REG: Long-term love gone in a flash - replacement wanted

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Greetings All:

Hope this finds you all well. I previously had an on-and-off relationship with a self-diagnosed woman and she had her own set of problems, I had my own set of problems. I will attempt to be fair and balanced to pain an accurate picture but considering I have human emotions, I cannot guarantee this. I will list out her problems, then the problems I have identified within myself and we'll go from there:

Her Problems Include:
1. Over-Dependence on her family: for someone who is 23 going on 24 and who when we first met couldn't stand that her parents had control of her social security check and she had zero insights, she seems to still be on that puppet strings of her family. They will promise her the moon and she will do whatever they say
2. revolving door: first she's in school (college studies) then point-blank she's out of college for some reason or another and the cycle repeats because she's chasing after her family's dreams for her.


Now my list of issues:
1. primarily nonverbal: that's right it can be an issue even though she said she supports my choice and desire to be permanently nonverbal it's still an issue
2. been through hell and back: I have a long history of abuse in multiple forms of abuse and thus have plenty of scars for it including some really nasty physical and emotional scars that require constant hand holding and hugs along with reassurance it's gong to be OK.
3. multiple personalities: kind of a tie-in with the last point above, due to all the abuse, I am not just carly but Carly and about 159 others all with different preferences, hopes, dreams, dislikes, etc. even though she emotionally and physically bound to us all, I see it as a major flaw (considering some of the personalities are representations of children and teens who are more attached to the external girlfriend than you'd think)
4. under way too much stress: when under enough stress I get locked up in a psych ward in an attempt at fixing myself with the help of the doctors and other patients.
5. very clingy: I really do enjoy hand holding and hugs and other forms of physical connection with others (when and where appropriate and approved by all involved) I don't enjoy sex, but I do enjoy things like cudling and wrapping my legs around another human being. She said she enjoys such things as well. This physical closeness gives me and the other personalities in my head a sense of safety and security considering some of the things we've been through


While she said she loves and accepts all of the above cited things earlier this week she tells me to "move on" since she "cannot be my crutch" even though while I was in the psych ward she was the one calling me going on and on about how she missed me. Well she cannot live with me she's made that very clear even though she said she wanted to live with me and grow old together, get married, etc. well typical me followed the command to "move on" quite literally by cancelling the phone line that was on my carrier account, removing her from all other services (like netflix, Google play, etc.). The kicker was the cell phone. She called me from a phone number I didn't recognize so this said to me in my very call-center process-driven mind "I already have phone service from another carrier" and her telling me to "move on" and "call T-mobile" with no further instruction on what she wants done with the line sends a very clear message "CANCEL MY LINE" Well yesterday I get a text that says she didn't want me to cancel it, so my CA fought like hell to get the line restored and then let her know and then she said she didn't need it anymore.

She has a history of just leaving me hanging like this and so I told her that if she did something like this again that it would be final and non-reversible The old saying: once, same to me; twice, shame to you; there will not be a third time.

What am I doing to help combat the huge emotional hole in my heart and mind? I'm looking for a person that has soft hands and gives hugs and who understands me a lot better than the one who just left me. heck even just a friend that will hold the hands and give me hugs will fill part of that requirement. Can anyone please help me with all of this?