us doing so anyway).

I'd pretty much blow up at this freak.

What about getting a female roommate?

Tim

I almost forgot to reply here!

I have been in a remarkably similar situation, minus the persistent nude hotsprings invitations.

You must continue to be firm. They don't even understand a straight no. So you have to say it over and over, and then perhaps even sever contact.

I get the impression that my old roommate still harbors a grudge over the whole unrequited love business. It was several years ago.

No need to feel guilty (although if you're like me you will anyhow). You're totally in the right on this issue. I really hope the dude moves out.

I just got out of a similar situation, and I'm glad I did. I lived with a gay guy, and recently got a female living with me too. The gay guy would say things like how I looked in certain clothes or whatever, knowing I wasn't gay. Now that he's moved out, I'm much happier with just the girl.

Sorry to say, but I think the only solution is for someone to leave.

Wow is fine though. If someone asks who you're talking to, you can tell them you're talking to that troll, the cow, and the zombie on your screen.

im hoping i can just last it out........

my TA position is about to end so the uni isn't gonna pay me anymore. i had to get a summer parttime job last week just to be able to pay my 1/2 of the rent... so if he leaves... then i dont know what to do. i cant work full time cause i gotta write.


people just amaze me though.

thanks for all the pep talking

Disclaimer: I can only theorize, because I have never been pursued so fervently, and all any woman ever needed to say to get rid of me was to tell that this is what she wanted. For anything beyond that, I have to make guesses based on what I have read.

After the disclaimer, the theory. I read that one way in which many people quite committed to a relationship test their partner's commitment is by flirting with someone else. If the partner is committed, he/she will respond with jealousy (I don't know whether that testing is even a conscious strategy). The normal wiring of the human brain says that if there is no jealousy, there is no commitment on the part of the one who witnesses the flirting.

My suggestion is that you might use this principle for the opposite purpose, by being extremely pleased for your roommate whenever he is trying to make you jealous by mentioning other girls. If you want to take it a step further and if you have common acquaintances, you could suggest to some of them that your roommate is looking for a girlfriend, and could they set him up with a blind date? Even if they don't, their mentioning it to your roommate should show that you want him with someone else, and perhaps that will get through to his subconscious.

I see two risks to this strategy. One is that the blind date thing could offend him if he thinks it makes him look like a wimp. The other is that if he is not after a long term relationship but after easy sex, he would be pleased at lack of jealousy. This only has a chance of working if you know he is after something long term.



If it was me, I would start to find that creepy. And reasoning on the principle that there is absolutely nothing too stupid to be believed, some of the rapists who excuse themselves by saying "but she wanted it" probably do believe that. The combination of wilful ignorance and wishful thinking can compete with outright evil on equal terms. When he goes through your room he behaves as if you were much closer than you really are. Do you think he believes that? If this guy is in the process of persuading himself that he is halfway to where he wants to be and just has to try harder to succeed, you could be in trouble. And if that is so, then the last few days before you leave will be the most risky. I suggest you tell him a date for your leaving several days after when you really want to leave.

I hope I am being needlessly alarmist. The risk assessment is again based on theory.

Gromit

Gromit - we're just talking
roomates here, not some
romantic attachment.

Should I read anything into the fact that this was posted in the "Love and Dating" section, when it's much more of a Haven or Members Discussion issue? I'm probably reading too much into that -- just wondered if it had subconcious implications.

He is showing interest.
That's reason enough.
Plus, the haven protects
people, and perhaps she
wanted some truth, rather
than mere sugar-coated
sympathy?

he went through my room to get money for pot or something.......... i have seen this kid smoke an 1/8 in a single day.

i had a 24 pack of mirror pond for a (failed) memorial day BBQ.... came home the other day and it was all gone! i had had 2 beers..................... they all went to the hot springs with him and his naked chicks.

i come home from work (like 11pmish-) all the time and my kitty cat is always outside.... he never lets her in.... and i've told him i dont like her to go out at night

crap like this and a million other things.........

he knows im not interested in him.... and up until he blabbed out (for god knows why) that he "loved" me...... it's never been an issue... though me telling him to stop with his jokes HAS been an issue.

he's just always trying to push the envelope cause he thinks he knows what would be good for me or that i would want.....

he cant fathom why i want to work and not date him.

This man is an as*hole. He just wants tail. Throw him out.