Too Many Excuses?

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I've been talking to a woman and we were going to go get dinner on Wednesday. Then she cancelled on me because she couldn't find a babysitter. Understandable. We made plans to get lunch yesterday instead but then she cancelled on me because her boss surprised her with an unplanned meeting. Annoying but still understandable. We were going to get lunch today but then cancelled on me because she has to pick her son up from school. Understandable but that makes three days in a row. I'm starting to wonder if she's doing this on purpose because she doesn't really want to meet me. What do you guys think?

I'd suggest that you both stop trying to meet for lunch, or near the start or end of her workday (or pickup/dropoff times for her son.) It's entirely possible that she is regularly jerked around at work, and that it has nothing to do with pre-existing plans.

To give an example - I worked for years in an organization that liked to have lots of meetings because it concealed the fact that most people there were not actually doing anything. They scheduled lunchtime meetings at the drop of a hat, and it seemed as though anyone with a Dr's appointment during the workday suddenly found a meeting scheduled that conflicted with that.

Some workplaces are very invasive and demanding. Plus, being a single mother is always going to be a juggling act, and the child absolutely has to come first - that's just a fact of life.

You might try asking her what days of the week / time of day is best for her schedule, and see if there's anything you can do in that time window. A quick meetup for coffee, somewhere near where she lives, might be ideal. If she really wants to see you, she'll invest some thought into that and try to work with you to work things out.

It may well be that she's frazzled and tired, therefore happy for things to stay as they are, for now. That's OK, it's not a judgement on you - and it could improve fairly quickly, so the most important thing is to be supportive and non-pressuring. The kinder you are, if she's on the level and your kindness is sincere, the more appealing you become over time.

Wishing you luck and happiness too.

Yeah I know she's probably telling the truth but it's really frustrating. Every time I fine a girl who actually seems to like me there's always something. She's a liar or she's schizophrenic or she's obnoxiously loud or she has no time for dating (in which case why are you even on a dating site?). Why can't I just find a good woman who isn't going to screw me over in one way or another?

Part of the problem is that life is screwing all of us over, male and female, adult and child, and we're all caught in it, and it's worse now that it has been in 50 years.

It sucks, I know. The most reliable way to "beat the odds" on that is to try to work together to beat them, and that's not easy until you *are* together.

I hear you, and I wish I had an easy solution for you.

(PS, if she's on the level and interested in you, I bet she's frustrated too. I bet she's had guys drop her like a hot rock because she has to cancel things; she may be feeling as bad about that as you are feeling about what you've been dealing with. Try short meetups. Coffee and donuts, whatever.)

Stop immediatey initiating plans with her; the ball is in her court now, she would initiate if she is interested.

If you don’t feel to give her the impression that you lost impression, tell her something along the lines: “Ok, It seems I am picking the wrong times for you; I will leave it to you to suggest the time and place, that if you are really interested. Have a nice day.”

It’s very important to say “that if you are really interested” part to make her understand that you are suspecting her interest now - if she really likes you she would be panicked from losing you and would suggest something quickly. If you hear nothing back then it means she was a liar.

Remember, women get TONS of advances from guys on dating sites, at least 200 times than you- so it’s very possible she’s cancelling last minutr to date hotter suitors first - you may be on queue.

Boo is bang on: if she is interested, she will suggest an alternate time. I learned the hard way to never make plans more than twice. If someone keeps putting you off, there is usually a reason for it. She may or may not be telling the truth but it is irrelevant: you made the plans, it didn't work for her so now it is her turn. This applies to ANY situation, not just dating.

Sweetleaf, that's the email associated to my female fake profile:





Totally empty profile:




But I know what you are going to say, you will say that the girl in pic is attractive.

Hence why I am going to challenge you in a dedicated thread for that, Venus Warrior, I will create a new fake female profile with a no pic and insane words, and USA as location, and I am going to show you that she will still receive TONS of messages.

Wait for me in the arena, Venus Warrior, my victory is guaranteed!