I am obsessing with someone needs to stop suicidal thoughts

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Hi all. I started school back in September and over the last few weeks I have developed an obsession with one of my classmates. I want to point out first before I begin that I believe I suffer from OCD, though have never actually been diagnosed with OCD. I do have many intrusive thoughts though. I am studying nursing and out of a class total of around 45 students, only 8 of us are male. When we first started school I did meet this particular woman but we did not pay much attention to each other. I noticed through a facebook group we are all apart of that she has a boyfriend. Around a month into the program she started interacting with me a lot more. I also noticed that I am also the only one of the male students who she interacts with. We're we study is actually an extremely high end retirement home that is associated with the college we are attending. At the end of October we were assigned resident's that we had to visit, and when we were going to go up she decided to wait for me before going up together. I thought it was a bit odd because we had not interacted much before. A run up to this is she would ask me a lot of questions about our assignments. Recently she waits for me a lot and interacts with me a lot. When I go p the stairs to go to class, she will follow me up. She has done this a few times . Unfortunately do the fact that she has a boyfriend I know she can't be interested in my romantically which makes me confused why she is being so nice out me but I don't see her interact with the other guys in our class. This has led me to fall for her and become a little obsessed always thinking about her and stuff like that. I wish it could stop because when I am in her presence I feel sick to my stomach but also try to act normally because I don't want to act weird around her. Please help me as this is causing me to become depressed. I need serious advice from anyone who may have been in a similar position. I do want her as a friend, but I also want her out of my head totally.

Ever consider asking her out? NOT a marriage proposal, just the two of you going out and having fun.

I suspect the bf is soon to be no more and you could be all it takes to push him over the line. I don’t want to give you the false hope of a relationship, but it never hurts to see. You just never know.

If it works, beware that she could just as easily pull the same stunt on you. The less you’re caught off-guard, the easier it is to handle rejection, breakups, and other negatives that are all part of the relationship process.

No it never crossed my mind to ask out someone who has a boyfriend. I have also never been in a relationship and she is absolutely gorgeous; I know that having barely any friends and not having a relationship before would be a major red flag for her and I am just not good enough for her. And besides, they may also live together.

Think of it as a test.

Don’t advertise your lack of experience. Experience is irrelevant. We are all inexperienced at some point, so best not to bring it up in conversation. Take her out to lunch or dinner, something casual. It’s a test to see just how serious this bf thing is. You don’t have to “steal” her if it feels wrong. But in my experience, a girl who CAN be “stolen” never really belonged to the guy in the first place.

Btw, I can think of 4 girls I was involved with who were with another guy...and two of those were engaged. Three of those broke up, and as far as I know the other never married. Boyfriends and girlfriends are fluid and sometimes even volatile. You are right to respect boundaries. Just understand that occasionally the boundaries can shift. I suspect this particular boundary wants to be tested.

I could be wrong, but I think your situation is interesting. Let us know how things go or if things change.

Oh, and nobody is EVER truly “good enough” for someone. Don’t worry about that.

And don’t freak out if she rejects you or throws her status in your face. This is exploration—getting to know her better. It’s NOT a long-term commitment or an attempt to get her in the sack. We’re not “falling in love” here. We’re only open to the possibility. It might even be better if you DO get rejected because that will ease the tension and help you feel a bit better. If it DOES turn into something more, you REALLY WILL feel better! So just see what happens.

So just tell me are there signs here or is she just being friendly. I have a habit of misinterpreting people who are being friendly when I think they want something more.

Can’t tell you because I don’t know for sure. I’m suggesting you find out for yourself.

I’m bad at knowing the signs, too. What you said about her waiting for you and so on...that concerns me a little. Ask her out and she’ll have to make her intentions more obvious. If it works out, GREAT. If not...meh, you don’t really lose anything. Either way, it’ll certainly put your obsessive feelings to rest.

I also suspect that your feelings are really just you crushing on her and you’ve never known for sure what that felt like. I absolutely hate that feeling, but been there, done that. I wonder if her fraternizing with you doesn’t have something to do with her picking up the crush-vibes from you and responding positively to it.

All speculation, of course. I don’t KNOW how much if any of this is correct. Keep your emotions in check, ask her to hang out sometime outside class, and see what happens. Maybe something. If nothing, then you still don’t lose anything.

The risk/benefit analysis works in your favor here.

I would err on the side of just being friendly. She has a boyfriend. Stop looking at her as a potential partner and start looking at her as a friend. Like Rho said, maybe ask her to hang out outside of class. She's obviously interested in you on some level but from what you've said I think it would be irresponsible to assume it to be a platonic or romantic interest. And don't be upset if it's a platonic interest, that can have plenty of it's own benefits (and imo is the better case scenario considering she has a boyfriend already).

Ok, better answer, using your own words:

we were assigned resident's that we had to visit, and when we were going to go up she decided to wait for me before going up together. I thought it was a bit odd because we had not interacted much before. A run up to this is she would ask me a lot of questions about our assignments. Recently she waits for me a lot and interacts with me a lot. When I go p the stairs to go to class, she will follow me up. She has done this a few times . Unfortunately do the fact that she has a ...

Aaaaand I forgot that you as good as admitted to crushing on her.

I struggle with the friendly vs more than friendly thing, too. Which is why testing the waters is a GOOD thing. You have to find this out on your own. Go for it. Remember, keep it easy and casual. If things go well, you can always ask for more later. Best wishes!

I agree with most of this post. I just have doubts as to exactly how much boyfriend she actually has. If it were me, I’d be eager to find out one way or the other.

Also I might add that neither her mother or sister have her boyfriend as a facebook friend; and vice versa none of his family have her as a facebook friend. Don't know if this is telling or not.

That’s interesting, isn’t it?

Personally, though, I wouldn’t bother getting excited about that. It could mean something, it could mean nothing.

Something else to consider: sometimes girls will say they have a bf to scare off the creeps. I’m not crazy about lies, but that kind of thing is relatively harmless. It could mean something, it could mean nothing. Maybe you ARE the bf.

Don’t get your hopes up. Keep a tight lid on your emotions. I don’t mean act like a robot, I just mean don’t get hyper-excited, lose your head, and get unnecessarily hurt over it. Find out for yourself. This could be good. If not, then you don’t really have anything to worry about, right? I’m curious as to how much bf she really has.

Well I know for sure she has a boyfriend. I sent her a facebook friend request; we'll see how things go.

Well she accepted my request within like 2 minutes of me sending it lol.

Congrats! looks like you have a new friend

Rrrrrriiiiiiiiight.... That’s not helping me take the bf thing any more seriously.

Ok, how did you confirm she has a bf? Something on her FB? Or did you ask?

My rule or thumb is never, EVER ask. Especially when you don’t really want the answer.

Scenario 1
Me: do you have a bf?
Her: yes.
Me: DAMMIT!! !

Scenario 2a
Me: you wanna go out? I know a place.
Her: sure! Sounds fun!
Me: great! I’ll pick you up at 5:30

Scenario 2b
Me: you wanna go out? I know a place.
Her: I don’t think my bf would like that.
Me: DAMMIT!! !

Scenario 2c
Me: you wanna go out? I know a place.
Her: I don’t think my bf would like that.
Me: oh, you have a bf? Oh...well of COURSE you do! Bring him along. I’d like to meet him.

Scenario 2d
Me: you wanna go out? I know a place.
Her: I don’t think my bf would like that.
Me: uh huh...now, what does your bf have to do with me? Look, I just think it would be cool to talk, get to know you a little better. You don’t have to go back to my place or anything. We’re just friends!
Her: ok

Scenario 2e
Scenario 2d
Me: you wanna go out? I know a place.
Her: I don’t think my bf would like that.
Me: uh huh...now, what does your bf have to do with me? Look, I just think it would be cool to talk, get to know you a little better. You don’t have to go back to my place or anything. We’re just friends!
Her: I still think my bf wouldn’t like that.
Me: DAMMIT!! !

My point is always leave the bf out of it unless SHE brings it up. It’s entirely possible you can just make the bf disappear without really trying.

Ultimately SHE has to make the decision to cut the other guy loose. Whether you encourage her to cheat or not is between you and your conscience, but controlling the flow of information can make the difference between a bf being real or imaginary. Trust me, in the world of relationships, one can certainly consign a bf on the way out to vapor. I get the ethical/moral problems people will bring up about it, but I say never underestimate the volatility of bf/gf relationships.

Respecting boundaries is a GOOD thing. I just tend to question which boundaries deserve respect. A girl being abused by her bf and feeling trapped? I can’t respect that. For me, the solid red line is marrieds, divorced, and MOST single mothers. IAR aside from that, well, it just depends on the nature of the relationship. I don’t encourage cheating. But if the relationship isn’t all that solid to begin with, I have no problem giving it that final little nudge.

Oh, and here’s one final piece of advice on the subject. It’s not worth your life at this stage. I once had a jealous bf threaten to kill me. Thing is, I was leaning a bit suicidal at the time. I figured, hey, if he kills me, he’ll be in jail and she’ll be rid of him, and I don’t really care, soooooo...what do I have to lose here?

It ended up working out GREAT for me in the end. But being in THAT place is never a good thing. Don’t ask about the bf. Make HER bring it up if it even matters. And don’t get yourself killed!

Pictures of her boyfriend on facebook, instagram and her screen cover for her phone - though a few weeks ago she did change her phone screen cover to something more generic (I took a peak) but then changed it back to her picture with her boyfriend - same one she has on her facebook account.

I am only feeling suicidal over this because I am entering into exams and since I am constantly thinking about her my anxiety is 110 percent and it is making me feel physically ill. I really wish she just was never interested in me and never tried to be nice. Things would have been easier that way.

By the way she is not the first very attractive woman who has been friendly with me; but the previous times I knew too those girls had boyfriends and never ever read into it because I knew there were no signs pointing to anything else. This time though there is something different that I can feel and I don't know what it is.