Bad thoughts

Post Reply New Topic

I get bullied and ostracized a lot and it seems like a lot of the people who bully me are likeable and know how to manipulate people. Even though my bullies and former bullies don't even know I'm in a relationship I keep having thoughts of them flirting with or coming on to my boyfriend. I think I have these thoughts to try to prepare myself in case it did happen, but I feel like I think about it more than I should.

How is your relationship coming along?

It seems to be going okay. We get along pretty well and when we have some kind of conflict he seems to be willing to compromise and listen and so am I. Last week though it was bothering me that he didn't answer some of my questions. He later told me that he sometimes doesn't know how to answer some of the questions (some of the questions were about situations that he wasn't in), but said he would be more responsive. I still kind of wonder about that though. We usually see each other every other day. Both of us initiate in conversation. He's usually the one who initiates with meeting up though.

Sounds pretty good to me.

It’s so odd that you’re still being bullied at age 27 honestly. How old are your bullies?

I've only been bullied as an adult and by women who would never class themselves as bullies. It's a very subtle form in which you are made to feel as if you are paranoid. Mine was at work and things deteriorated very slowly until it was awful, thank God we were all made redundant. It wasn't until 6 months of working somewhere else, with people who weren't like that that I realised how badly I had allowed them to treat me. Looking back I feel angry and stupid, but you're much more afraid of loosing your job after your confidence has been chewed away. I've walked out on jobs over a lot less than I put up with there.

Sorry I've gone of subject a bit.

You didn't veer off the subject one bit.

The OP was talking about being bullied psychologically. So were you.

^thanks.

I call that thing the OP mentioned, playing scenarios, in theory it prepares you for the worst but in mine they feel so real and I get so upset that I've basically been through the worst even though it hasn't happened. I am putting a lot of effort into not playing scenarios any more, and have noticed a major reduction in anxiety. I haven't been 100% successful but they have gotten less often and much shorter, and I'm getting better with time at stopping them from starting.

There are times, in many situations, when you just have to "wing it."

When I think too much about things, I tend to screw up.

Yes, it's usually those really subtle things like discrediting you're work or invading you're space like you're not there.

They are usually somewhere between their teens and twenties, but I've had a few people older than that who bully me. I work in retail so I'm around some people who are younger than me. I'm trying to get a job in a hospital, but I heard bullying is pretty common in the medical field too.

sounds like they are gaslighting you. workplaces are often hazardous places to spend 8+ hours a day at. if the job doesn't kill ya, the coworkers will. I can tell you lotsa sociopathic types work in hospitals, I hadda deal with 'em for 2+ decades, of watching my back and documenting EVERYTHING.

You have to "stick to your guns" so you don't get gaslighted.

You have to be aware of what you are doing at all times.

There have been times when I've been gaslighted because I forgot what was doing.

Just be aware of yourself and your actions----and you won't be gaslighted.

I was bullied by a group of people in a job I left 7 years ago, and in the next job (lasted one year) I was bullied by my boss. In the latter case, if it hadn't been me, he would have found someone else to bully. I haven't been bullied at work since, and I wasn't bullied in the job I left 8 years ago, which lasted almost 10 years. The takeaway from this is that I was in my late 50s when this happened, so you are certainly not too old to be bullied.

How likely is it that these girls would actually meet your boyfriend and come on to him? What do you realistically think might be the outcome if it happened?

I am in no position to know for certain, but I think you're safe in assuming that the reason he is the one who initiates a meetup is because he's horny. You should try to occasionally be the horny one, even if it's a bit of an act.

^I don't think you should put on an act but I do agree that if you like him you need to show that, maybe be the one to put forward the invitation now and then. I have lost friends by not doing this because I did not know that it bothered them.